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A man goes into a store and asks the clerk for some "Polish Sausage."
The clerk looked at him and asked "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says "Well, yes I am.
But let me ask you something.
If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican?
Would ya, huh? Would Ya"
The clerk says, "Well no."
"And if I asked you for some Irish Whiskey, would you ask me if I was Irish?
What about Canadian Bacon, would you ask me if I was Canadian?"
"Well, I probably wouldn't,"
With self-indignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask
me if I'm Polish just because I asked for Polish Sausage?'
A man goes into a store and asks the clerk for some "Polish Sausage."
The clerk looked at him and asked "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says "Well, yes I am.
But let me ask you something.
If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican?
Would ya, huh? Would Ya"
The clerk says, "Well no."
"And if I asked you for some Irish Whiskey, would you ask me if I was Irish?
What about Canadian Bacon, would you ask me if I was Canadian?"
"Well, I probably wouldn't,"
With self-indignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask
me if I'm Polish just because I asked for Polish Sausage?'
The clerk replies...
"Because you're at Home Depot."
And I quote Steve Martin in Pink Panther: "good one!"
Actually, the main reason I wrote they're just jokes was so on one would be offended at the jokes about people from the south! But, heck-if ya got 'em, post 'em, you know!
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to
the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare.
I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is
excellent.We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.
You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.
You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.
The starting salary is $200,000 a year".
The guy says, "You're bullshootin' me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, well...you started it."
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, a lovely looking woman became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step
Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
A Boss Walked Into The Office One Morning Not Knowing That His Zipper Was Down And His Fly Was Wide Open.
His Secretary Walked Up To Him And Said "boss, This Morning When You Left Your House, Did You Close Your Garage Door?"
This Was Not A Phrase That Her Boss Understood, So He Went Into His Office Looking A Bit Puzzled. When He Was About Done With His Paperwork He Suddenly Noticed That His Zipper Was Not Zipped Up. He Zipped It Up And, Remembering What His Secretary Had Told Him, He Finally Understood.
Then He Intentionally Went Out To Ask For A Cup Of Coffee From His Secretary.
When He Reached Her Desk, He Said "when You Saw The Garage Door Open, Did You See My Hummer Parked In There?"
The Secretary Smiled For A Moment And Said "no Boss, I Didn't...all I Saw Was A Mini-van With 2 Flat Tires."
Subject: Definition of Globalization Question: What is the truest
definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question:
How come?
Answer:
An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, Driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before
you change the spelling) followed closely by Italian paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian
medicines. This is sent to you by an Englishman, Using Bill Gates's
technology and you're probably reading this on your computer that
uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi
workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and
trucked to you by Mexican illegal's. That, my friends, is the
definition of Globalization.
Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what happened to your clothes.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-boyfriends are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your butt kicked.
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Yankee
Didn't you ?
