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Not when rushing to do something, or on break from work...but when you have quality time by yourself....is there a topic that always seems to come up...personal, existential, world-wide issues?
Just curious....
I have a hard time not thinking about what I need to do.....my mind doesn't rest much. I'm always planning on how I'm going to do a project, or wishing I hadn't put one off for so long, or how badly I need to get moving on one before the rainy season comes. Ugh.... I don't have time to focus on world-wide issues.
Oh sometimes I think thoughts I shouldn't be thinking, other times I think about all the stuff I should have done and didn't and today when I was alone I started thinking about who the LL is going to visit me in my old age???
I am alone alot..and I love it..I love the silence..I love being able to do what I want.. to eat what I want when I want...to not be responsible for someone elses calorie intake and not feel guilty about my own. I could go on but you get the idea...
What do I think about in my aloness..
How great it would be if my babies had a bigger yard to run in
How will I find my final destination..that little piece of mine with a little cottage and a big yard for a garden and the babies if I still have them..
How can I become a better person..what am I doing to improve myself and my world
I practice conversations that I know I have to have with people, conversations that are important and that I don't want to screw up...
How can I bring my kids closer together..I would like to get them all together at least once one last time. They are all very different people with very different lives.
But the thing I think about that bothers me the most (because it seems so selfish) and the least (because it is owed to me rightfully and by court order) is the $63,000 PLUS dollars my ex owes me and how will I know when will he is getting Social Security Disability so I can file to have it garnished...It sounds cruel and heartless but he went out of his way to not pay..I think about that too..the damage it caused my kids because they didn't get to see their Dad cause he was in hiding half their lives..
He said to me once after he had paid maybe 3-4 thousand dollars.." I've been paying for 6 months...Haven't I paid enough Chany??? " I thought about that too..For him it was all about Dollars..for me it was always about family and my family is shattered in large part because of his not paying child support...I will pay for that for the rest of my life...I think it's right that he should pay too even if it's for the rest of his life. And, he says he's a born again christian..
Sorry to be such a Downer didn't intend for it to be that way...it is what it is.
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