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I'm currently 24 years old, heterosexual male, never been in a relationship.
I was wondering....what do you wish you knew when you were in your 20's & what would you tell someone in their 20's, like me?
I welcome answers from both males & females. Thanks in advance!
I wish I knew how to quickly sort out who was a good potential mate for me vs. someone who wasn't. I used to think being in love was enough. I learned the hard way that being is love is necessary, but is never enough all by itself.
There are actually 5 essential components to "chemistry". The other person has to have a passing grade on all 5 (not necessarily be a "10" in every category, but passing in all 5). You have to "pass" in every category for the other person as well.
There's a great book on this subject that I wish had been around when I was in high school. It's written for a female audience but 90% of the advice could apply to anyone:
4. Marry sooner rather than later, and as soon as possible before 30, even if other priorities such as job, academics, etc. need to slide to reach that...else you will end up over 30, totally girlfriendless, with no loving wife and utterly alone, with no one, and wondering why you missed the boat, and why you never had a real chance at love to begin with...
Ehh, not bad advice, but I think this last one is an exaggeration. But it is true the dating pool is a lot smaller once you get to 30 and older. You'll have fewer people to date who don't have some kind of baggage (kids, exes, etc.). Even the ones who don't appear to have the baggage of past relationships are more likely to have fear of committment, emotional problems, etc.
The most important thing I wish I knew in my 20's was this:
My parents were right when they said to me a million times, "time flies and it flies even faster the older you get."
For all of you in your 20's, you will be shocked at how quickly 40 comes. And then you won't think 40 is old at all. But you won't believe it until you experience it yourself.
Trust me.
I am now 41 (almost 42 ) and this is completely true. This also goes back to my post about being able to quickly size up partners because it's very important not to waste time (on relationships that won't work or anything else).
I'm currently 24 years old, heterosexual male, never been in a relationship.
I was wondering....what do you wish you knew when you were in your 20's & what would you tell someone in their 20's, like me?
I welcome answers from both males & females. Thanks in advance!
I have a few more things:
--Save money (in retirement accounts for the long term as well as in plan old savings accounts. 10% of your gross should be the low end. If you can't save that much, a red flag should be going off) and avoid debt (except for perhaps a modest mortgage...emphasis on the word "modest"). BUT don't be obsessive about saving money or think that money will make you happy all by itself. It's part of the happiness equation, but definitely not the whole story. I am not a big fan of Suze Orman, but one thing she says about ordering one's priorities makes a lot of sense: 1. First people 2. Then money 3. Then things.
--Learn the ingredients of happiness. There is now scientific research on the subject by psychologists. Two of the best books on the subject are:
The first book offers a menu approach. It gives 12 proven happiness strategies and asks the reader to pick 3 or 4 and to do them consistently.
The second book takes a more wholistic approach. I think they both complement each other well. Ultimately, they both get at the same thing, but form different angles.
I wish there had been books out there like these when I was in my 20s.
One Last thing: DO NOT EAT CRAP! The vast majority of cases of obesity, diabetes, heart disease, & high blood pressure are completely preventable (as well as a fair amount of cancer). Skip the soda (diet & regular) and other sugary and processed foods in favor of whole wheat (get the whole wheat pasta at the store), whole grains, fruits, vegetables, beans & legumes. If you must have meat, treat it as the side dish to your meals, not the main event. Get a cookbook at the library and learn to cook at least 3 basic and healthy recipes.
I am a soda addict and I developed my soda addiction in college. I had to have expensive periodontal work done at age 21 as a result. I take better care of my teeth now, but I am still a soda addict. Quitting soda or any other bad food habit won't get easier with time. Better to do it now.
Last edited by mysticaltyger; 04-16-2012 at 03:13 AM..
I wish I had known that I would have to get a government job to ever have a retirement. I really, really wish I had known that.
Don't worry about it. i work in the public sector and the pensions where I work are almost certainly going to be scaled back. I'm sure it will be the same story throughout the country. Quite honestly, I wonder if the money system is even going to hold up between now and the time I reach retirement age. The amount of debt we're running up is clearly not sustainable and there seems to be little or no will on the part of politicians or the citizens to do anything about it, sooooo we could easily be Greece 2, 3, 5 or 10 years down the line. This isn't an endorsement for going on a wild spending spree, but it's best to be honest about what can happen, even if it's unpleasant.
I'm currently 24 years old, heterosexual male, never been in a relationship.
I was wondering....what do you wish you knew when you were in your 20's & what would you tell someone in their 20's, like me?
I welcome answers from both males & females. Thanks in advance!
When I was in my 20's I was already married with a child..wish I had gotten to know my then husband a bit better. Would have saved me a ton of grief. All I got out of that relationship was a broken heart and luckily my beautiful son who he has hardly seen in my son's 42 years of life.
My advice? Don't be in a rush to get married, get to know your partner and plan real good for a future if that is what you want with your partner. You are young and there are lots of ladies out there looking for a good man to have in their life, just go slow!!
Those who know, don't tell. And, those who tell... don't know!
Well, not telling isn't nice if you know!!! Anyways, it doesn't matter, I'm getting some positively phenomenal advice here. You guys are amazing! It's not just the lives you've lived.....it's the fact that you're willing to help others with the lessons you've learned. Or think you've learned.
Last edited by Soviet; 04-16-2012 at 05:24 AM..
Reason: Addition of info
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) and this is completely true. This also goes back to my post about being able to quickly size up partners because it's very important not to waste time (on relationships that won't work or anything else).
