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We have one child by choice, and she is as normal as they come. She isn't spoiled, she's very social, is always the most popular girl in her class, and most importantly she is a happy kid. She was born with an easy temperment. She is very loved and given attention, but a lot is expected of her too. One thing I have always done is make sure she always had tons of playdates and opportunities to be with other kids. I don't think she has time to be lonely. I'm sure she wishes she had siblings, but I think she will grow up into a happy women who has very, very close friendships.
And the friends that she has who are only children are also very articulate and completely normal. Nothing weird about them. The ones she has with siblings don't seem that different. I don't think it really matters that much. There are so many more things that determine whether a child is happy or not.
Agreed. You can't predict how someone will turn out.
Well, Im not sure if you were asking our take on how the kid will turn out. So I will comment on raising the kid.....unless you keep them in relentless groups were they get thier interaction with kids. One can be more troublesome than two.... No one will play all alone for long, and if they do...they aren't estatic about that and you would want to be careful that they don't get used to it. There are a lot of benefits to have them close together. I have 2 boys who are 15months apart. They learn to care for others feelings a lot quicker than My only child nephew. They learn about compromising (in thier own language). There is some fussing for sure but thats when good lessons are taught that may not come up unless they had the disagreement. They have a togetherness and because they aren't exactly twins they have completely thier own identity and talk about thier differences. My youngest took longer to potty train. But no that he is because he has seen his brother stand, flush, wash....It was a procedure that I didn't have to teach he already knew. You can still take them one by one and give them the special unique one on one time. They also can help to calm the other down. I have no clue what was said. But in thier toddler talk on was crying and wouldn't take to me and the yougest come says Gooba ooba gabba (for all I know) and the waterworks were over. I think that kind of connection is soo cool to have. My sister and I also had a connection like that. And truthfully, kids as young as 2 do get tired of being around their parents. One is fine. But seeing my sis with my nephew a single child can be as much or more work as two. So that's my take. There are many ups and downs with 1 or many...It depends on you.
As you may have seen in my other post, wife and I are strongly considering having kids at 40.
we were thinking of only having one child because of our age and for financial and sanity reasons as well
We also had the notion that one child would be easy because we could "double team" the child as far as keeping an eye on him or releiving one spouse so the other may have some free time for a while. (somehow I have a feeling you parents out there are laughing at my thinking right now LOL).
But, would an only child be a bad idea? Some people tell me its actually easier to raise kids when they have a sibbling, particularly close in age. They claim they play together more and better socialize. Not to mention gives the parents a break from being the only ones to play with.
What is everyones take on this only child thing??
My husband is an only and is one of the kindest, selfless people you'd ever want to meet. He is OK in his own skin. I grew up in a large family and I miss having people around more than he does.
My MIL would always be sad about only having one; I would always tell her that she ended up having a great son and I'm glad she just had him and I truly meant it.
I did smile when I read your post about taking two people to handle a child and taking shifts I think it should be your personal choice of having one or more, or leave it to divine intervention. It is very expensive to raise children and afford college, so financially plan for your babies whether one or more.
Well, I will have to say, you made a pretty big generalization!
I've met a lot of children who aren't only children who are selfish, self absorbed, weird...I could go on and on. I've met many only children who are perfectly "normal" and I would never know they were only children.
For the record, I'm not an only child - I am 1 of 4. But I have a son who is, and who is pretty much the absolute opposite of what you describe.
No I didn't. I said you can't generalize, but this has been my personal experience. The existence of examples not consistent with my experience does not negate my experience. There was a lot of reading comprehension problems evidenced by your response, as I also said that kids with siblings didn't all turn out normal, either.
As you may have seen in my other post, wife and I are strongly considering having kids at 40.
we were thinking of only having one child because of our age and for financial and sanity reasons as well
We also had the notion that one child would be easy because we could "double team" the child as far as keeping an eye on him or releiving one spouse so the other may have some free time for a while. (somehow I have a feeling you parents out there are laughing at my thinking right now LOL).
But, would an only child be a bad idea? Some people tell me its actually easier to raise kids when they have a sibbling, particularly close in age. They claim they play together more and better socialize. Not to mention gives the parents a break from being the only ones to play with.
What is everyones take on this only child thing??
Oh I can't stand that "have another one to keep the first one occupied" mantra! Do what you need to do! Your child will thank you when they inherit the whole enchilada and don't have to share the goods!! LOL!
I haven't read the thread but I'm sure you'll get the advice that your only child would be lonely being alone and considering your age and all...I say horse feathers!
have the first child and see if you feel like having a second. having one or two children does not exclude either child from having "quirks" having a sibling for the older child does not guarantee that the children will even like one another. only children tend to be more mature and a bit smarter as they do have all the attention and time from a parent. to have a second child as companion so the parents get a break sounds like lazy parenting. a second child can take pressure off the first from parents who otherwise would be just focused on one. a good sibling relationship is worth more than gold. it is all a crap shoot. do what feels right. p.s. nothing wrong with spoiling your child no matter how many you have.
My husband is an only and we had an only...I'm one of four. Interestingly, all of my siblings have onlies.
My husband was 45 when our daughter was born and she is now 21. I was a stay at home mom while our daughter was young and I made it a priority to have her around other kids. Play dates, library story time, preschool starting at 3, etc..
I will say we have often spoken of the advantages we felt with an only child. Some of it was finacial. One pair of braces. One extra car. Still paying college tuition. 15k-20k per child, THEN pile on dorms, food plans etc.. other parts were being much closer than I ever remember being with my parents. We were able to travel a lot with our daughter. I was in my 30's before I went to Europe, our daughter 15.
People are in better health and living longer...it's OK to wait to have kids and I think onlies tend to be more centered and kind than those (like myself) who spent their childhood (usually unsucessfully)trying to get their parents attention.
Why would it be "bad" to have 1 child? Have as few or as many as YOU are up to loving, nourishing, and taking care of financially and emotionally. I've met only children who are selfish, entitled, me-me-me (now) adults, and some who are independent, confident leaders. While some only children may feel "lonely", others find a way to entertain themselves.
I really hate threads like this that make it sound like only children are doomed to be either selfish or lonely.
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Only child
LOL).
