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My husband is retiring and we have found a great deal on a house in florida - gated community near the ocean - exactly what we have always wanted. However, my father is 91 and I feel as though I am abandoning him. He is still in good health - lives in his own home, and I have two sisters here to help him, but the guilt is taking away what should be a great experience. His family is known for their longevity - many have lived into their 90's. I feel that if we wait here until we need to take care of him, which may never even happen, we probably won't ever go through with our plans...We definitely won't be able to take advantage of the situation that we have in front of us right now, and we can't financially have a place in two locations....
That is such a difficult decision to make. I decided to change my "life plans" and stay home and take care of my parents in the years before they died. I never regretted the decision I made even though it sent my life in a direction I never envisioned. The time I had taking care of them turned out to be some of the happiest years of my life and I would do it again in a heart beat.
I was the only daughter, however. (It seems to fall to the daughters to do the caretaking the vast majority of the time.) Since you have two sisters I'd have a nice, LONG talk with them about everything. Your not being there in case his health changes and he needs caretaking. His finances. His safety. Will there be resentment of you if you leave and they are doing everything for him. It's not an easy decision and I wish you peace in deciding what to do.
If you do decide to stay, do it with a good heart and because you want to. I would sit in doctor's waiting rooms with my dad and see a lot of bitter adult children waiting with their own parents. To the point of being abusive. That was always heartbreaking to see. I think they took their frustrations out on their parents which was never good.
p.s. You wouldn't feel guilty about leaving him if you didn't love him. Bless you. Talk it out with the whole family.
My husband is retiring and we have found a great deal on a house in florida - gated community near the ocean - exactly what we have always wanted. However, my father is 91 and I feel as though I am abandoning him. He is still in good health - lives in his own home, and I have two sisters here to help him, but the guilt is taking away what should be a great experience. His family is known for their longevity - many have lived into their 90's. I feel that if we wait here until we need to take care of him, which may never even happen, we probably won't ever go through with our plans...We definitely won't be able to take advantage of the situation that we have in front of us right now, and we can't financially have a place in two locations....
Where does your father live? Are you moving just a few miles away or clear across the country? How big is his house? Would you be able to stay with him for extended visits?
Why cant you take dad with you ? would it be too hard on him or no room for him and his things ? Im in favor of taking dad with you all if you can . I know my niece always regretted not staying with her father after her mom died . No one took care of this poor man even though it was agreed upon that dad was to be taken care of by the brother and guess what dad ended up dying in the house 6 months later cause brother took the least care of him and my niece was so heartbroken . she said she would have never gone if she knew her brother would have done this .So I would really consider taking dad if that is at all possible . good luck with what ever you decide .
Dad will probably not want to move and if you have 2 sisters locally to look after him I think that is great.
Go and live your life. If you are retirement age you probably made many sacrifices already. This is coming from someone who put their family and life on hold for more than 10 years while i cared for my ill mother and it almost cost me my life and my marriage.
I would never completely abandon an elderly parent but you are leaving him in good hands and if you wait much later he will be sick and you will never get away.
There is no way he would ever consider moving. In addition to my sisters, there are grandchildren, nieces, nephews, etc., so I'm definitely not leaving him where he won't be cared for.
However realize that if you are not participating in the day-to-day care of him, your comments about how things are done or not done will not be appreciated. Too many times the sibling who is least involved is the one to critize how the others are handling things. Of course I'm not saying you would do this but be aware the ones closest to him and his care will not appreciate much input from someone who is not close by.
There is no way he would ever consider moving. In addition to my sisters, there are grandchildren, nieces, nephews, etc., so I'm definitely not leaving him where he won't be cared for.
Then I say go. It might be different if you were leaving him alone, but you aren't.
I can only tell you my situation, I live thousands of miles away from my dad who needs 24/7 care. Needless to say this has put a divide in our family as my sister has become the one who has helped out since she is a half an hour away.
My mother takes care of him for the most part, but my sister and I have come to blows about her ability to help and my lack of money to fly out often.
I wish we never moved, but sadly it was a wonderful choice at the time, with both parents healthy.
I would talk to your father and sisters about it and see how they feel. It is your life, but soon you may realize you are dragged in many directions.
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