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I was up from 2am with my 2 1/2 year old. She would not go back to sleep. I tried everthing. I actually had to go and drive her around at 5:30 am to get her to sleep. I am exhausted as I also have 2 other young kids.
Anyways, guess who is taking a nap now? Not me....my husband who got a full night's sleep last night and didn't even realize it when I told him I was taking our daughter for a drive.
I keep asking him to make a bottle but he does not want to get up. I guess this is more of a vent. I'm just sick and tired of him not helping me and it doesn't seem to get through to him. I also have PPD and this is NOT helping me.
It seems like most guys need to be trained. Perhaps they have insecuritites about fathering. Maybe we always (unintentionally) belittle how they parent. Whatever the reason, they end up feeling like it is just easier to let us do it all. You have to draw the line from point A to point B for him to make him see. Point A is parenting alone which leads to Point B--a very unhappy wife. Which than leads to a very unhappy husband. For some reason, most men seem unable to really see this connection and their role in it.
I agree with the poster that said to take off by yourself and TELL your husband he is watching the kids. At least one way of dealing with this is to be very sure and confident. You keep hitting him in the middle of the night and tell him it is his turn to take the baby. Roll him out of bed and then totally hog the bed if need be. Tell him you are going out with friends Thursday night, so he will need to watch the kids. Tell him you are going to go grocery shopping without the kids from now on. Own your life and claim your share of it.
...Of course, this style doesn't work for all marriages, but it sure does make things happen!
Well I'm taking your advice ladies! I'm going to have a girl's night out on Wednesday. I will be home in time to put the kids to bed!!!!
It will be my first girl's night out in about 5 years...pathetic isn't it.
Last edited by KylieEve; 07-24-2010 at 09:16 AM..
Reason: .
Yay! Good for you! And I hope it isn't too pathetic, because it took me about 6 years to demand a once-a-week (when possible) day to myself. Unfortunately, that only lasted a year...
Get out of the house with friends at least once a month, and encourage your husband to do so. Make a date night with each other once a month too. It'll make all the difference. Remember that you are individuals as well as a couple and not only parents. Taking some time to yourselves won't hurt your children either.
I think it's great that you are working on this now. I have learned the hard way what happens if you let your dh continue in this way of thinking. My dh expects me to not only take care of the kids, (two of which are now in college at least) but also do all the housework, yardwork, etc. Even down to painting the house myself, he feels it's my job since I'm a SAHM. If I had any carpentry and plumbing skills that would be my job, too. When I was younger I should have tried harder to stand up for myself, and now I'm paying the price.
I'll never get divorced because I don't want to put the effort into training another husband.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisalan
Well I'm taking your advice ladies! I'm going to have a girl's night out on Wednesday. I will be home in time to put the kids to bed!!!!
It will be my first girl's night out in about 5 years...pathetic isn't it.
Fantastic! I'm so glad you are taking ME time. It's very important for parents. It's important for children too because children need happy parents.
Go light on the alcohol for now, it's bad for depression.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lucygirl951
Get out of the house with friends at least once a month, and encourage your husband to do so. Make a date night with each other once a month too. It'll make all the difference. Remember that you are individuals as well as a couple and not only parents. Taking some time to yourselves won't hurt your children either.
Excellent advice. I think this is one of the main reasons my marriage has always been strong. From the start, my husband and I embraced our separate identities by having separate friends and interests. But we also embraced our couple identity by having mutual friends and interests too.
In addition to doing things weekly with our friends (he would golf, I go horseback riding, go dancing and shopping with friends), we always took time to do things together as a couple and as a family with the children. Couple time was more difficult because sitters were required, but we religiously took two weekend trips without the children, once in the spring and one in the fall.
I'll never get divorced because I don't want to put the effort into training another husband.
Fantastic! I'm so glad you are taking ME time. It's very important for parents. It's important for children too because children need happy parents.
Go light on the alcohol for now, it's bad for depression.
Excellent advice. I think this is one of the main reasons my marriage has always been strong. From the start, my husband and I embraced our separate identities by having separate friends and interests. But we also embraced our couple identity by having mutual friends and interests too.
In addition to doing things weekly with our friends (he would golf, I go horseback riding, go dancing and shopping with friends), we always took time to do things together as a couple and as a family with the children. Couple time was more difficult because sitters were required, but we religiously took two weekend trips without the children, once in the spring and one in the fall.
No worries there I don't drink, I don't smoke....What do I do?
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When I was younger I should have tried harder to stand up for myself, and now I'm paying the price.
