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I know you said you aren't looking for advice, but I do have a question - your thread is titled:
If you want your child(ren) to be invited to swim again....
Does this mean you enforce these rules and don't let them come back if not? If you don't let them or their parents know what you expect, and they don't do these things but you let them keep coming back, how would they know?
I agree with others - if the kids live in the neighborhood and complain they are hungry and didn't eat lunch - send them home if providing a small/cheap snack is a problem. Keep in mind too - just because they say they didn't have lunch, I wouldn't necessarily believe it. If you have set the precedence of providing something when they ask, then they will keep asking. Whether they've had lunch or not. Most kids will snack that time of day.
As far as going to the bathroom before they come.... even if they did, getting in water sometimes always makes you have to go, even if you just went. Maybe you should have everyone use your bathroom before heading out to the pool. Just a suggestion.
If kids come show up when you haven't invited them or talked to the parent but you let them swim anyway, then that's not going to change. What you need to do if this is an issue, is tell the child, "you can stay and swim, but first, I need you to go home and get sunscreen, a towel, etc and please have your mom give me a call before coming back over." Simple as that.
Do that a couple of times and they'll get the hint. People will take advantage if you let them. If someone gets bent out of shape because you didn't feel like being responsible for watching their child that day, then let them scratch their mad spot.
If kids come show up when you haven't invited them or talked to the parent but you let them swim anyway, then that's not going to change. What you need to do if this is an issue, is tell the child, "you can stay and swim, but first, I need you to go home and get sunscreen, a towel, etc and please have your mom give me a call before coming back over." Simple as that.
Do that a couple of times and they'll get the hint. People will take advantage if you let them. If someone gets bent out of shape because you didn't feel like being responsible for watching their child that day, then let them scratch their mad spot.
The only way to be continually "taken advantage of" is to allow it.
A pool is a kid magnet. The only way to prevent this is to have clear and non negotiable rules. I think you have them. Make sure everyone understands the rules. I totally get the snack thing. I can't AFFORD to feed everyone in the neighborhood, even pretzels. Swimming season here is 3-4 months. Everyday having 2-3 extra kids just wouldn't work for me. And yes they would be over if we had a pool. Neighbors figure you don't mind, I mean your kids are in the pool already right? WRONG.
I would probably make them sign a release before I let the kid in the pool... I am like that. It is an attractive nuisance. We had some people that had a pool when we were growing up and some of the neighborhood kids waited till the HO was away and helped themselves. Well someone got hurt. AND sued the HO. And the HO lost. It was an attractive nuisance and they left it unattended. Even though they had a fence with a KEEP OUT sign and a lock on it. Even though the kids didn't have permission to be there.
Dang....it sounds like your life would be easier if you just didn't invite kids over to your house.
Are you serious? Even a kid who has gone to the bathroom first might have to use the bathroom again...especially after being in the water. If you are going to invite kids over to use the pool you ought to have facilities available to accommodate them given you KNOW they will be wet. Put down a couple of extra towels or make sure everyone dries off before going in the house.
Send a snack and a drink, seriously? First, requesting the kids bring their own drink and then complaining the kids have to use your bathroom....would you rather them just go in the pool? Second, when you invite someone to your house you should either provide refreshments or end the event early enough to ensure kids won't need to eat. Kids eat often, more so when they are active and playing and using up energy swimming. You could plan for a snack time and have the snacks outside already so you don't need to run in and out to the fridge. Juice/water, pretzels and apple slices...how hard is that?
I agree!! If this is so much stress for you perhaps do not allow other kids over. No offense but they are kids and by your list I don't exactly think them all wanting to come over will be an issue for long.
But we aren't the ones invited to swim in your pool. Why don't you print out exactly what you posted here and give it to the parents of the kids you invite over so they know what to do or not do at your pool/house.
Look, you seem to be making this complicated when it could be very simple. ANY time kids come to your house you set the rules. If you don't want wet kids in the house you have to tell them to dry off first. Assuming these are neighborhood kids send them home wet instead of giving them your towels...they can drip dry. Tell them to go home and put on sunscreen if they didn't bring their own. Heck, you can send them home to pee if you want. If you are only offering snacks and the kid wants lunch send them home to eat. If you have things you'd rather be doing than supervising kids at your pool then DON'T INVITE KIDS TO YOUR POOL.
i didn't write this post looking for a solution. I came up with my rules (prior post), tweaked them, and have stuck with them. The kids in question are invited much less frequently than earlier in the summer and no one is hanging over my deck.
On a parenting forum this size, there must be many moms whose send their kids off to swim at a friends house, and I am suggesting ways for them to be considerate to the PO, understand that it is not easy watching a pool full of kids for hours, and ways you can make it easier on the PO so they will WANT to invite your kids to swim again and again.
And I just wanted to clarify the whole snack and bathroom thing. If we plan an afternoon in the pool with a couple of my kid's friends whom we personally called earlier that day or the day before, then yes, of course I give the kids snacks.
But if my kids are outside playing with their friends from the neighborhood and ask me if they can all go swimming, then no, I don't feel I have to provide snacks. And like another poster said I can't afford to feed the neighborhood kids all the time.
As for the bathroom, the suggestion of the parent having their kid go before coming to swim is more for the younger kids, you know the 8 year old who is doing the 'pp' dance and informs you they can't hold it in any longer. Naturally, it's the kid who can't hold it in that doesn't have a towel. Ts also for the kid who says they have to go but when you tell them to come out and dry off, they 'mysteriously' no longer have to go. Hmmmmmmm
honestly, I wouldn't expect someone who doesn't have a pool to know it is a good idea to have the younger ones use the bathroom before going swimming.
If people honestly treat pools like this, I'm glad I don't have a pool. We have a neighbor with kids who has a pool, and we've never been invited to swim in it. We actually have no interest in swimming there anyway. And some of our other neighbors with kids have never been invited to swim in the neighbor's pool either, and don't miss it. (We've chatted about it, we discussed what a pain it must be to have a pool with the cleaning etc.) I only know of one family who has been invited to swim in the pool. I am actually amazed that some people feel a pool in a neighborhood is a magnet for everyone----I just don't get the appeal, I am not seeing it in my neighborhood. Maybe people here are more well-mannered. If we want to go for a quick swim, we go to the town pool for an hour or so. And get ice cream while we are there.
If people honestly treat pools like this, I'm glad I don't have a pool. We have a neighbor with kids who has a pool, and we've never been invited to swim in it. We actually have no interest in swimming there anyway. And some of our other neighbors with kids have never been invited to swim in the neighbor's pool either, and don't miss it. (We've chatted about it, we discussed what a pain it must be to have a pool with the cleaning etc.) I only know of one family who has been invited to swim in the pool. I am actually amazed that some people feel a pool in a neighborhood is a magnet for everyone----I just don't get the appeal, I am not seeing it in my neighborhood. Maybe people here are more well-mannered. If we want to go for a quick swim, we go to the town pool for an hour or so. And get ice cream while we are there.
No, they don't. We've had homes with a pool and I never had experiences like OP. People are either INVITED to swim or they are not. There was no wandering over to the pool as the kids played around the neighborhood. Whenever kids were playing at our house we had snacks available and let them use the bathroom. When my kids played at the neighbors house they had snacks and used the bathroom over there....it wasn't a big deal. Not sure why it is a big deal with OP....maybe just a matter of personality or the particular neighborhood. *shrug*
I agree!! If this is so much stress for you perhaps do not allow other kids over. No offense but they are kids and by your list I don't exactly think them all wanting to come over will be an issue for long.
what exactly on my list is unreasonable? Do you think it is unreasonable to expect a parent to send their child with a towel and sunscreen applied? Do you think it is unreasonable to expect a parent to understand they shouldn't send their kids in bathing suits if they haven't been invited? Do you think it's unreasonable to expect that a parent wouldn't send a child who can't swim without first discussing this with the pool owner? Is it unreasonable to expect a parent would feed their child lunch before sending them over for the afternoon?
What exactly is so unreasonable?
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We have a neighbor with kids who has a pool, and we've never been invited to swim in it. We actually have no interest in swimming there anyway. And some of our other neighbors with kids have never been invited to swim in the neighbor's pool either, and don't miss it. (We've chatted about it, we discussed what a pain it must be to have a pool with the cleaning etc.) I only know of one family who has been invited to swim in the pool. I am actually amazed that some people feel a pool in a neighborhood is a magnet for everyone----I just don't get the appeal, I am not seeing it in my neighborhood. Maybe people here are more well-mannered. If we want to go for a quick swim, we go to the town pool for an hour or so. And get ice cream while we are there. 
