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One thing to consider is that the courts do not connect child support directly to visitation. His right to see the children according to the divorce decree cannot be withheld due to him not paying child support. Therefore if he chooses to take her to court regarding seeing his kids, she can be held in contempt for refusing to allow him whatever the decree states, whether or not he is current on child support.
If she has documentation to prove that he has not been using his visitation rights for lengths of time as stated, in conjunction with him not paying child support, she can take him to court to change visitation by showing his lack of interest or support in the children.
Or she can take him to court for not paying the child support. Two different matters.
Since he is back in their lives I doubt she could do this now. In the past, probably, but not now.
Just don't use the kids as pawns. Your wife should do what's in the kids' best interest, whatever that may be, based on the circumstances (which none of us knows).
Check your egos. Sure, you don't appreciate someone yelling at you at your own house, but rise above it for the kids' sake.
Any help or suggestions greatly appreciated here. Basically the story is this: my wife has been divorced from her ex since 1999 or early 2000. They have two kids together, and he's made a handful of child support payments, absolutely zero payments since 2004. He recently moved back to town and wants to visit the kids. My wife has allowed him to visit, but on her terms. So, no spending the night mostly, staying around town. He got his feathers ruffled yesterday when she would not allow the oldest to spend the night. He made a threat that he would use an alternate route to regain visitation.
We are aware that he has a legal right to visitation, but I would be shocked if he's stupid enough to take this to court. Basically my wife could pin him for current support and go after back payment. I have stayed out of this deal, but I don't like for someone to threaten us with legal action. So, I have encouraged her to retain an attorney and have him/her review their divorce decree and child support agreement.
A few other things-the ex won't get or keep a job, so that's been the crutch for the past five years. He has been largely been out of kids lives for the past ten years, other than an occasional phone call. It's only been the past year or so that he's popped into the picture.
Also, one last thing, I have no financial interest in this, i could give a squat about his money. I *think* he needs to help his boys out, especially as they grow up. So the money is the last thing i care about, just don't appreciate being threatened in my driveway from some bum that can't support his kids, let alone *attempt* to keep a job.
What your guys' take on this??
Ok Im sorry for the kids he dont pay his child support
But to tell you the truth child support and visitation are two seperate issues. She cant tell him he cant see the children if he dont pay.
You are right he needs to help out. But even if he dont she can legally keep him from visiting the kids.
Remember 2 wrongs dont make a right.
Thats where many women arent clear on the laws.
Besides not paying support, does he abuse the children in anyway?
She may ask for supervised visitation with the dad if she has reason to suspect for abuse or neglect.
But when she goes to court tell her not too bad mouth her ex it wont look good. Have make sure he gets his licenses taken away from him from non-payment of child support..and if he cant drive how will he come get the kids.??
Good luck
I would encourage your wife to collect child support entirly separate from visitation. Even if you are doing fine without it. That money can be set aside for the children's future, college, their first car, their first apartment or home, their first wedding , etc.
With all of the children of divorce, I don't think any child should grow up and find out that a parent had no interest in contributing to their upbringing.
I would encourage your wife to collect child support entirly separate from visitation. Even if you are doing fine without it. That money can be set aside for the children's future, college, their first car, their first apartment or home, their first wedding , etc.
With all of the children of divorce, I don't think any child should grow up and find out that a parent had no interest in contributing to their upbringing.
Why would the children even have to know if the parent paid child support or not? It is none of their concern.
Believe me, they know. Good luck on this one. The problem is even if he is a deadbeat they probably do want to see him.
I have two problems with the advice you have been given.
#1.. I will not be held hostage by "will the kids want to move in with him?" if I don't let them go see him. Either they will or they won't, depends on the kids. My oldest believed the whole "the grass is greener on the other side" story.. He would give her a car, her own room, blah blah blah. She has figured out after a year it ain't that sweet...but she still stays because "Daddy is nicer than Mom" because he is on the road driving a truck, she don't see him alot but stays with the GF.
#2..My children don't get to make decisions that impact the rest of their lives. Even if they want to go see him every other weekend for the whole weekend. Is it the best thing for them?
My kids to this day do not know their father still owes 30+ grand in support. They hardly ever saw him, but when he did bother to make time in their teenager years, they made the decision not me.
They longed for him and I was not going to take that away because I was bitter.
One thing to consider is that the courts do not connect child support directly to visitation. His right to see the children according to the divorce decree cannot be withheld due to him not paying child support. Therefore if he chooses to take her to court regarding seeing his kids, she can be held in contempt for refusing to allow him whatever the decree states, whether or not he is current on child support.
If she has documentation to prove that he has not been using his visitation rights for lengths of time as stated, in conjunction with him not paying child support, she can take him to court to change visitation by showing his lack of interest or support in the children.
Or she can take him to court for not paying the child support. Two different matters.
This is true. The OP seems to be tying the support to the visitation, because it's not clear from the post why the mother won't allow the child to stay overnight. The only thing mentioned is the non-payment of child support, which has nothing to do with it. You're not paying to see your kid.
Why would the children even have to know if the parent paid child support or not? It is none of their concern.
When they are adults, they will probably ask. Then you can tell them it's none of their concern. As long as they never went hungry nor ever wanted for anything you shouldn't have a problem.
When they are adults, they will probably ask. Then you can tell them it's none of their concern. As long as they never went hungry nor ever wanted for anything you shouldn't have a problem.
They usually figure it out at some point anyway.
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