Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have been divorced from my ex for about the same length of time as your wife. He owes me $55,000. Both kids have been emancipated and I will never see a dime. I have let it go. For me there came a time when all the effort to make him pay just wasn't worth the stress it put on me. I was angry for years. Didn't hurt anyone but me.
Visitation is another issue. Don't just "allow" visitation; encourage it. Unless he is abusing the kids in some way, they need their dad in their lives. If he is a bum, they will figure that out all on their own. If he is good to them and just a jerk of an ex then so be it. Children always benefit from having a relationship with both parents. (except in abuse cases and we will take that out since you haven't mentioned it.)
My kids to this day do not know their father still owes 30+ grand in support. They hardly ever saw him, but when he did bother to make time in their teenager years, they made the decision not me.
They longed for him and I was not going to take that away because I was bitter.
I genuinely don't know much about this subject so this is not a snarky question - are they entitled to the money, in the form of back payments? Are they/you still able to go after him for it? Is withholding the knowledge that he owes them 30+ grand disabling them from collecting what they deserve in some way?
Is the spouse's support obligation over when the child reaches 18?
I hope I never have to find out for myself, but I'm curious as to how this works.
His debt will never go away. His order stops the but the back support stays forever until it is paid.
Personally, my kids have no idea and they never will. If by some miracle I ever did get the money, I would give it to them under the guise of something else.
I would encourage your wife to collect child support entirly separate from visitation. Even if you are doing fine without it. That money can be set aside for the children's future, college, their first car, their first apartment or home, their first wedding , etc.
With all of the children of divorce, I don't think any child should grow up and find out that a parent had no interest in contributing to their upbringing.
Children care less about the finances then they do about the attention. My X does neither, my daughter is more upset about the lack of attention. She could care less about the money. The only time she ever complains about the money is whn mom spends it on her BF and not her. Actually, that's not even true. The mom took a taxi to get BF gifts and got her gifts from the local drug store. She was more upset about mom going out of her way for the BF and not her.
Believe me, they know. Good luck on this one. The problem is even if he is a deadbeat they probably do want to see him.
I have two problems with the advice you have been given.
#1.. I will not be held hostage by "will the kids want to move in with him?" if I don't let them go see him. Either they will or they won't, depends on the kids. My oldest believed the whole "the grass is greener on the other side" story.. He would give her a car, her own room, blah blah blah. She has figured out after a year it ain't that sweet...but she still stays because "Daddy is nicer than Mom" because he is on the road driving a truck, she don't see him alot but stays with the GF.
#2..My children don't get to make decisions that impact the rest of their lives. Even if they want to go see him every other weekend for the whole weekend. Is it the best thing for them?
Not wanting to see him is a bigger problem. You can live through the money part, but abandonment issues are a lot more difficult on the kids. If they didn't want to see him there is a big problem that will likely impact the rest of their lives.
If the NCP is active in their lives guess what - the kids don't really care in most instances. If the NCP made $250K and gave them squat that is a different story. But for the most part the NCP is not running off on cruises every other month.
His debt will never go away. His order stops the but the back support stays forever until it is paid.
Personally, my kids have no idea and they never will. If by some miracle I ever did get the money, I would give it to them under the guise of something else.
Mine figured it out when her mom would have her ask me for money. My daughter really didn't care. If they know they matter to the NCP, they are much better off. Given the choice of a healthy relationship or $100k in the bank I'd choose the former every time.
Mine figured it out when her mom would have her ask me for money. My daughter really didn't care. If they know they matter to the NCP, they are much better off. Given the choice of a healthy relationship or $100k in the bank I'd choose the former every time.
Apparently you are not in the position of several divorced parents I know (including myself at times) If I don't get child support my children won't have a phone (to call the jerk ex), they won't get to go to the basketball game at school that everyone else is going to tomorrow, they won't have new shoes for Christmas, h*ll they might not get much of a Christmas at all. But it is all ok because he loves them right? That is a crock of crap my friend. He owes them that support money. He should pay up or lose his license to drive, hunt, do plumbing, practice law, wtf ever it is he does. Mine already wimped out on providing health insurance for them. Nevermind...I am sure I am preaching to the choir or someone who don't understand.
Apparently you are not in the position of several divorced parents I know (including myself at times) If I don't get child support my children won't have a phone (to call the jerk ex), they won't get to go to the basketball game at school that everyone else is going to tomorrow, they won't have new shoes for Christmas, h*ll they might not get much of a Christmas at all. But it is all ok because he loves them right? That is a crock of crap my friend. He owes them that support money. He should pay up or lose his license to drive, hunt, do plumbing, practice law, wtf ever it is he does. Mine already wimped out on providing health insurance for them. Nevermind...I am sure I am preaching to the choir or someone who don't understand.
I understand a lot more than you think. I was left with 150% of my salary in debt, 4 months behind on the mortgage, a repo'd car, $7 in the bank (with 10 days to the next paycheck), and sleeping on a single mattress with a Buzz Lightyear sheet set for two years all while having out of control blood sugars that nearly killed me (I went from 230 to under 150 pounds at 6'4" and my internest was about to yank my license). And during that time all my X needed to do was file for a change of custody and I had no way to stop it and if the situation became evident to my employer my career with them, and anyone else in my profession was over. Cable, phone, electricity, water all were shut on and off for years. My credit was in the 500s.
Yes I rebounded, but it took a long time. I may not have lived it for 14 years, but I am fully aware of what it's like.
Children care less about the finances then they do about the attention. My X does neither, my daughter is more upset about the lack of attention. She could care less about the money. The only time she ever complains about the money is whn mom spends it on her BF and not her. Actually, that's not even true. The mom took a taxi to get BF gifts and got her gifts from the local drug store. She was more upset about mom going out of her way for the BF and not her.
I do agree with you that it is less about the money than it is about the attention.
I'll try to briefly explain why I feel the way I do. My Dad abandoned his wife and 3 children (ages 5, 4 & 2) in 1960 and moved across country. He was 23 years old at the time. We went on welfare and lived in the projects.
When he contacted me in 2007, yes 47 years later, I welcomed him with open arms. I never once asked him why he left, why he never paid child support and why he never came to see us nor did I tell him about all the nights that I went to bed hungry after the surplus cheese, the mayonnaise sandwiches and the puffed wheat with powdered milk ran out. I was just so happy to have a Dad and to be able to hug him and tell him that I loved him. He died last May.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
, etc.
