Would you want your neighbors to check on your latchkey kids without your permission? (teenager, wife)

[Momma_bear]

Originally Posted by AnonChick

There are two related, but seperate thoughts here:

1. IF YOU CANNOT trust your neighbors, then you shouldn't be raising your kids near them. Meaning - if you have a very decisive, specific lack of trust. Not if you don't know them. But if you know them, and have concluded that they're not trustworthy.

But how can you trust them if you don't know them? And what should you do if you move in and they turn out to be untrustworthy? You can't change them.

Originally Posted by AnonChick

2. You should trust your neighbors, OR expect problems. Meaning, if your neighbors have proven themselves untrustworthy, and you have children, you should expect problems and not be surprised if you encounter trouble.

Why would you trust your neighbors more than any other random group of people? Once you get to know your neighbors you can decide whether they are trustworthy or not but there is nothing about a person living in close proximity to you that makes them more worthy of trust than another person. I have had untrustworthy neighbors in the past and had no problems with them. We just avoided them.

Originally Posted by AnonChick

I'm pretty confused as to why I had to explain this further. My wording was pretty precise, and pretty clear.

No it wasn't.

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by Momma_bear

Sounds like you don't know what you are talking about.

I understand what you meant now---not that I was making assumptions about you, but that I was making assumptions about my neighbors.

I do have the luxury of living in this neighborhood for 18 years. My husband has lived in this house for 30 years. But we get to know new neighbors who move into the neighborhood rather quickly. For example, there are two houses right near me that have neighbors who moved in within the past year. I not only have gotten to know them, but I've also gotten to know their friends and extended family.

When you move into a neighborhood like mine, you can expect you will get to know the neighbors. My neighborhood makes an effort to reach out to new neighbors. We really pull together and help out. If someone is working on a project, neighbors show up to pitch in---be it fixing a car, replacing a sewer line, etc.---without anyone asking for help.

Like I said, it's nice to live in a middle class neighborhood. I suspect those types of opportunities to get to know neighbors don't happen as easily in weathy areas where people hire contractors to do work for them. For example, I've been puppy sitting on occassion for my neighbor who moved here in the summer. If this were a wealthy area, a neighbor would simply put their dog to a kennel instead of asking a neighbor for help.

I guess wealth can be isolating---without even meaning to be isolating---by the very nature of people in a wealthy neighborhood not needing help. That results in neighbors having less opportunities to meet neighbors in situations where you truly get to know them, like we can here.

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by Momma_bear

Why would you trust your neighbors more than any other random group of people? Once you get to know your neighbors you can decide whether they are trustworthy or not but there is nothing about a person living in close proximity to you that makes them more worthy of trust than another person.

True. But it's easier to get to know neighbors than any other random group of people. We interact with our neighbors almost daily here.

[Kibbiekat]

I don't know why I am still surprised at which threads create the most controversy! this is one of those things that you just simply can't generalize about. If there was an emergency, I would have no problem with one of the "bus stop moms" or the nice retired lady next door checking on my kids. However, if the strange old guy 2 houses down knocked on my door, I would have to question his motives since we've never had a conversation before. Because I don't particularly trust him, am I supposed to put my house on the market and move? How in the world can anyone trust ALL of their neighbors???? And how can anyone possibly know that there will never be an emergency that would warrant someone checking????

[Momma_bear]

Originally Posted by Hopes

Like I said, it's nice to live in a middle class neighborhood. I suspect those types of opportunities to get to know neighbors don't happen as easily in weathy areas where people hire contractors to do work for them. For example, I've been puppy sitting on occassion for my neighbor who moved here in the summer. If this were a wealthy area, a neighbor would simply put their dog to a kennel instead of asking a neighbor for help.

Yet more wrong assumptions. People ask other people for help in wealthy neighborhoods. If they know them.

Originally Posted by Hopes

I guess wealth can be isolating---without even meaning to be isolating---by the very nature of people in a wealthy neighborhood not needing help. That results in neighbors having less opportunities to meet neighbors in situations where you truly get to know them, like we can here.

WOW-do you know anyone who is wealthy? Wealthy people need just as much help as anyone else. I just think that the fact that someone lives on your street doesn't automatically qualify them as a good person. I take the time to get to know people before I make any judgements (good or bad) about them. That has nothing to do with wealth.

You haven't moved to a new neighborhood for a while. When you move to a new neighborhood and do not know anyone there are you REALLY ready to allow complete strangers to check your kids when you are not there? What makes them automatically trustworthy just because they own/rent a home near your home?

I think it is prudent to get to know people before you just allow them to be part of your life. I have lots of friends but I take time to know people. I don't just assume that because they live next door they are good people. In an urban area there are lots of not so good people and they all live somewhere. They are all someone's neighbor.

[Katarina Witt]

Originally Posted by Momma_bear

Yet more wrong assumptions. People ask other people for help in wealthy neighborhoods. If they know them.



WOW-do you know anyone who is wealthy? Wealthy people need just as much help as anyone else. I just think that the fact that someone lives on your street doesn't automatically qualify them as a good person. I take the time to get to know people before I make any judgements (good or bad) about them. That has nothing to do with wealth.

You haven't moved to a new neighborhood for a while. When you move to a new neighborhood and do not know anyone there are you REALLY ready to allow complete strangers to check your kids when you are not there? What makes them automatically trustworthy just because they own/rent a home near your home?

I think it is prudent to get to know people before you just allow them to be part of your life. I have lots of friends but I take time to know people. I don't just assume that because they live next door they are good people. In an urban area there are lots of not so good people and they all live somewhere. They are all someone's neighbor.

First of all, I think we're talking about true emergencies here. Some of us have suggested some weather related possibilities, and others said "oh, they are predicable, you teach your kids what to do, etc". What about a fire? If my house were on fire and a total stranger saw it and knocked on the door to see if there was anyone inside who needed to get out, believe me, I would appreciate it. There are all sorts of things that usually don't happen, that CAN happen that might warrant a "welfare check".

[msm_teacher]

Originally Posted by Katiana

First of all, I think we're talking about true emergencies here. Some of us have suggested some weather related possibilities, and others said "oh, they are predicable, you teach your kids what to do, etc". What about a fire? If my house were on fire and a total stranger saw it and knocked on the door to see if there was anyone inside who needed to get out, believe me, I would appreciate it. There are all sorts of things that usually don't happen, that CAN happen that might warrant a "welfare check".

Actually, we were not talking about emergencies such house fires and EXTREME severe weather. A house fire, tornado, sudden unexected blizzard, etc. are, to me, much more than the bad weather the origial post was asking about. In those cases the danger would be very apparent.

The original post was about something different:

Originally Posted by gobrien

Recently an issue was raised on another website regarding checking in on your neighbors during bad weather situations. Would you want your neighbors to go to your house and check on the wellbeing of your children if you were not at home without asking you first? Of course I am talking about kids who are responsible and legally allowed to be at home alone, but who otherwise are in no apparent danger.

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by Momma_bear

WOW-do you know anyone who is wealthy?

Of course, I do. I live in a middle class neighborhood because we're a very down to earth family. My husband lived here when I met him. He wouldn't move because he loved the neighbors. I quickly realized what he was talking about. We do have wonderful neighbors.

What I'm talking about is definitely something special about the middle class in my region. I should know. I'm from a very wealthy family. My father was a corporate officer for a fortune 500. I grew up in an upper class neighborhood and have many friends who are wealthy. Their neighborhoods are very different from mine in terms of neighborliness. Seems like your region is the same in this regard. Afterall, few people came to your party. In my neighborhood, almost everyone would have attended if they were invited to a neighbor's party.

Originally Posted by Momma_bear

Wealthy people need just as much help as anyone else.

It's different though. Wealthy ask for help from friends who may live nearby but not necessarily next door. And wealthy people don't ask for help as often as middle class people because wealthy people can afford to hire people to do things that middle class neighbors tend to rely on neighbors to help.

Originally Posted by Momma_bear

You haven't moved to a new neighborhood for a while. When you move to a new neighborhood and do not know anyone there are you REALLY ready to allow complete strangers to check your kids when you are not there? What makes them automatically trustworthy just because they own/rent a home near your home?

Well, let's see. As a single mother, I moved to a new neighborhood when my daughter was an infant. I hired the woman who lived across the street to watch her during the day while I worked based on the recommendation of my landlord who lived in the building next to my building. I didn't know either one of them---my landlord or the lady I hired to watch my children. I used my gut instinct. The landlord was an elderly couple who were upstanding members of the community and very connected with the police force since the husband was a retired fireman. They were good people. She watched my daughter for two years. We're still very close.

Two years later, I hired the mother of the boy who cut my father's lawn to watch my children while I went out of town for three days on a mandatory business trip. I didn't know her either. We became very close. I chose her and her husband to be godparents for my son.

Originally Posted by Momma_bear

I think it is prudent to get to know people before you just allow them to be part of your life. I have lots of friends but I take time to know people. I don't just assume that because they live next door they are good people. In an urban area there are lots of not so good people and they all live somewhere. They are all someone's neighbor.

When you're not wealthy and you move to a new area, you have to rely on instincts. You don't have the luxury of waiting until you gain full trust. You need to hire people to watch your children so you can earn money to support your children. The very fact they live in the same neighborhood makes it easier to make a determination because you can get feedback from other neighbors---references that you literally talk to in person.

When you hire a stranger from another neighborhood, you have to rely on references the person provides. I'd much prefer to check with neighbors to find out if a person is a good person than call a reference list of someone I'm hiring who lives somewhere else. They could put anyone down for references. Reference lists are meaningless to me. Even past employer lists could be friends and relatives pretending to be past employers. (This happens all the time in the domestic worker workforce.) If they don't live in your neighborhood, you wouldn't go into their neighborhood to knock on doors to ask their neighbors if they would be good people to hire to watch your children. In your own neighborhood, you can do that.

Heck, the government checks with neigbhors when investigating for security clearances. I basically am doing the same thing when I hire a neighbor to watch my children---I check with their neighbors, who are my neighbors too.

[Katarina Witt]

Originally Posted by msm_teacher

Actually, we were not talking about emergencies such house fires and EXTREME severe weather. A house fire, tornado, sudden unexected blizzard, etc. are, to me, much more than the bad weather the origial post was asking about. In those cases the danger would be very apparent.

The original post was about something different:

It's hard to tell just what the OP was referring to. We don't have enough information to know that.

[Momma_bear]

Originally Posted by Hopes

Of course, I do. I live in a middle class neighborhood because we're a very down to earth family.

I consider myself pretty down to earth. We moved from a middle class area of a much more pretentious city to a wealthy neighborhood in a less pretentious city partly because we wanted a bigger lot, and partly because we really didn't care much for the "special people" we encountered on a daily basis in the last city. People who care about pretenses do not move to my city. It lacks cache despite having some high end neighborhoods.

Originally Posted by Hopes

Seems like your region is the same in this regard. Afterall, few people came to your party. In my neighborhood, almost everyone would have attended if they were invited to a neighbor's party.

I think it is regional rather than money related. In south FL people are not as likely to know their neighbors in any neighborhood regardless of money.

Originally Posted by Hopes

Wealthy ask for help from friends who may live nearby but not necessarily next door. And wealthy people don't ask for help as often as middle class people because wealthy people can afford to hire people to do things that middle class neighbors tend to rely on neighbors to help.

It makes sense to me to ask for help from a friend than a stranger. Just because a stranger lives near you that does not make them a friend. I would ask my neighbor to borrow a cup of sugar or an egg, but if I need someone to interact with my family members I want someone I know not just someone who lives nearby.

Of course once you are in a neighborhood for a while some of your neighbors become your friends and you begin to rely on them for help like any other friend. I don't think this has much to do with money though. My kids go to school about 2 miles away. I have friends that would pick my kids up from school and drop them at the house. Why would I ask a neighbor that I hardly know to do that if I had a friend who could do it?

Originally Posted by Hopes

When you're not wealthy and you move to a new area, you have to rely on instincts. You don't have the luxury of waiting until you gain full trust. You need to hire people to watch your children so you can earn money to support your children. The very fact they live in the same neighborhood makes it easier to make a determination because you can get feedback from other neighbors---references that you literally talk to in person.

This is not limited to people who are not wealthy. I would rather hire someone who was referred by someone I actually KNEW than just someone who lives near me. I guess I don't see what is so magic about someone who lives near me that I should trust them more than someone who may live further away but I actually know. A reference provided by a stranger is pretty useless even if the stranger lives across the street.

I am not sure why you see this as a money issue. I would rather check with someone I know when trying to find references for than with people who just happen to live in close proximity to me.

It always puzzles me that people are surprised to hear that one of their neighbors are criminals or have other undesirable characteristics. What is so magic about neighbors that makes them more trustworthy than other random strangers?