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Yes, it sounds like the father is very controlling and could be mental ill. The mother is not helping the daughter by enabling the father's odd behavior.
It sounds like the daughter is not moving on and could be stunted in her growth for not having her own life.
If it was me, I would move away and stop contact with both parents. I would write a letter and let them know why I was moving away from them. The letter would be more for me then for them so that I could close that door on my life.
Stop telling any plans to do anything. The parents are way to controlling, and yes, Dad is abusive.
Mom's harassment may be to get dad off her back. But, for your own sake, make your life your own, you are "busy", have other plans. Since you don't live with them, they have no right to dictate your life. Stop letting them know everything, then he can't want "in".
Sounds like sexual abuse was permitted from the father by the mother so as to get him out of her own affairs with other men. The daughter sounds like a victim and needs to cut the strings.
Toxic parents. The daughter is an adult, and chooses this lifestyle. Who are you to the family? If the daughter continues this dysfunction, and she probably will, as it has continued this long, what is your stake in this situation?
There are reasons why the daughter would continue to put up with this, could be for financial reasions, maybe her parents support her, or hold an inheiritance over her head.
Things won't change unless she physically moves across the country to live a life apart from her parents. Yes, she will have to change jobs, sell a house, make some hard financial choices, but if she wants to change her life, she has the power to do so.
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