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I know many women who retain their maiden names (especially for business purposes). It's never occured to me to infer from this they don't love their husbands.
Last edited by maciesmom; 12-12-2010 at 10:04 PM..
Not changing your last name says nothing about your love for your husband. I know plenty of people who changed their names who have since divorced! And plenty of people who have not changed their names but who have remained happily married. There are so many other factors at play here.
I did change my name, as I got married fairly young and didn't have an established professional career. I then formally turned my maiden name into my middle name, and for the purposes of some publications just used both. It makes life easier and more streamlined for all of us to have the same last name, and I don't feel like my identity was lost. My son also has my maiden name for his middle name. I'm happy that I changed my name, and do like the tradition of it, but would love my husband equally as much if I had chosen to retain my maiden name.
A name is just a name, although I understand why it carries significance. The specific meanings and symbolism are going to be different for different people, though, so what works for one family isn't going to work for others. (and I know several couples who changed BOTH of their names into one new, shared last name when married; it worked for them.) I would think that a teacher would be so used to seeing every imaginable variation of name that he or she would be used to anything, but from this thread it looks like that varies highly by specific location or context.
I have a different view. If you get married and you love the man, you must bear his name.This will also identify the children. Why keep your maiden name if you love your husband?
Says who? Convention? Sorry, no, I am not conventional, nor traditional. I do things that make sense to me. We did not get engaged because we could not figure out what the purpose of that tradition was. I did not change my name because I am me, my own person. I like who I am, I like my name, and I was not one of those people when young who longed to be Mrs. John Doe. Most importantly it's my choice, and it's what I wanted. My husband completely understands, and agrees with me. He also thinks changing names is a weird tradition. It should only matter to the 2 of us. Other people get to choose for themselves, and for each couple it's different.
Says who? Convention? Sorry, no, I am not conventional, nor traditional. I do things that make sense to me. We did not get engaged because we could not figure out what the purpose of that tradition was. I did not change my name because I am me, my own person. I like who I am, I like my name, and I was not one of those people when young who longed to be Mrs. John Doe. Most importantly it's my choice, and it's what I wanted. My husband completely understands, and agrees with me. He also thinks changing names is a weird tradition. It should only matter to the 2 of us. Other people get to choose for themselves, and for each couple it's different.
I agree completely. We're pretty unconventional too, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Our lives are rich and full and busy because of it. I was never one of those girls who planned my wedding my whole life or made a hope chest or any of that. My husband and I never even discussed me changing my name. We both knew that I wasn't going to, and it was never an issue.
Everybody in my household has the same last name. However, I'm very partial to my very unusual maiden name, so I dropped my original middle name and replaced it with my maiden name. It irks my MIL, too, but my husband thinks it's great.
I took my first husband's name when we married. After the divorce I kept his name even though I hated it, because I live in "Small Town Oklahoma" and it is a big stir if you don't keep it. Plus around here people will talk way to much about marital status or lack there of calling your children the "B" Word..... so I just kept it. Then I remarried and I took next hubby's name because that is what you do when you get married. My children carry their father's last name, as they should.
I was raised to call anyone older than me by Mrs/Mr last name. There are a very few people I was allowed and allow my children to call by their first name and only those that we are quite close to. I moved into my grandmother's house several years ago and my neighbor who was 90 needed me to help her call DHS and apply for benefits. They were shocked when I had to ask her what her first name was. I have known her my whole life by Mrs. Lemley. I honestly didn't know her first name. If I had ever DARED call her Della my grandmother probably would have knocked my teeth in. It is just not done.
I moved into my grandmother's house several years ago and my neighbor who was 90 needed me to help her call DHS and apply for benefits. They were shocked when I had to ask her what her first name was. I have known her my whole life by Mrs. Lemley. I honestly didn't know her first name. If I had ever DARED call her Della my grandmother probably would have knocked my teeth in. It is just not done.
I know how you feel. The only adults we were allowed to call by their first name where our parents best friends and we called them Aunt and Uncle eventhough we were not related. Very much a southern thing.
I did not take my husband's name when we married at his request. He also did not want our daughter to have his last name, so she has mine. People tend to assume that my husband's last name is actually my last name. It's amusing. My husband has taken my last name informally, but because it would be a PITA, he has not changed it legally.
Years ago, I knew a married couple who both changed their names to the hyphenated combination of their original surnames.
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