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I give up! My post was totally ignored by OP and I tried to be constructive. She ignores anything she disagrees w/ or debates it. This thread is a joke!
I think it is natural for women who want to be mothers to want to do it young. Biology is on your side.
On the other hand: A baby needs two parents . . . and to have a wonderful mothering experience, it would be best to have a partner. Parenting can be very lonely without a partner.
Don't have a baby to "fix" any unhappiness in your life. Wait until you meet the special someone and have built a solid foundation. Then add the baby to your family. There is no rush.
In the meantime, attend to your studies and goals, try to become as healthy as you can in body, mind, and spirit. If you are religious, go to church (a great place to meet people, I hear). If not, find another wholesome hobby.
A baby cannot and will not give you the missing love you might be craving.
I'm going to tell you right now, as the child of a parent who struggles with severe depression, do NOT have a child until you have a STABLE partner.
The only reason I am not irrevocably screwed up is that I had one stable parent who was able to balance out the parent who had severe depressive episodes that could last months (even with medication). Who is going to take care of you and your kid if your dosage stops working correctly? Who is going to check your decisions at a time when your brain may be chemically imbalanced? Here's a real life example: my father was driving to a job interview and disappeared. He was missing for 36 hours. The police finally found him severely dehydrated in a state park 800 miles from our home. He'd been contemplating suicide during a severe depressive episode. What if something like that happened to you while your baby was at home with you? Who would notice you were gone? How could they get to your baby?
My best friend was raised by a single mother (father took off before she was born) and has turned out to be a wonderful woman. She is getting married before she has kids because she wants her kids to have a father. It's not that a single woman can't be a good parent, but that two good parents are better than one and your kid will still wonder about their father. I don't know a single kid raised by a single parent who doesn't struggle with that issue. A lot of them have turned out fine, but they feel their lives would have been better with a good father (but agree that they are better off without a bad father).
So, before you have a baby (no matter what) make sure your depression is in check. I suspect you can't take anti-depressants while pregnant, so what will you do? What if you go in a downward spiral while pregnant and are in no condition to work once you have the baby?
Forget your age, relationship status and lack of real life/job experience. If you are truly suffering from depression and on medication for it, you should not be thinking about single parenthood. It is too dangerous.
This is probably the best post here^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS ONE!!!!
Before I had my first child I had very mild depression.. not even medicated but I probably should have been. After I gave birth I suffered from Post Partum Depression. It was fairly awful and basically has ruined my relationship with my oldest daughter and my younger one thinks she has to "take care" of me all the time. I am MUCH better now after 17 almost 18 years, but it took me a good 8 to get over PPD. My husband was a over the road truck driver and gone alot. Thankfully I lived close to my family and they could help me alot to keep on track. Make sure I got out of bed and fed the kids, things like that. My oldest almost failed Kindergarten because I was ALWAYS (3 days out of 5) late taking her to school. Not 5 minutes, HOURS..becuase I couldn't wake up because I was awake until 4 am having panic attacks thinking someone was breaking in my house.
If I had had a stable partner around it would have been so much easier and better for my children.
Then I went to Nursing school. When we went to the school for our "Pre-enrollment" lecture the instructors gave us a reading list to have done before we came to the first class, a uniform and equipment list for practice classes, and a talking to. They said (and it is true)" if you are married, try to stay that way. Tell your partner you will be absent for the next 2 years. You will be busy 24/7 while you are in these classes. ( They were right.) Don't think about getting married, getting a boyfriend/girlfriend, or having a baby. It isn't possible although some try to do it. " Personally, I ended up getting a "Nursing School Divorce" from my first husband. Nursing school wasn't the whole reason we divorced but it played a HUGE part in it. I do know a couple of single moms that graduated but they had alot of help from their families and/or child's father to manage it. Even with my mom's help I had a very hard time in Nursing School. I eventually had to withdraw because of my father's health and I never returned.
Good luck to you if you do decide to try this route. I hope it all works out for you.
Personally, I DON'T think 20 is too young to conceive a child. Most people in my family had their first child around 17-22 and have made excellent parents. If you're married, emotionally and financially ready, then have a baby.
But I suggest you get married first before having a baby though. Marriage should come first before having a baby. Your child(ren) need to grow up with two married parents.
You're right, in the past, it was common to marry at about 18-22 years of age and start a family - and the marriages were more successful than marriages today.
I agree about marriage first, it's very lonely for a single mother trying to raise a child on her own. And children do best if in a family where all the burden isn't on one parent. A lonely, depressed girl isn't going to find herself less lonely and less depressed because she is now a single mother. A baby may be cute but is also very demanding.
When you do you think you are even going to see your baby if you are working full time and going to school part-time? There are only 24 hours in a day. Never mind that you aren't going to be able to even afford diapers while paying rent and tuition as well as full-time daycare. And are you going to be graduating with debt from your current class?
If you yearn to be a parent so badly then surely you should also want to be able to give that baby the very best start in life - a parent who is there, a home that's safe, food and clothing. You're not going to be able to do any of that if you choose your own selfish needs over those of your child.
Thanks. I will definitely run a good list of things I need beforehand.
The reason most families need two paychecks is because most people in America don't know how to save or budget their money. I know of plenty of people, a few within my own family, that know how to live within their means on one paycheck. My grandmother, a high school drop out, managed to take care of NINE kids on her own after her kicking out her alcoholic and abusive husband.
If one lives in a low cost of living area, has only one child to take care of and a job that has benefits and pays 40,000/yr, he or she can do it off one income.
I've seen quite a few teen mothers without even so much as a HS diploma or a GED be able to support their kids w/out government assistance...why can't I, a HS grad with a good portion of college of the way, cannot?
Have you seen where those people live? What they eat and where they buy it? What kind of 'daycare' they have to leave their kids in?
I just had to quit a job paying $25 an hour (that's close to $50k annually) because my daycare and commute cost alone were more than my salary, and I don't have any benefits deducted from my salary so that was purely wage and tax. That wasn't even taking into account rent, car, food, utilities, diapers or formula. Sure I could have left my kid in some $100 a week dive but that's not for me.
My copay alone this year cost me $6k out of pocket. Not to mention I was put on bed rest at 32 weeks which ate up nearly all my FMLA. My employer could have fired me legally when my son was just 4 weeks old if I wasn't ready to return to work. My son was born with a medical condition that wasn't detected in prenatal testing that required surgery and several rounds of tests, weeks of recovery etc - if I had been working there's no way a boss would have been as lenient as I would have needed them to be. Sure none of these things might happen to you, but what if they all do, and worse? It's hard enough when you do have someone to help you, emotionally and financially.
Sooooooo many good points have been made. I hope and pray that the OP will take any one of them into account and not try to justify it away.
FINISH school, I mean completely
Get a job
save your money
make sure your depression is under control (I have it, I know what I'm talking about)
THEN contemplate having a baby, with or without a partner.
Okay, I can understand MOST of what you are saying, but what is wrong with not having a partner in the picture? I'd prefer to be a single mom. In fact, nowadays, there are plenty of women out there raising kids on their own.
As for the PT job, I plan to work full-time and go to school PT when I have my baby. And as much as I would love to adopt a dog or a pet, I can't. Where I live, I can't have pets.
If you have to ask this question, you do not know much about parenting. Single parenting can be done (obviously), but it's a lot of work. Parenting is a lot of work with a partner, too!
Okay, so let me first start off with this: I'm 19 years old. I graduated high school last year with honors. I am in my second year of college and I have a PT job and a saving's and checkings account w/over 2k. I plan on going to nursing school in the fall of 2011, and I don't plan on trying to conceive until after I am admitted and have a decent job as a CNA with my own apartment. I plan on having my own apartment, my CNA license and job by late 2011/early 2012. By then, I will only have two/three years left of college and be 20 years old.
I really have no passion in life other than wanting to be a mother. I have been depressed, but I am on medication. I have a yearning to be a mother, and I don't know how much longer I can wait. All I want now is to have a baby of my own. I know babies are hard work, but I am willing to put the effort into taking care of my baby. I don't have nor want a partner; I am willing to do this on my own (via sperm bank).
Is 20 too young to try to conceive? And are there some things I need before trying to have a baby? Also, how much money should I have saved up for a baby?
P.S. I have health/student insurance.
I'm 21, I will finish my B.S. in Accounting in Fall 2012/Spring 2013, and even then, I know I won't be ready for a baby. Yes, there is this urge for me to have one and cuddle it and snuggle so hard till it's face turns blue (lol, jk), but I won't have one because:
1. I don't have a steady, full-time job (I only have a PT one, and PT tend to be temporary)
2. My own insurance (not the one I have now based on my mom's job)
3. My own place and car (well, I did have a car, but its gone now, lol)
4. Enough money (sorry chick, having 2K in savings ain't enough)
To me, it seems you want a baby to fill a void. But, a baby won't do this. Babies, by nature, are selfish creatures. You exist to serve THEM, not the other way around. They will scream at you, call you names, have tempers, and when they grow up they will leave you for their own children. They are very stressful, and sometimes they can be born with diseases/disabilities, which is financially devasating even to older, established parents.
Finish your school, stay employed at a real job for about 3-4 years, then have the baby. I only embrace sperm donors for single women 40+. I think you should try to find a partner. Many kids who grow up without fathers (unless the dad died or something) grow up resentful of not having a father figure? They may be upset with you for creating them for your own selfish needs, and not for theirs.
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