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My parents didn't force me to go to church but they did enroll me in a baptist high school that I had to attend. Because of that my friends were all church people so I went to church willingly so I could hang out with them, but I never believed anything and I'm very strongly agnostic. I faked it and you can too.
Standing up for your beliefs sounds a lot better than in actually is, especially when nothing is gained by it but your own personal satisfaction of telling everyone you think they are stupid.
YOU know you don't beleive it and that should be enough. Keeping peace in your family while you live there is the bigger issue.
[quote=ciaobellaxx;17041230]Being an atheist generally requires a high level of logic and reasoning, so I commend you for that. I hope you remain strong in the face of all the adults with blind faith in an invisible sky daddy who patronise you and insist you can't know your own mind at a young age.
[/e quote]
This is very condescending. In my opinion, being a Christian requires a high level of logic and reasoning. Discuss the topic without attacks.
It's your parents decision if they want you to go to church. They probably feel that if you stop believing it is somehow their faults. That would make them feel as though they are damning you to Hell. While you live in their house, you follow their rules.
I'm going to play the devil's advocate here and disagree with most people here. I've been where Handel is right now. Except I was 12 at the time. ((You know, too young to know my own mind and all that jazz?)) I'm not going to go into full details, but let's just say that I realized at 12 that I wasn't religious... and I'm still not religious to date. But I went through being atheist with a Jewish father... and I hated what he did and forced me to do (all in the name of obeying one's parents), so my view is going to be gravely different than some of the advice here.
To everyone here who thinks "children" should be forced to attend religious services (and even be a part of them) against their will... If your child expresses feelings of "I'm not sure about religion", the last thing you really should be doing is perpetuating the situation. Yeah, children live under their parents rule, but faith is just one of those things you really shouldn't push on a child.
If my daughter wants to attend church or synagogue, then I'll let her. I won't be my father.
I have actually been in the same place you were, and where Handel currently is. My mother is very religious and I was required to go with her each and every week. At 18, I stopped going to formal church services and haven't been back regularly since. I really do get it and do think that faith is a personal matter, a personal choice.
If I were advising Handel's parents, I would advise them to have a long discussion with him over the matter. However, since we're talking to Handel (and assuming he's already tried to talk to them about this), if they won't budge on the issue of him attending church while he is underage, there's not much he can do as a minor in their house. It might help smooth the way in their relationship for him to simply attend for 2 more years and be respectful of their beliefs, of the beliefs he was raised with. Though I no longer attend church and my mom knows it, I'm glad I didn't spend those last few years fighting her tooth and nail, or throwing this fight in her face, because even if I don't feel the same way she does, I love her and her beliefs are very important to her.
Additionally, I'm a little curious about his suggestion to stay home or go to a friend's house. It almost sounds like he wants to get out of it as another chore that he doesn't want to do.
From the age of seven I began to question Christianity and BOTH of my parents are ordained ministers, so I literally grew up in church. Even with all my doubts, I was required to attend 3-4 services a week if I wanted any sort of privilege. It was their rule, same as curfew or the amount of time I spent on the computer. After I moved out to go to college, I stopped going completely. If I visit my parents on weekend, I am still expected to come along to at least one service, so I don't visit on weekends. It's pretty simple, if they are taking care of you, you have to obey their rules. You don't have to believe in it, but if your physical presence in church is required by them to maintain the privileges you enjoy while living in their house, then that is what is required. They can ground you and take away privileges if you refuse to go because all they are legally obligated to provide you with are the very basics of food, clothes and shelter. Once you move out, you never have to go again.
Ironically, I began studying Judaism in college, still attend services regularly and am in the process of converting because that makes sense to me, but I am a self supporting adult and don't need my parents for anything. Once you're in the same position, you can make your own decisions as well.
This is one of those hoops you will have to jump through for the next couple of years. Do like I did, and take up daydreaming.
When you grow up, you will be invited to weddings that may have a religious service as part of it, you will still attend those ceremonies even if you don't believe in the religious ritual involved. You may be invited to baptisms of your friends' children and again, you would still attend to celebrate with them even if you don't believe a baptism is necessary. You will attend funerals of family members and work associates, even if you do think they are now nothing more than worm meal. Sometimes being a good, nonreligious person means just showing up to show your support for the people you care for even when you don't believe.
By the time I was your age, I thought that Catholic faith was a crock, but I still had to go to church every Sunday. As soon as I moved out after graduation from high school, I was out of the house and that was the last of it for me. You will survive. Just count on jumping through the hoops for a couple more years.
Go to church so that in the future when you want to rebut a Christian in a theological debate, you'll have plenty of backup and evidence. That way they get what they want and you still get something out of it.
When I was 16 I started attending a non-denominational Christian church with a friend. My mom was a hardcore Catholic and upset at first. Then we reached a compromise. I would go to holiday Mass (Christmas, Easter, Palm Sunday) with her and I would also go to all Catholic family rituals (baptisms, first holy communion, etc.)
In return I could go to church with my friend most Sundays. It worked out well until I was 18 and left for college.
Maybe if you were willing to go to church with your famly, they'd let you join some an athiest or agnostic study/discussion group. You could explore your newfound beliefs that way. At the same time, you could gain a greater understanding of what the Christian faith/Bible is all about by listening to services in an objective way rather than simply accepting your pastor's interpretation.
Most Universalist Unitarian churches accept members of all faiths including athiests and agnostics and they have group discussions rather than typical church services so that could be one place for you to start.
I'm going to play the devil's advocate here and disagree with most people here. I've been where Handel is right now. Except I was 12 at the time. ((You know, too young to know my own mind and all that jazz?)) I'm not going to go into full details, but let's just say that I realized at 12 that I wasn't religious... and I'm still not religious to date. But I went through being atheist with a Jewish father... and I hated what he did and forced me to do (all in the name of obeying one's parents), so my view is going to be gravely different than some of the advice here.
To everyone here who thinks "children" should be forced to attend religious services (and even be a part of them) against their will... If your child expresses feelings of "I'm not sure about religion", the last thing you really should be doing is perpetuating the situation. Yeah, children live under their parents rule, but faith is just one of those things you really shouldn't push on a child.
If my daughter wants to attend church or synagogue, then I'll let her. I won't be my father.
Exactly.
If one is a TRUE Christian then they wouldn't even attempt to force faith on a child. They will come to it naturally, if it is meant to be.
I personally, don't always think I'll get a lot out of staff meetings at work either.....and yet, I am made to go....Sometimes, I'm even glad I went.
Learning to be places you may not want to be and behave in a respectful manner is a good life's lesson. Behaving in a respectful manner to your parents values while you are still a minor who lives at home is a good thing. Especially if you're going to want them to respect your choices down the road.
I'm going to call BS.
There are plenty of other places to learn life's lessons while not being forced to say things one doesn't mean and profess a belief they don't feel.
I understand what you're saying, and you definitely have a point. But I think the difference here is that the kid is 16, and has figured out what he believes, and you can't force him to believe differently, even if you do make him go to church when he doesn't want to.
He's more mature than a 12 year old, and should be able to understand that not going to church and flaunting his newly found atheist views may shock and upset is family in a way that's totally avoidable and not necessary.
I have very different religious views than my mother in law, and sometimes I have to bite my tongue about it and just respect that her views are her views, because, when it comes down to it, I love her and don't want to hurt her feelings.
Doing things for the sake of others even though we'd rather not is a sign of maturity, and this is a good place to start.
Avoidable? Not necessary? Really?
No, I disagree. I feel that my children are separate, autonomous beings and if they don't agree with my beliefs (agnostic) and decide to go to church you can bet your sweet bippy I would support that.
No matter what my friends or family thought.
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