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Accept the help of those who are willing to help. Sometimes we become "control freaks" and end up doing everything ourselves b/c other people don't know how you operate. Try to let go sometimes. Most likely your child won't care if their hair is undone or their socks don't match - they are kids. Family or a trustworthy babysitter will be good for your occassional date with your partner. Very important to keep that adult relationship alive!
Listen to soft music - whether is classical music or just one of your kid's rest time songs. Dim the lights and get in comfortable clothes when you're at home in the evening to help your body learn you're close to sleep time.
Pick your battles - not everything in your to-do list will get done. That's OK.
Find something you like and take your own time out. Whether is a few pages of a good book, cup of tea, wine, etc. Maybe some light exercises or some stretching to "get away". A nice mani/pedi helps me tremendously.
Working out 5-6 days a week helps me manage stress. I also get out of the house with friends every other week. Tonight a bunch of us went out to dinner. I've been having anxiety problems all day, but having an evening with friends completely relaxed me.
Stress is so personal. We all react differently and what might stress one of us out may not even get a second look from others. Parenting no doubt is stressful. My husband is military so out of the last 3 years he's been gone for about 20+ months, deployed, overseas...our families live 1000 mi away (always have so we never had grandparents for 'free' daycare/sitting ops). I used to work weekends at different hours, we move cross country every 2 years, my kids change schools, I am a single parent most of the time, ....LIFE is hectic.
Here are my things, some have been mentioned.
I always ask in a stressful situation "what can/am I learning from this situation?" keep it simple. We keep holidays just for us, we take trips and weekend getaways and its ONLY family time. We stay in hotels, we don't stay with family when we visit--allows us OUR own time together. Limit the drama! My kids simply play outside with the neighbor kids. Not many organized playdates for us--they run outside and play with the kids out there and are just as happy. keep it in perspective...my kids are healthy, we're happy-life is good. eliminate what you can/where you can-toxic friends/family, extra activities that really aren't necessary (I have my kids chose one activity per winter/summer otherwise I'd be all over the place at cib scouts, sports practices...they each chose ONE). Run-literally find time to exercise that is my one release. It clears my head even for 20 min. I do not get my nails done, I go to the salon for trims only, I'm not getting facials and massages...I run. It's pretty simple. Don't say you don't have time. If my husband is in iraq for 9 mo, no help whatsoever, two young kids (ages 3 and 5) and I have a full schedule, I used to run at 10pm at night before bed. FIND time. I also used to wake up at 4am. No excuses.
Bottom line, find something that helps you release, plan it into your week even a small amount and make it part of your schedule. It will help in the long run if you love or feel passionate about something. Attitude is above all #1 though. Look at stress differently and you may not feel stressed out so much! It takes time to learn this though.
Stress has been a constant struggle for me through my parenting years.
Parenting is the most stressful thing I've done in my life.
To make it worse, being parents doesn't afford much time for ourselves and we tend to put others first.
Do you make time for yourself? Or do you always put everyone elses needs first (like I do)?
How do you, as a parent, manage and reduce stress? How do you fit it into your daily busy life as a parent?
I'd love to hear parents thoughts on this!
For me, I guess it's like this..... When I'm stressed, I use a whole lot of self-talk. I remind myself that things could be oh so much worse. When the kids were younger and I had many things going on, all at once, I'd say, "What are the alternatives to this situation? If I were to whine and complain about this situation, and some miracle occurred that would mean never having to be like this, what would my life be like? How can I change things to make them less stressful, and at the same time, help my kids to become more responsible and appreciative?"
Take running several kids to where they need to go, BUT having to get dinner done early because one of them has a game. Insist...I mean, INSIST, that at least ONE of the kids finds a ride to where they need to go...INSIST! Get up in the morning and put on a CROCKPOT meal! Remind myself that my children COULD be seriously handicapped, or yanked away by a deadly illness or being hit by a drunk driver. None of those things are occurring, so that makes me "grateful" that I'm only dealing with the type of stress that I AM dealing with. Remind yourself that things could be oh so much worse. When you really visualize how much worse things could be, you become so very grateful that things are the way they are! Example: I have a car to run kids around. I'm not working full-time, so I CAN run them around. I have food that I CAN cook for my family. I have a HOME so that I can cook for my family. I have healthy kids that I DO have to take places. I am not housebound with severely handicapped children. The little one is NOT triplets!! LOL
Ask yourself if you want to spend your day being stressed or if you want to spend your day being grateful. There are so many things, in the grand scheme of things, that are simply not worth stressing over. It doesn't do any GOOD to stress over them. Find a solution to what's stressing you. If you can change them...do so, even if it's in baby steps. If you can't change them, what is the point in allowing yourself to stress over them. After all, stressing about it doesn't "change" anything. To a point, stressful situations can be good. They can force us into expanding our "solution base". Sometimes, it's those stressful situations that make us think outside of our box! But find the solution and get over the stress....or tell yourself "I can't change it right NOW, so I'll have to let it work itself out until I can come up with a solution...leave in on the back burner to simmer quietly." ((((HOPES))))
Stress is exhausting and is extremely unhealthy. Try to imagine what the large amounts of adrenaline and cortisol are doing to you ....doing to your vital organs. Constant stress is going to make you sick, wear down your immune system, etc. If you can't keep up with everything that's going on, and it's stressing you out, remember that your stress is robbing you of the ability to think clearly and it's sapping your energy reserves AND is going to make you sick! If you can't keep up with everything NOW hon, you're going to fall seriously behind once you get really sick.....hence, you're going to compound that stress. Hopes, you know this.... I know you do. You just needed a little reminder from a friend....
Hopes, one more thing my dear friend..... try looking at some of the things that you're doing, as far as putting others needs first. Sister, remember the story of the man who helped the butterfly out of its cocoon. Are you helping "others" so much, that you are crippling them? Are you robbing them of the ability to think and do for themselves? Are you taking away their abiity to experience things like a sense of accomplishment? If you died of a heart attack tomorrow, would you look at all the things you didn't let others do, or figure out for themselves, and wish....with all of your heart, that you'd allowed them to grow and find solutions on their own so they wouldn't feel so helpless, now that you're gone? Try looking at it this way my friend. Sometimes, saying "NO, YOU need to figure out how YOU are going to fix your problem.", is the kindest and most right way of handling things. You're not abandoning them, you're helping them to learn to stand on their own...and that's a beautiful thing!
This is obvious, but it is much easier to take time for myself now that both children are in school for part of the day. Then I can get to the beach and take a walk (by myself) for an hour....or DH and I can go to lunch. I can go back to bed after they go to school. And you know all the other time honored things, like hot baths, a glass of wine or cuppa tea, a good talk on the phone.
Mostly though I have found I need to relax my own perfectionist standards. For example, I love to cook, and I would make DH and I an awesome meal every night. But I have found we are all happier if I just fix something easy and quick like hot sandwiches or pasta or grilling a steak and we all eat together for an early dinner rather than spend an hour on something fancy just for the 2 of us. (Although sometimes I still do).
The house being a mess all the time...this is a major source of stress for me. I really like a clean house; it calms my mind. But it is so hard to keep up with the laundry, the bathrooms, the toys, etc. It is really stressful for me when I HAVE to get stuff done, maybe company is coming, and my kids want me to take them to the park or something.
I am open to suggestions on that one.
Invite adults to your home more often! I find that if company's coming, it's much easier to keep the house up, and much easier to focus on the fastest way to do so! LOL Also, if you allot yourself 30 min in the morning, completely undistracted, (set the timer on the stove), it's much easier to prioritize!
What I've always found helpful when I'm stressed out -and- physically busy - I find the rhythm in the work, in sing to it.
So if you're vacuuming or dusting, you could turn that activity into "mommy's playtime" and think of songs that match the rhythm. Dusting is a quick movement..1.2.1.2.1.2. - You could do a whole Sound of Music theme with cleaning. Dusting would be the yodling song. Vacuuming would be My Favorite Things.. washing dishes could be eidleweiss..
And while you're doing it, you put the image of the music's movie in your head, so it's all "live" in your imagination.
It's very relaxing, takes me to another place, and the work gets done.
I work full time and am a single mother to a 15 year old son. We recently moved my 89 year old father in with us and I have two dogs. My son swims so everything revolves around that - getting to and from practice 6 days a week . . Son and Grandad don't always get along.
I honestly feel that if I don't find a way to manage my stress; I will simply keel over.
Just got home from a swim meet and I plan to go in my bedroom and shut the door for a few hours; I need to get away from them; from everything.
I feel desperate; sorry for unloading in your thread.
I work full time and am a single mother to a 15 year old son. We recently moved my 89 year old father in with us and I have two dogs. My son swims so everything revolves around that - getting to and from practice 6 days a week . . Son and Grandad don't always get along.
I honestly feel that if I don't find a way to manage my stress; I will simply keel over.
Just got home from a swim meet and I plan to go in my bedroom and shut the door for a few hours; I need to get away from them; from everything.
I feel desperate; sorry for unloading in your thread.
Don't worry...we all need to unload from time to time.
And don't feel bad about needing to shut your door from time to time. We all need that too!
I work full time and am a single mother to a 15 year old son. We recently moved my 89 year old father in with us and I have two dogs. My son swims so everything revolves around that - getting to and from practice 6 days a week . . Son and Grandad don't always get along.
I honestly feel that if I don't find a way to manage my stress; I will simply keel over.
Just got home from a swim meet and I plan to go in my bedroom and shut the door for a few hours; I need to get away from them; from everything.
I feel desperate; sorry for unloading in your thread.
I can relate. Welcome to the sandwich generation. I kept my demented mother in my home with family for over 10 years until I felt I too was losing my mind.
Keep as much of your personal life as possible. Taking care of elderly parents and teens will sap every bit of energy out of you. The differences between such diverse generations are extreme and very hard for older folks to handle. My mother embarassed my son when she berated his friend for not taking his hat (baseball cap) off in the house. When I tried to explain to her different attitude now she huffed off with "Manners are still manners."
That is when I started separating us as much as possible without sacrificing the care she needed.
I was trying too hard to keep her a part of our lives but it just wasn't working. Remember your children come before your parents. And if you don't take care of yourself, you will not be any good for anybody.
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