Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I dealt with this as a freshman in high school, I had a guy in gym class that would not leave me alone. Finally one day he came to school and asked for my address so he could come to my house and kick my butt. I had previously talked to my dad about the bullying and he as usual told me not to start it but finish it if neccessary but there was one rule. If I fought the guy, got suspended and lost I had to spend 3 days at home doing housework and chores, if I won I spent my 3 day suspension at my grandma's(imagine you won a trip to Disney world). Needless to say I didn't start it but I did finish it and ended up annihilating the guy.
I'm most confused by the "punish in public and reward in private" votes.
That's freaky to me.
Think of the messages it sends to your children:
Parents are afraid of public opinion.
Parents are afraid of confrontation.
Parents are afraid to publicly defend their own child.
Parents are ashamed of being proud of their child.
The public doesn't approve of them defending themselves.
It's okay to be passive aggressive.
Not to mention sending conflicting messages to your children is like being raised by a parent with a split personality.
I'd sit them down and have them explain everything to me.
If they came to someone's defense they get a hug and a kiss.
If they stood up for themselves or a brother they get a hug and a kiss.
If, however, word reaches me that my precious snowflakes are the town bullies they get grounded until they're old enough to start having prostate problems.
If, however, word reaches me that my precious snowflakes are the town bullies they get grounded until they're old enough to start having prostate problems.
I didnt vote, I dont think i'd reward a kid for fighting period.. Even a bullied kid.
However I would not punish him or her for standing up for themselves.
When I was in grade school and my first year in Middle school (JR High back in the day) I was bullied.
Funny thing is, I was much bigger and stronger then 95% of the kids doing the bullying.
I was a gentle loving kid that avoided conflict if it arose.
There was a few times mostly off school grounds when I did lose my temper and dealt with it.
In 7th grade a kid that had been bullying me awhile jumped on my back in the hallway in school.
My instinct was to flip him over my shoulder, I didnt think about it just did it.
He ended up being hurt pretty badly plus I knocked the wind out of him so bad he couldnt breathe for about a minute and a half, it scared the crap out of me.
Funny thing is, after we became pretty good friends.
Mom did not reward me, but was happy I finally stood up for myself.
Nobody bothered me after that.
I don't think there should be a punishment/reward system involved. If my child stood up for themselves and did what they had to do, I would be proud of them, but I wouldn't reward their actions. We'd talk about the situation and what happened. I would also reinforce that fighting is always a last resort and ask them if they thought there was any other way to solve the issue. That would be the end of it.
Doing anything else sends a mixed message IMO. I'm not going punish them for defending themselves, that's a positive thing. I'm also not going to reward them fighting, that's a negative thing. I would also not be mixing it by condemning them in public and crowning them with laurels in private. I think Hopes summed that one up well, it's a horrible message to send to your child.
I don't think there should be a punishment/reward system involved. If my child stood up for themselves and did what they had to do, I would be proud of them, but I wouldn't reward their actions.
That's why I didn't vote. I definitely wouldn't "reward." They simply wouldn't be in trouble for defending themselves. I would "punish" if their use of force was too extreme though. The severity of the punishment would range from a lecture to outright grounding, depend on circumstances of what happened.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
