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We live in Chapel Hill, N.C. where we have had the most beautiful spring in recent history. We all know it will get ungodly hot soon enough so I've been encouraging my girls to spend as much time outside as possible.
They have no planned Saturday activities like sports so we can enjoy time home as a family.
We picked our house because of all the kids on the street but rarely do we find the other kids outside. When they were 5 or 6 alot of the kids were outside most of the time but as they get older it seems they are away from home much more than we are. Our house is the end of a cul de sac and very safe but it seems wasted right now.
Do your kids have Sat or Sun activities you have to drive them to? Is that the norm? Do they spend much time outside?
It makes me sad but at least these girls are best friends and enjoy playing together but what's the point of moving in a kid friendly neighborhood if all the kids are gone to organized activities all the time?
You said have chosen not to participate in organized activities so that you could have "family time" but you are complaining that there is no one around for your kids to hang with except family? Yes by mid elementary years many kids are involved with sports and other organized activities....my kids did play outside quite a bit but on Saturdays we often did have sports or family yardwork or other things to do....
Yeah that's a little confusing. You want family time, and that - by definition - excludes neighbor-kids and their parents time. If you want your kids to do family stuff, then they need to not be doing stuff with the neighborhood kids. Cause then, they'd be busy, with other families' kids, and therefore wouldn't be with you.
If you want your kids to enjoy neighborhood-kid-time, you need to ask your neighbors when that time is, because their idea of neighborhood-kid-time seems to not be corresponding with your idea of it.
It could just be that those families are doing exactly what you want to do with your kids - which is spend more time with their own families. That means, since you're not their family, you're not invited.
Neighborhood stuff tends to work itself out organically. But if it's not, the only thing you can do, is to talk directly to the neighbors. Find out when the kids are usually out doing the "neighborhood playtime thing", and give that same time to your kids.
When we moved into this neighborhood, we were broken hearted to hear from our 4 closest neighbors that there were no children under 12 in the neighborhood, other than ours. A couple neighbors had grandchildren who visited once in awhile, but that was it.
We moved here at the beginning of last summer. We saw nothing to prove them wrong. Our kids were all over this neighborhood exploring. We had a pool and spent lots of time outside. We didn't hear anything from other yards. This is a very small neighborhood - two streets in a loop - farm land surrounds us.
Around Christmas, my kids started taking the bus home from school. Turns out there are SEVERAL homes with children nearby. Most are daycare kids during the summer. Not sure why they're never outside in the evenings/night. Very few of the kids are around after school. It's not due to teams/sports/organized activities. I've spoken to the parents and get stuff like, "Oh we're just so busy... you know how it is". Ummm... no, I don't. My kids play/participate in organized activities, we go to various fairs and museums. They also have unstructured playtime, where they are encouraged to do their 'own thing'. Once in awhile, another child/children join them. But mostly, it's the two of them.
One family of kids are 'around', but other than play video games, they like to play with bb/pellet guns and shoot mailboxes, windows and small animals, steal their parents cars (ages 8-12), and other acts of hoodlums in training. My kids don't hang around them any longer.
I'm FB friends with many of their moms. From what I can tell, the kids accompany their parents to getting their nails done, shopping at malls and sitting around Starbucks posting on FB from their iphones. I'm not being sarcastic or exaggerating.
It makes me sad but at least these girls are best friends and enjoy playing together but what's the point of moving in a kid friendly neighborhood if all the kids are gone to organized activities all the time?
Didn't you know that this was MY topic? Why did you steal it?
You don't know me? ...The "crazy" foreign lady on CD who b****es about this phenomenon in American life on a regular basis only to end up being told that it is all in her head and it is all her fault?
Hmmm....but OK. You can have it and run with it. I needed a replacement because I have grown too tired and frustrated talking about it.
Joking aside...feeling your pain. To the bone.
And no, what you see is true and no, you're not crazy. And yes, it is sad.
Yeah that's a little confusing. You want family time, and that - by definition - excludes neighbor-kids and their parents time. If you want your kids to do family stuff, then they need to not be doing stuff with the neighborhood kids. Cause then, they'd be busy, with other families' kids, and therefore wouldn't be with you.
If you want your kids to enjoy neighborhood-kid-time, you need to ask your neighbors when that time is, because their idea of neighborhood-kid-time seems to not be corresponding with your idea of it.
It could just be that those families are doing exactly what you want to do with your kids - which is spend more time with their own families. That means, since you're not their family, you're not invited.
Neighborhood stuff tends to work itself out organically. But if it's not, the only thing you can do, is to talk directly to the neighbors. Find out when the kids are usually out doing the "neighborhood playtime thing", and give that same time to your kids.
I think that when she said "family time" she meant just being at home, around the house, without any engagement in something organized away from home. I don't think she meant "my kids should be JUST WITH ME AND THEIR FATHER on Saturday, eye to eye, face to face".
Family time CAN mean neighborhood time too. It could mean adult neighbors stepping outside and talking all while their respective children play together, freely.
It can mean a million things. Just not away from home in something organized.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc
It's not due to teams/sports/organized activities. I've spoken to the parents and get stuff like, "Oh we're just so busy... you know how it is". Ummm... no, I don't.
... From what I can tell, the kids accompany their parents to getting their nails done, shopping at malls and sitting around Starbucks posting on FB from their iphones. I'm not being sarcastic or exaggerating.
yes syracusa I know you and have seen many of your posts. And you are right- I was talking more about home time when I said family time. As opposed to getting in the car going someplace so kids can participate in planned activities.
I have picked activities for my kids to do after school and not on the weekends since DH is usually only home on the weekends and I know he wants to be home as much as possible. He travels all over the country during the week and I know the last thing he wants to do is travel anymore when he can spend time with us here.
Still I was hoping my kids could interact more with neighborhood kids on our street but they are rarely home. Seems like after they reach a certain age they are signed up for all sorts of on-the-go activities. This is our second set of kids many years apart and I over scheduled the first time around. I just didn't realize i would be in the minority.
It's hard to find family neighborhoods where children play outside like we did as children. The key is a neighborhood where most families have a stay at home parent. That's a tough neighborhood to find in any income bracket.
Two income households means most children are in after school care. When they get home in the evenings, they're not outside playing because the evenings are the only time the parents get to spend with the children. Add sports and activities to the mix and they truly are very busy families.
If they're not involved in weekend actvities, they are accompanying their parents while running errands and visiting extended family. The reality is two income households only have the evenings and weekends to get errands and chores done while trying to fit in family time too.
It's a shame our children don't get to have the childhood we had. When mine were in elementary school, we were fortunate that there were some kids in the neighborhood they played with almost daily.
Their social lives really took off once they met kids who lived in other neighborhoods. My house was always filled with kids staying over for the weekend. And my kids would often stay at their houses too.
yes syracusa I know you and have seen many of your posts.
Obviously, I was just trying to be funny. :-)
I would not expect you to know me. I just remember I posted enough posts decrying certain state of affairs that people probably got at least somewhat fed up with me.
I completely understand though what you meant by being in the minority. This reminds me of an exchange I had in the course of those aforementioned conversations. One parent concluded that I should stop complaining because, after all, I can choose to raise my children however I see fit and that I shouldn't expect everyone else to want to raise their children the way I raise them.
Few bother to notice that you cannot CHOOSE to raise your child in a certain way if that "way" is contingent on other people making similar choices to yours. I can send my kids outside all day long - but they will still not gain an interest in spending any significant amount of time outside if there is no magnet/no pull there. After all, if I were sent in an empty neighborhood where nothing ever happens, I would not want to be there either. I would want to be back in the house in seconds flat.
So you return to the option of organized activities, away from home, even in the week-ends. Or you simply have kids spend time strictly with mom and dad. But that free play in the family-friendly, kids-filled neighborhood that you broke your neck searching for during house hunting...is still not happening!!.
So it really is a vicious cycle.
We are now heading to Atlanta, our house is in a neighborhood with kids and supposedly very family-friendly (whatever that means nowadays); but like I said...I am not holding my breath.
The likelihood that we will be surrounded by families with old-fashioned values, whose kids are not hauled around everywhere to all sorts of organized activities or other places where parents need to go, or whose kids don't drown indoors in a sea of electronics and other toys ... at the end of the day...is a very small likelihood.
It does seem like in the past, kids had more free play while today a lot of kids have one organized activity after another. I think has to do with differences in families - some are very social and love team sports, lots of social activities, while others are less social and interested in being home.
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