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I think paying for the damage and losing the right to drive a car until 18 are relevant punishments because they are the closest to natural consquences.
It's punishment. Taking away priviledges. Just like if you get arrested, you lose a few priviledges. I know someone who can't leave the state b/c of a medical maijuana violation. It is as easy (probably easier) to smoke marijuana here as in Utah, but he broke the law, so no can go there (or anywhere else).
Yep...if he absolutely needs if for an assignment, fine! ...FOR the assignment!....PERIOD. Let him have the computer to chuckle and communicate with his BFFs on FB or chat? The list of what he did...the enormity of it all, IMHO requires some consequences that he won't soon forget. Too light a punishment could have dire consequences later and set a really pi$$ poor example for the younger brother. Apparently, since he covered for his actions, he didn't think it was that big of a deal, right? Well, let him see how "inconvenient" his big brother's life became, due to his irresponsible and defiant actions. Perhaps it will act as a deterrent for HIM in the future.
As far as the computer, just like the car, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. He could have the computer for an hour a day, say, for homework. If he can actually prove he needs it longer for HW, let him have it longer. You can still nix it for recreation.
I think the car should DEFINITELY be taken away, completely. He can get one when he is 18 and financially/legally responsible for it since he's proven he cannot be trusted on his parents' dime/car/insurance.
When my kids get a license for the first time, the DMS gives them a lecture about zero tolerance for drinking and driving at that age, there is no legal limit on alcohol for underage drinker-drivers. When we leave the DMS, I give them the same lecture all over again that absolutely they cannot drink and drive, not only will the DMS take away their license, I will help them and will never help them with a license, car, or insurance again.
I think if they understand from Day 1, it makes it easier, they should know without a doubt that drinking and driving, even driving after one sip of alcohol is out of the question, no matter what. But if they go ahead, then I would follow through.
And what I did at their age is a non-issue. We're not talking about me here, it's about them. Well -- I didn't drink and drive or steal cars or cuss out my parents because I think my dad would have flipped out. I was sure enough of that possibility that I never tested it.
When my kids get a license for the first time, the DMS gives them a lecture about zero tolerance for drinking and driving at that age, there is no legal limit on alcohol for underage drinker-drivers. When we leave the DMS, I give them the same lecture all over again that absolutely they cannot drink and drive, not only will the DMS take away their license, I will help them and will never help them with a license, car, or insurance again.
I think if they understand from Day 1, it makes it easier, they should know without a doubt that drinking and driving, even driving after one sip of alcohol is out of the question, no matter what. But if they go ahead, then I would follow through.
And what I did at their age is a non-issue. We're not talking about me here, it's about them. Well -- I didn't drink and drive or steal cars or cuss out my parents because I think my dad would have flipped out. I was sure enough of that possibility that I never tested it.
I think not letting him go to parties on Sundays (or any nights, for awhile) is also reasonable. Because that is the whole reason he took the car without permission, the whole reason he was either drinking, or in the presence of underage drinkers, the whole reason he scratched up the car, the whole reason he defied his parents to leave the house in the first place. He did it, because he felt that a party on a Sunday night was more important than respecting his parents, respecting their property, and respecting the law.
And so - since he hasn't learned yet how to prioritize, that option should be removed so he doesn't have to worry about it anymore. He can't go, period. He doesn't even have to ask. And the consequences, are that if he takes the parents car again, the car will be reported stolen, and the kid will have to risk being arrested. The parents shouldn't be paying to fix the kid's car either. He's old enough he SHOULD be working part time. He can pay to have it fixed himself.
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