My sons dad is dating around my son (babysit, boy, play)
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I agree with you and understand your frustration and pain in the matter. Though I've never personally been in the situation, my wife has friends who have and it is never easy.
I would just reiterate what Beth 56 said below. You need to get along with your ex for the sake of your child. You obviously have a custody agreement that means the two of you are routinely around each other. Somethings and this maybe one of them, you need to learn to let go of in order to keep the peace between you.
That doesn't mean letting your guard down and giving him a pass on everything, it means dealing with it a non-emotional and logical manner. You've told him you don't agree with him bringing people he is casually dating around your son, for your sons benefit. He obviously doesn't see it as a big deal and may think you're just jealous. You need to figure out whether it is a big enough issue to go nuclear over. I don't think it is.
Thank you! I appreciate your insite on the matter. I am not good at keeping emotions out of things ecspecially when they involve my son, but i am trying very hard. I am doing everything i can to keep a good relationship with my ex, which is why a custody battle is out of the question. That would not be good for us and would be absolutely terrible for our son.
This is EXACTLY how i feel. However, what i am unsure about is how to handle him not seeing it the same way. How do i attempt to relay to him the importance of being a good role model for his son when he believes that these things will not effect him?
Well you can't control him. He can do whatever he wants. You and he have a difference of opinion on this issue and unless you have a legal document that states that he cannot have other people over when your son is visiting you cannot control what he does.
This is a tough one. I agree with you that it would probably be easier on your son if his dad showed some discretion--not having sleepovers on the nights he stayed over, etc. Even if they're not *ahem*, I think it can still be a confusing message for a young child, and not great in the long run if he has a new girl every month.
However, I agree with the others that there's really very little you can do. Although this is not great parenting in my book, it's not illegal, and I worry that if you complain to a judge, it's just going to look like jealous ex behavior. He's not making the responsible call as a parent, IMHO, but nor is what he's doing as bad as hitting the kid, etc.
If you two have a good relationship, you can try talking to him, but my guess is that if you had a good relationship, this wouldn't be happening in the first place. I'm sorry.
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Please help me. I have no idea what to do. The father of my son and i were together for 5 years. My son is now 3. We broke up about a year ago. Him and i just see things too differently. I have never been able to get him to understand my point of view on any situation.
Anyways, he is starting to see other girls now, nobody serious. I recently found out that he had a girl stay the night with him while he had his son. (They share a room). Him and i got into a rather bad blow up about it. I think it is highly inappropriate to have someone that you are seeing around your children until the relationship has become serious. He does not believe it to be an issue and i do not know how to get him to understand that it is not good for our son. Advice anyone, please??!!
He is doing nothing illegal and it would not be grounds take the children away from him...
Unless you are saying that they are having sex infront of them, if this is true, then you are right, but if they are sleeping behind doors, that is ok.
What? how dare you to tell him...he can't date because he has a child?
He isn't with you anymore...Just because you think a certain way doesn't mean he does..Lots of poeple date with kids..Thats a part of life...Dont act like you can't date and have someone around your kids. Thats is one of the dumbest things I heard of?
It seems like a jealousy issue to me
I hope he told you it was none of your business
And no dating doesn't harm your kids..
So no its not an issue..only your controlling issue..
youre not getting the main issue. she said her son & ex share a room, he had a girl stay over...and im gonna go out on a limb here and assume she didnt sleep on the couch or in another bedroom. WHO does that? sleeps with someone, sex or not, infront of their child? meanwhile its NOBODY serious????? thats disgusting and not healthy for the child. im NOT saying he cant date or even have anyone over- hell he can do whatever he wants, but NOT in the presence of a child. RIDICULOUS!
Thank you! I appreciate your insite on the matter. I am not good at keeping emotions out of things ecspecially when they involve my son, but i am trying very hard. I am doing everything i can to keep a good relationship with my ex, which is why a custody battle is out of the question. That would not be good for us and would be absolutely terrible for our son.
FWIW, one of my wife's friends became an avid journal writer while she was going through something similar. It started out as a way for her to record all the things she saw her ex doing that were "bad". Eventually she realized it was very cathartic and being able to read over all of the emotion she was pouring into the journal helped her realize how wrong she was about certain things and she needed to loosen up a little to make it all work.
Playing into her proclivity for writing, she began to not simply discuss issues about her child with her ex, but instead wrote him letters. By writing the letter and then revising it to remove the emotion that was coming out, she was able to logically and non-emotionally bring up issues with him. She was surprised when he started writing letters back explaining his side and what he did and didn't agree with. Addressing the issues that way kept them from getting into verbal arguments that became very emotional and they were able to see each others side a little better.
This is a tough one. I agree with you that it would probably be easier on your son if his dad showed some discretion--not having sleepovers on the nights he stayed over, etc. Even if they're not *ahem*, I think it can still be a confusing message for a young child, and not great in the long run if he has a new girl every month.
However, I agree with the others that there's really very little you can do. Although this is not great parenting in my book, it's not illegal, and I worry that if you complain to a judge, it's just going to look like jealous ex behavior. He's not making the responsible call as a parent, IMHO, but nor is what he's doing as bad as hitting the kid, etc.
If you two have a good relationship, you can try talking to him, but my guess is that if you had a good relationship, this wouldn't be happening in the first place. I'm sorry.
youre not getting the main issue. she said her son & ex share a room, he had a girl stay over...and im gonna go out on a limb here and assume she didnt sleep on the couch or in another bedroom. WHO does that? sleeps with someone, sex or not, infront of their child? meanwhile its NOBODY serious????? thats disgusting and not healthy for the child. im NOT saying he cant date or even have anyone over- hell he can do whatever he wants, but NOT in the presence of a child. RIDICULOUS!
FWIW, one of my wife's friends became an avid journal writer while she was going through something similar. It started out as a way for her to record all the things she saw her ex doing that were "bad". Eventually she realized it was very cathartic and being able to read over all of the emotion she was pouring into the journal helped her realize how wrong she was about certain things and she needed to loosen up a little to make it all work.
Playing into her proclivity for writing, she began to not simply discuss issues about her child with her ex, but instead wrote him letters. By writing the letter and then revising it to remove the emotion that was coming out, she was able to logically and non-emotionally bring up issues with him. She was surprised when he started writing letters back explaining his side and what he did and didn't agree with. Addressing the issues that way kept them from getting into verbal arguments that became very emotional and they were able to see each others side a little better.
Maybe you could try something similar.
Thank you, i really like that sugestion. I have used it in the past, but not for a long time. Maybe i will try this again. THANK YOU!
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