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Our son (11) spent most of the summer rehearsing a musical where he had a major part. Being the little and cute one in a sea of artistic adults, he was doted on during rehearsals and loved every minute. His part was central to the show and he did a great job and was showered with accolades after each of seven performances. Now it is over and he is just back to being a kid, he will not likely see many of these people again.
I remember being in a play at that age and I was devastated when it ended. Although I remember little about the play, I vividly recall how sad I was afterward.
Anyway I am trying to figure out the best way to help him get over the sadness. Is it better to talk to him about the show, sing the songs with him while working on his tree fort, etcetera; or is it better to not bring up the show and just try to keep him busy and distracted? I have no idea, but I do not want him to feel the anguish that I remember so vividly.
You are always sad when shows end, and after that first one, I was involved in another 20 or more and the extreme sadness and empty feeling at the end never completely goes away. A horrible wall of sadness envelopes you after each show and I never found a good way to deal with it, but it gets easier to deal with and less severe as you either grow up, or get more experience with it. I do not have explicit memories of overwhelming sadness about later shows to the extreme extent that I recall for the first one. That was probably the saddest that I can remember being as a kid. I do not want him to remember a horrible sad and lonely month (plus) as one of his most vivid memories if anything can be done about it. Does anyone have any idea as to the best way to help him deal with the wave of sadness?
If not, I'd have one for your son and the people who worked on the play. If you can't reach them invite the family and friends who supported him.
Wrap parties are held on films after the principal shooting has ended. It's a way to acknowldge how close (hopefully) the cast and crew have become. And it's a way to say good-bye. Most people know they may never work together again. (Casting, union rules, whatever.) So there's one big blow-out, and the people move on to the next job.
I think that's what your son needs. Something that says "It was great, but it's over. What's next?"
I'm confused. You didn't say your son was sad. Are you just projecting your experience and trying to make sure your son doesn't have the same feelings, or has he brought it up?
All good things come to an end, and 11 isn't too young to experience that. I can't see it being healthy to constantly be the center of attention either.
But, why can't he audition for another show? My niece did community theater almost year-round as a child and teen. Now she does summer stock.
I'm confused. You didn't say your son was sad. Are you just projecting your experience and trying to make sure your son doesn't have the same feelings, or has he brought it up?
Yup!
No mention of the son actually being sad.
OP, just because you were sad doesn't mean your son will be.
Mine was thrilled to move on to the next adventure!
I would speak candidly with him and see what he's feeling.
If he is sad (which would totally make sense after throwing himself so fully into the show and its culture for so long!), then maybe asking a lot of questions about his experience of the feelings would help. You can certainly share your experiences as well - do you still have contact with other theater-people? My thought is, chatting about the experience of wrapping up a show with multiple people (or even reading other child actors ways of coping with that and moving onto the next thing) would give him a diversity of experiences to help normalize whatever his own experience is.
If he's not overly sad about, I'd still say check in with him on it, but then let it go.
Maybe you are the one with the problem and your son is dealing just fine.
It is life, you will get to know people and grow attached then *poof* never see them again, even in cases where "we will keep in touch" the period between visits will get larger and larger until it stops.
IF your son really is having trouble moving on and looking forward, talk to him about all that he has coming up, and help him focus on the bright side. My son has trouble transitioning from a fun experience back to daily life (usually after a vacation or visit from family). We talk about how much fun it was, that it is ok to feel sad, but that we have the next vacation or visit, or whatever to look forward to now.
He is down. I do not know how much, he just came home and went to bed after the final performance and strike on Sunday. This morning he did not want to talk to anyone, but that is not unusual in the mornings. He came in and said that he was incredibly sad and then went back to bed.
Dealing with sadness is part of growing up, but what I am asking is whether anyone knows ways that I can best help him deal with it, not how to prevent it. It cannot be prevented. This is undoubtedly the biggest thing that he will be part of for a very long time. Parts like that do not come along for kids very often.
This particular theater group is very intense and they rehearse late into the night. They are somewhere in between community theater and professional theater. They are 40 minutes away from our house (each way) so performing with them during the school year is probably not practical (if they happen to have a part for an 11 year old) There are only two other groups in our area. One you have to take lessons at their "school" and it is expensive. The other we can check into. They are more of a community theater and less intense, so they might have a better schedule. I am not certain whether they are still operating. Three other community theater groups in our area have folded in the past five years. So it may or not be possible for him to get involved in another show anytime in the near future, but I am trying to deal with right now. This is the difficult time. In six or eight weeks, it will be better. He will have school, soccer travel team (whatever that is), new friends, first year of middle school, and lots and lots to keep him busy and distracted.
However my question is simply this. Is it better to bring back discussions of the show and sing the songs with him, or better to not mention it at all and try to get him focused on other things?
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