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Old 01-13-2008, 11:41 AM
 
Location: New York
371 posts, read 1,785,029 times
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Hi because of another thread I was on I thought I would ask parents that have only one child if they feel satisfied with that and do they ever feel guilty?

We decided to have a child when I was in my mid-30s and are so happy we did, but have really never given another thought to having more. We are both in our early 40s and feel quite content with our son. People can't seem to understand why anyone would want to have just one child and often try to make us feel guilty for our decision. They also prejudge our son. He must be spoiled, lonely, bored, etc. . . The only thing I feel sorry for is him because of this prejudgemental attitude.

Would love to hear from other families about this issue. Thanks.
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Old 01-13-2008, 12:07 PM
 
Location: FL to GA back to FL
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Well, I have an only soon to be 20 year old son. We were a bit different then you, as we tried unsucessfully to have more. I always wanted at least 2, but our "only" has filled our lives with so much. He is and always has been a very independent, strong willed child and now young man. He is so smart and intelligent that he almost has no common sense! The only thing that I feel bad about is not giving him a sibling. It used to drive me crazy when people would say "is that your only child?" It sounded so lonesome but I got used to it. I would tell 'em I was "only" given what I could handle.
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Old 01-13-2008, 12:30 PM
 
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We only have one and I can't imagine it any other way. He is now 14. Very independent young man. But he is also a home body who loves to hang out with his parents. He is a great kid and far from spoiled. I suppose that is something you have to be very conscious about, but not sure how being an only child creates that - I've seen plenty of very spoiled children from homes with lots of kids.
I have asked my son if he wishes he had a sibling - he says absolutely no way. There are no guarantees that siblings will be lifelong friends or even like each other for that matter. So to have more kids for that reason may prove to be a disappointment later on.
We've been able to offer our son so many more opportunities because he is the only one. Don't ever feel guilty about choices you've made. Maybe some of those people judging your choice are just jealous
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Old 01-13-2008, 12:41 PM
 
Location: New York
371 posts, read 1,785,029 times
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Ready2move, I'm sorry because it sounds like you feel kind of sad about the fact you have only one and I'm sure you're not the only one out there.

JKCoop, I really identify with your post as we have never really wanted more. Our son sometimes wishes he had a sister or brother, but forgets when he's playing with the cat or 2 dogs. They've become our family also. As far as siblings being friends, I have 2 sisters and one that never talks to me and the other I only communicate either over the phone or via email. I agree with the fact its not a guarantee of friendship if you have a brother or a sister.

Thanks for both replies. Very different, and yet very interesting. There are no wrong answers to this question.
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Old 01-13-2008, 12:51 PM
 
Location: FL to GA back to FL
894 posts, read 3,891,847 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Homewardbound66 View Post
Ready2move, I'm sorry because it sounds like you feel kind of sad about the fact you have only one and I'm sure you're not the only one out there.


Thanks for both replies. Very different, and yet very interesting. There are no wrong answers to this question.
Naw, I was sad many years ago. But it is true that you are only given what you can handle. Our son is our everything, but he has given us much to be freaked out about. Although we are his parents, we are also his friend. But that is another topic altogether. It hasnt always been easy, and I think that from around 13 to 22-33 males are not wired correctly

I wouldn't trade what we have with our only, now for anything.
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Old 01-13-2008, 12:59 PM
 
Location: New York
371 posts, read 1,785,029 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ready2move View Post
Naw, I was sad many years ago. But it is true that you are only given what you can handle. Our son is our everything, but he has given us much to be freaked out about. Although we are his parents, we are also his friend. But that is another topic altogether. It hasnt always been easy, and I think that from around 13 to 22-33 males are not wired correctly

I wouldn't trade what we have with our only, now for anything.
Thanks for the follow up Ready2move! That really explains it. I have to say I am more than a little worried about the teenage years with our guy. He is quite independent, but craves the acceptance of others. I am working on the craving to be accepted part because that's what gets a lot of kids into trouble.
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Old 01-13-2008, 02:55 PM
 
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I don't think there's anything wrong with having only one child.
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Old 01-13-2008, 06:13 PM
 
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Good question. I'm pregnant with our second and keep wondering if we are about to mess up a perfectly good one child home-nerves I suppose. I guess you always wonder about what you don't have.
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Old 01-13-2008, 11:48 PM
 
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Well, I have 4 children, not one, but I think having one child only is great if you are happy with that. 1 is waaaaay easier than 2, 3, or 4. The only thing I have to say is make sure that child grows up respecting people and not acting rude and spoiled. I have known a few only children that think the world owes them.
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Old 01-14-2008, 07:17 AM
 
Location: New York
371 posts, read 1,785,029 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brokencrayola View Post
Well, I have 4 children, not one, but I think having one child only is great if you are happy with that. 1 is waaaaay easier than 2, 3, or 4. The only thing I have to say is make sure that child grows up respecting people and not acting rude and spoiled. I have known a few only children that think the world owes them.
I have to respectfully disagree with you on the issue that one is waaaay easier than 2, 3 or 4. Do your children play together at all? Mine doesn't have another sibling to play with and so I'm the entertainer and the mother. The only way I see that this easier is maybe when you go out you have to be more organized than a Mom with only 1 child.

"I have known a few only children that think the world owes them." I have known many children that come from families with 2, 3 or 4 that have spoil issues. Its not the number of children one has its the way they are raised.

My husband built my son a loft bed this weekend and he was so excited and appreciative. He at one point went into the kitchen and got Daddy a cold glass of water and went into the bathroom and got a towel. He returns to where Daddy is working and hands him the glass of water and proceeds to take the towel and wipe Daddy's forehead (sweat). He's 5 years old and he's an only child. I guess I wouldn't describe that behaviour as "the world owes him."
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