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My daughters 8th birthday is coming up and we plan on having a Disco Party at home. She has made a list of 12 girls she would like to invite out of both 3rd grade classes. I don’t have a problem with her doing this and wanting to be with the girls she likes the most on her day. I plan on mailing the invites but inevitably kids tend to talk at school and I am sure others will find out they were not invited. I personally understand that not all classmates can be invited to every party and my DD has been on that end too with out it hurting her feelings. How do you handle the situation when a child or worse their parent ask you why they did not get invited? There is especially one pushy girl and her mother who do this. I included that child last year and my daughter cried when I did.
One, any adult who asks this is immature and not socially ept. Who does that?
Two, I'd say, "We invited her friends." End of story. Let them put the pieces together of what it means.
I'm going to disagree with this one.
My kids have had plenty of opportunity to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them, and plenty of learning experiences. A birthday party is, IMO, intended to be when you celebrate a special occasion with your nearest and dearest. We invited the whole class in kindergarten, and started limiting parties thereafter to the children they voluntarily socialize with. If little Hermia is not normally someone Lucrezia would invite over, I'm not inviting her over for what is essentially a Really Big Playdate, With a Clown and Ice Cream.
Parenthetically, I did, once, insist eldest dd invite a girl she didn't want to invite to a sleepover. By morning I knew why she was dragging her feet. The girl was, despite the fact that her mother was a lovely human being, a thoroughly obnoxious and mean-spirited one. That was my learning experience-- to trust dd's instincts.
We have always invited the entire class although now 14yo is in middle high school, she wants to only ask specific people to her 15th. I am OK with that.
I'm going to disagree with this one.
My kids have had plenty of opportunity to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them, and plenty of learning experiences. A birthday party is, IMO, intended to be when you celebrate a special occasion with your nearest and dearest. We invited the whole class in kindergarten, and started limiting parties thereafter to the children they voluntarily socialize with. If little Hermia is not normally someone Lucrezia would invite over, I'm not inviting her over for what is essentially a Really Big Playdate, With a Clown and Ice Cream.
Parenthetically, I did, once, insist eldest dd invite a girl she didn't want to invite to a sleepover. By morning I knew why she was dragging her feet. The girl was, despite the fact that her mother was a lovely human being, a thoroughly obnoxious and mean-spirited one. That was my learning experience-- to trust dd's instincts.
Agreed. Perhaps some of the non-birthday kids need to learn that the world does not revolve around THEM.
As an adult, I don't invite everyone I know to every gathering. Sometimes I might invite two or three friends over for dinner, and none of my other friends call and cry that they were not also invited. That's life.
Another one here in agreement of only inviting those your daughter wants to attend. In my book, it would NOT be ok to only leave one or two kids out, but as she is inviting less than half the girls from her year, there is no problem.
I can see the value in doing that, and we did that in preschool and kindergarten. Going forward, we won't though. As they get older, it gets easier to tell who their friends really are.
We did it for kindergarten through 4th grade, which is the last year of elementary school. During those years, the children stay with the same class even if they change rooms for teachers, just like in kindergarten. Once they moved to intermediate/middle schools, we didn't invite the whole class because they had schedules with multiple classes. But we did invite the whole class again in 6th & 7th grade when they attended a small private Catholic school because the class set up was similar to elementary school during those years.
My children never commented or complained about inviting everyone. They loved it. I never heard "I don't want to include so and so." It seemed natural to them to include everyone. That's why it seemed so odd to me that the OP's daughter cried about inviting someone.
Most of the parties were normal size because not everyone accepts due to schedule conflicts. But I did end up with a HUGE party of 40 kids on year because EVERYONE from class and the sports team surprisingly RSVP'd they were coming to my son's party when he was in 6th grade. I was able to easily handle the logistics of it via a bowling party. I broke them up into 10 teams of 4 using 5 lanes and color coded name tags for each team. Arranging the teams wasn't much different from planning seating arrangements for a dinner party. The party didn't even cost me much more money than the other parties because I was able to bring my own food since it was a bowling alley.
My children never commented or complained about inviting everyone. They loved it. I never heard "I don't want to include so and so." It seemed natural to them to include everyone. That's why it seemed so odd to me that the OP's daughter cried about inviting someone.
I went to school in a similar set-up with pretty much the same people in my class from 1st to 5th grade. But that doesn't mean everyone in my class was a good enough friend to come to my party. That's just life. Also, what about friends who are in other classes, same age cousins, etc., who are wanted on the guest list. Some people don't have the money to invite a ton of kids, some of whom may not even be good friends with their own child.
Also, I can't even imagine throwing a party with 40 kids!
Last edited by carolinacool; 07-19-2011 at 09:23 AM..
My son didn't want to invite some of the kids in his class because they are bad apples and cause trouble with the other kids. I wasn't going to force him to. What's the point?
I went to school in a similar set-up with pretty much the same people in my class from 1st to 5th grade. But that doesn't mean everyone in my class was a good enough friend to come to my party.
Obviously, we feel differently about it. Most other parents in my area invite everyone too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by carolinacool
That's just life. Also, what about friends who are in other classes, same age cousins, etc., who are wanted on the guest list.
Other close friends were always invited too, such as friends from the neighborhood, etc. That's how the 6th grade party got so big! The guest list included his class, his sport team, and his other close friends he had aquired through the years.
My children have no same age cousins. We always did a separate family party at home anyway. Some years it was immediate family, other years we'd invite aunts, uncles and cousins. We don't have a large extended family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by carolinacool
Some people don't have the money to invite a ton of kids, some of whom may not even be good friends with their own child.
That's okay. But we personally didn't mind spending a couple hundred on a party. It was our birthday present for our children.
Quote:
Originally Posted by carolinacool
Also, I can't not even imagine throwing a party with 40 kids!
I'll admit, I was nervous at first, but it turned out great and was really fun!
My son didn't want to invite some of the kids in his class because they are bad apples and cause trouble with the other kids. I wasn't going to force him to. What's the point?
My children never said they didn't want to invite someone.
I've never seen a bad apple at any of their parties. Perhaps the bad apples declined the invitations, regardless, it's always nice to be invited.
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Couldn't agree more.
