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I was putting my dd's laundry away in her room, and came across a pack of condoms! It was open, apparently one or more had been removed.
I was shocked! I have no idea where she got them, or if she has been using them. Please, no lectures about the more knowledge the better, yadda, yadda. she's 14!
Kids these days are being bombarded with sex, from TV, Internet, and most especially school! They practically enforce the sex bit, like there's something wrong with kids who aren't sexually active!
Right now, I'm trying to figure out how to proceed. I won't confront her until I think this through, and please, don't jump me that its "her life, her business" She's still MY child, and only 14!
Has anyone else stumbled onto something like this and how did they handle it?
Yicks! I'd be shocked too. Does she have a boyfriend?
I don;t suppose she could have gotten them at a health fair or some sex ed lecture in school?
I don't have much advice, my kids are much younger, but I think you are doing the right thing in calming down and thinking this through- you'll get more truthful answers if you can remain calm when you talk to her.
Marylee as a parent myself the best thing to do is to NOT OVERREACT!
Think rationally and speak to her that you came across them while you were putting away her laundry. Tell her you are concerned that she is sexually active and that while its ok that she uses condoms to prevent pregnancy that maybe you should take her to the doctors and get her some birth control.
It is better to be safe than sorry and knowing your history with your children, I feel instead of getting angry about it be proactive and prevent an unwanted pregnancy that may or maynot result in you taking care of a grandchild you may or may not want.
You cannot go back in the past to prevent her from having sex or lock her in her room but you can help prevent a teen pregnancy.
She doesn't have a "boyfriend" in the official sense, but is socially active. There are opportunities for sexual activity.
My first thought was, she either got them at a health fair, or some sex ed class in school. Or, it could have been part of "girl talk" and passing them around to look and act cool.
I will not approach her until I talk it over with dh, and calm down. Peer pressure is great at this age, and could result in even more serious issues. I need to schedule her a checkup with her pediatrician, and will call for them to perhaps recommend a female gynecologist for a well checkup.
My cousin was pregnant at age 14, despite very involved parents. she sneaked out the window at night, met her boyfriend, my aunt didn't know anything until the cousin revealed she was 4 months pregnant.
When I was 14, my mom was snooping a lot, and it irritated the heck out of me, so I stole my brother's condoms to give her a scare. I was not sexually active at all. I just wanted to teach my mom a lesson. I would say that that instance is probably unlikely, but just so you are aware, that's how my 14 year old mind worked.
She doesn't have a "boyfriend" in the official sense, but is socially active. There are opportunities for sexual activity.
My first thought was, she either got them at a health fair, or some sex ed class in school. Or, it could have been part of "girl talk" and passing them around to look and act cool.
I will not approach her until I talk it over with dh, and calm down. Peer pressure is great at this age, and could result in even more serious issues. I need to schedule her a checkup with her pediatrician, and will call for them to perhaps recommend a female gynecologist for a well checkup.
My cousin was pregnant at age 14, despite very involved parents. she sneaked out the window at night, met her boyfriend, my aunt didn't know anything until the cousin revealed she was 4 months pregnant.
Marylee, it can be possible that she did get them from some sex ed class or health fair.
I will say to be fair before I lost my virginity I had dozens upon dozens of condoms stored in my drawer as shock value for my mom. It was back in the day when TLC was singing Ain't too proud to beg. I even wore them in my hair and around my neck. I lost my virginity a year later not due to peer pressure but just overall teen angst. Heck I look back on it and REGRET IT!
What I am trying to say is that while it may be more than likely DD has it in her draw because she is sexually active, it maybe possible she is not and might be considering it.
And it can also be 'shock value' for her to you.
That is why it is best to be rational, discuss with DH and be proactive.
I have learned from experience with my own family, it is always the ones who are mousy quiet about sex and goes EWWW about condom talk and sex that are the first to get pregnant and stay pregnant....
Assuming she is having sex punishing a child for having sex tends to only alienated them more. You can really only discuss it with her talking about what is important to you and why you feel she is too young for having sex. Beyond that, you basically can either hope it takes or take the precaution of putting her on better birth control than condoms.
Having sex at a young age is a potentially life changing choice, but getting pregnant is guaranteed to change someone's life.
My mom found condoms in my backpack when I was in 9th grade. We were given them in health class. Hope its the same for your DD!
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