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DD is 11, and recently started her period. She knew all about it beforehand, of course, and knows how babies are made, etc.
She had sex ed in school last year and was so mortified that she absolutely refused to discuss what they talked about in class. Whenever I try to bring something up, she covers her ears and says she doesn't want to hear it. I respect that, but how can I make sure she has the proper info if she won't talk (or at least listen) about it? I'm talking things like birth control, pressure to perform oral sex (is it really the new kissing?), self-esteem, etc. I'm not worried about her doing anything now -- she has the cutest little crushes on boys now but thinks anything to do with sex is gross. But it's only a matter of time. Is it too early for some of this, anyway?
I guess the most important thing I can do is reassure her that I am here anytime she has questions or wants to talk.
how about looking for some good books for pre-teens on the topic and leaving them around for her?
anyways, it is a bit early in some senses - I remember thinking sex was gross at 12-13. But never too early to know the basic facts, there are some girls sexually active at that age too, though that's not the norm. Even most teen magazines now have good info on sex and birth control; websites too. Also, a lot of YA novels and shows will deal with topics of sex, teen pregnancy, etc. These have gotten me so scared as a teen that I was terrified going to second base would inevitably end up with me getting knocked up, full of STDs, and the guy would dump me the next day and laugh with his friends, lol.
my dad was very uncomfortable discussing birds and bees, so he got angry and shouted the entire lesson to me. it left a lasting impression about sex with me, very negative.
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 10-03-2011 at 10:29 PM..
Follow her lead. Getting her period early is enough to deal with. Give her some time and reintroduce the subject. From what you are saying she does not sound like she is at risk for getting pregnant right now. Consider yourself lucky that she finds it all to be gross right now
As for why she's mortified, she won't say, but she has never been one to articulate her feelings (act them out, yes). She almost didn't tell me when she got her period, and cried about it. I felt awful. We have never said anything negative about sex or periods or anything. I think she is scared about what her body is doing.
I did see the curriculum for sex ed, and it was fairly in-depth -- including wet dreams (w certainly did not learn about those when I was in 5th grade.) It might be too much, too fast, so I am going to back off, and like i said, just let her know I am here anytime.
Yes!!! It is, and your daughter is giving you clear physical signals that it is overwhelming her. Don't press on. If my daughter (8.5) tells me she is "shy" to tell me the names of the new kids at her desk in class - I don't press her further, even though it sounds like a strange shyness to me.
Truly, those are very daring terms for immature souls they try to introduce. Some kids may take it all in stride, but for others learning all that would mean destroying their short and precious innocent time.
I was too embarrassed to tell my mom I got my first period. My step cousin told her mom, who called my mom! Ugh!
If she's not comfortable talking to you, maybe you can talk to one of her friends mom and see if she'd be willing to be a source for your daughter. You can both let your daughter know that that person is available when she's ready. Or an Aunt or anyone else?
If she's uncomfortable at this point, it probably is best to wait until she's a little more ready. Pushing won't really help her embarrassment. Trying to find humor in the subject when you're able to bring it up would help.
Maybe find some good sex jokes that she'd understand, or even some you could explain. You'll both be laughing and more relaxed.
IMo kids to not want to learn about sex from their mom or dad. It is embarrassing. Once they learn, they might ask questions, but the basics they always seem t prefer not to hear it from you. Our church has a weekend sex ed camp. The kids are mortified about going, but when they come back they say it was very comfortable and informative. I think that they have open discussions with youth leaders and only same sex persons present where they can ask anything that they want. Anyway, all of our kids have said that they feel that is the best way to learn without excessive embarrassment.
I agree with the PP who said to leave some books around for her. She may be too shy to talk about it in person but most kids are very curious about what they are going through even if they won't admit it.
I'd suggest one about basic body functions for girls (I think American Girl has one) and maybe another about respecting relationships (sorry don't have a specific suggestion there). You can read them yourself first to make sure you understand what kinds of questions may come up and that you are comfortable with all the information shared in the book. Then non-chalantly leave them in her room with an "I'm here if you have any questions or want to talk" post it and let her read them on her own time.
You may also want to monitor what she is viewing on the internet if you are not already doing so. I use google for everything and whenever I type in the words "How do I..." i'm always amazed at the adolescent level sexual questions that google has selected as most popular.
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