Toddler sleep problems in new bed (method, ideas, meal, milk)
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Ok, so I am having some unforeseen problems with my little one and her sleep.
I am expecting a baby in 2 months time and therefore have chosen to move my toddler, who is 21 months old, to a kiddies bed as we need the crib. I decided to do a gradual change - take the side of the crib down, leave it like that for around 1 month and then move her to a kiddies bed so that there was a gap of around 1 month before she saw the crib in our room waiting for the baby. So, we took the side down and honestly, there were no problems! She didnt try to get out, and she accepted everything really well without any fuss or drama.
Then out of the blue, 1 week ago, all hell broke loose! There has been no change in our house, no moves, no changes in schedule. Me and my partner are not fighting more, so no extra tension in the house. I have a stepson who we have every other week, and everything still the same routine there. Basically, everything is the same.
The day that it all began, my daughter had fallen asleep in the pram after our swim. She only ever sleeps once during the day (afternoon nap, around 2 hrs). That day i tried to put her down later in the afternoon so that she could be awake a little later that night to be with her daddy (who is working very long days right now). She kicked up hell. Kept climbing out of her crib and coming to the door crying. i kept going in there and putting her back in bed and walking out. She continued the same process. Eventually i gave up thinking "well she slept before, maybe she just isnt tired at all".
Since then, it is getting worse. We have the same routine everyday for afternoon naps (home from nursery, lunch, milk and a story, bed) and evening naps (dinner, bath, milk and story, bed). Been the same routine forever! In the past week, she has gone to sleep without a problem only 3/4 times and that was because she more or less fell asleep in my arms while i was reading her a story and i managed to put her down without her waking up. Otherwise the situation is that i put her down and as soon as i walk out the room and close the door, she gets out the bed and starts to cry and bang on the door. For about 4 days i used a mix of systems. I switched the light off and then stood near her bed. Slowly i moved myself out the room and by the door, eventually closing the door. Whilst i was in her room, she would just sit there are look at me. I would tell her to lie down, that it was bed time, that she needed to sleep. Nope, she would still just look at me. As i closed the door, she would get out of bed and start crying. so i would go back in every 20 seconds having to put her back in. Eventually after more than 1hr she would pass out. However it started to seem that even though i wouldnt say anything to her when i went in, simply going in was giving her the reaction. She would get out her bed but just stand there waiting for me to come in and she would already be climbing out of bed the minute i put her into it.
So i decided on a firmer method. We have used to cry it out technique on her when she was younger, and it worked for her. I decided to put her down, say goodnight, close the door and then let her cry. Go back in after 5 minutes, put her in bed, then 10 mins, then 15 mins. First time took a while and she fell asleep in the chair. second time a little less, she fell asleep behind the door. third time and she fell asleep behind the door.
but then by the fourth time, yesterday, when i told her it was time for her milk for her afternoon nap, she said no to me and ran away. She has ALWAYS run to me for her milk! she didnt want her milk at all because she knew that after it would be sleep time. That worried me as like i say, she has always loved her milk! She eventually drank it, i left, she cried for a while and eventually fell asleep, on the floor i think! i managed to get her to the bed after a short while.
Then last night i decided to get her kiddies bed in there and go for broke tackling it all head on, also thinking that perhaps a new bed would make her see things in a new light. She loved the bed while we were putting it up, playing on it etc. But come bed time she kicked up a major fuss and wailed on the bed refusing to even take her milk knowing that it would be bed time after. I started worrying that she was getting traumitised by the whole thing, so i decided to try the other approach of stay with her until she fell asleep, and each night remove myself from the room. Now this tactic never works with her as i a more of a distraction for her than anything else, but though i would give it a go. I lay there with her for around 45 mins. She held my hand, she poked my face, she played with my eyes, she lay ontop of me, she climbed on top of me, she stood there looking at me. It didnt work and so i started to edge to the door. All the time telling her it was time to sleep, bed time etc. of course, she just sat there watching me the whole time. As i closed the door she started crying. after a few minutes and a much needed toilet break(!) i went in and put her back in her bed and then stood by the door telling her to sleep, i stood at the door for a while, she lay down, and eventually after a little while, she fell asleep i think from total tiredness. ( i had tried the standing by the door tactic, but generally she would just look at me from bed and start crying when i closed the door, even if that was 30 mins later)
now i dont know what to do. i dont know which approach to use or what is best! i know i have given either much time to work, but i am at a loss. I dont know why the sudden change, or why the sudden drama. i cant give her a favourite teddy etc, because she has never been attached to anything, never needed a safety blanket, nothing.
anyone with any ideas as to why this is happening or any tips, please let e know as i am totally confused!
Do you think it would help if you went to the store and had her pick out new sheets for the bed? And a new stuffed animal for the bed? You want her to have positive associations with it. Also, keep in my mind that toddlers act out when their moms are about to have a baby. They sense that something is different. They see that you are more tired or distracted. It's normal.
The older they get, the shorter the naps get. My youngest was done napping during the day by the time she was 18 months old. I would have loved for her to take a nap, she just wouldn't do it.
Have you talked to her about the baby that's coming? Does she realize that she's still going to be a very important part of the family after the baby comes? My oldest was really upset when I was pregnant with the younger one. She acted up for months and then one day she put her baby doll in the garbage and asked if that was what we were going to do with her when the baby came. (She was three and a half at the time.) I asked what she meant, and she said when we got a new TV we got rid of the old one, when we got a new sofa we got rid of the old one, now we're getting a new baby, what is going to happen to me? Once I knew what was bothering her and was able to reassure her, we did a little better. She still did some acting up right after we brought her sister home, but that stopped pretty quick.
I think you are doing everything right. Transitions are hard for kids. Keep doing what you are doing, and the phase will pass. Make sure you talk about her big girl bed like it is a really neat neat thing so she gets excited to sleep in it.
ETA every kid I know has an awkward phase when they outgrow taking a nap. Yours is younger than mine were, but that might be part of the issue. Maybe don't force the nap, but have "quiet time" in the afternoon. If sh needs a nap, she'll go to sleep.
I agree with not forcing the nap, just have "quiet time." If she's tired, she'll go to sleep. If not, let her get up. She probably senses the changes happening, and you'll probably have more unusual behavior to come, but it will pass. Hang in there!
My son outgrew his nap at 3.5. In my limited experience, girls seem to outgrow their naps earlier than boys. There were 15 kids in my son's playgroup (roughly same age), and the girls all stopped napping well before 3 and the boys gradually dropped off between 3 and 4. I have no proof of this of course, but maybe you'd find it interesting
In any event, my son displayed similar behavior when the naps started to go. Plus I found that he wasn't falling asleep at night until 10 pm He'd go into bed and call us into his room a million times for stupid things. So I got rid of the nap and instituted quiet time for awhile. He started going to bed at 6:30 and waking up at the same time in the morning. He was so easy to put to bed at night and it was worth the lost nap time.
My son climbed out of his crib at 18 months (He is currently 20 months). He is super strong and determined. For his safety, I converted his crib to a daybed. He would NOT go to sleep and he basically passed out at 10:30 pm each night (bedtime is 8 pm). He also shares a room with our 4 year old so he was being kept awake as well. After a week of fighting him at nap and bedtime I deceided to buy the crib tent. It has been fantastic! Although he still is not happy about it but sleeps so much better and longer. He would get out of bed as soon as there was light when it was converted.
Sometimes they just are not ready for all the space and accessibility it gives them to move up. Maybe you can buy a very simple crib for the new baby from WalMart.
Well when she does fall asleep for her afternoon nap, she is down for almost 2 hrs, so i feel that she probably does still need that nap.
This afternoon she threw one almighty tantrum at me in the room. I sat on the bed reading to her while she thrashed about and eventually once she relaxed, she came to me and agreed to drink her milk, and fell asleep in my arms. This evening she started saying no about sleeping but she drank her milk , i read to her, when she was finished i told her to lie down, she didnt. i stood away from ehr bed and kept reading a bit to her. she tried to climb out, so i stoped the light and stood by the door for max 10 min, then outside the door for 5 min and then away completely and after another 5 minutes, i closed the door, she was asleep!!
I think this was a total fluke!!!!
regarding her and the new baby, i have explained it to her, and read her books about becoming a big sister explaining the people in the book are her and us and the baby. She points to my tummy and says 'bebe', but then sometimes points to hers and says 'bebe', so i am not too sure that she really gets what is going on. Can she sense change is coming? I think maybe she can, as in other aspects she is demanding a lot more attention from me and wants me to do what she wants and when she wants or she throws a mini tantrum. She is also being dificult at meal times and doing silly things like refusing to sit in her high chair or refusing to brush her teeth - things she has never done before. Of course, she is choosing to do everything at the same time!
Hopefully we have turned a corner tonight, but i dont think so.
Also, if you can phase out the milk at bedtime, you should. It will be one more habit to break and will delay potty training too.
I was going to suggest that too. It's not the best for her teeth, unless you're giving her the milk and then brushing her teeth before she sleeps.
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He'd go into bed and call us into his room a million times for stupid things. So I got rid of the nap and instituted quiet time for awhile. He started going to bed at 6:30 and waking up at the same time in the morning. He was so easy to put to bed at night and it was worth the lost nap time.
