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This is why I feel today's children feel "entitled" to all that their parents do for them instead of a feeling of gratitude for their parents helping them out in a time of need. Parents help their children for a variety of reasons, and yes sometimes one child needs more help than the other based on severity of that need and other factors. I get that the children keep count, but its not their place to speak on the matter.
My in-laws help my husband's sister more than they help him, even though she makes a lot more money than him (he went back to school and cut down his work hours) and her husband also makes a decent amount of money. They logic, they have kids and we don't. I understand babysitting for them or even helping with some things for the kids but not only did she not have to work AT ALL while in school, daddy paid for room and board, they are also paying off her student loans. We can manage without their help and we'll be even better off once my husband is done with school but in all reality, they do not need the help and I think they kind of take advantage of my in-laws. They throw fits if they do not get assistance. Maybe my husband should start throwing hissy fits. LOL
I would be shocked if there weren't resentment in this situation. Shocked.
I just read this message. I believe the step children should be included in your and your husband will and receive equal shares of finances regardless of their ages, period. For you to exclude them, and particularly for your husband to exclude his own children from inheritance is wrong. It will only serves to cause resentment, and scars the bond between siblings. If there is ONE BIG mistake parents can make and have a everlasting consequences for many generations it is PLAY FAVORITES. Do not do it. I have three children and try to be fair.
The ones paying for the parents error is not only the less favored but particularly the one that were most favorite. It does not matter what excuse parents make; this is my biological children, step children, young, old.... play fair. They will all benefit from a loving and supporting family relations. This is my opinion. The decision is up to you of course.
I also believe you should treat your step children the same as your biological children. Step children should receive same inheritance as your biological children. Do not play favorites if you desire your own children to be be happy and enjoy family relations support. Just my opinion. Decision up to you of course.
The inequality goes even further when dealing with familes with step children. The blood adult children get all the perks and the step adult children get nothing. In my experience anyway.
I was about to post something about this. My stepmother entered my life when I was 8 and she had her own kids with my dad when I was 15. I'm now in my 30s, but I live close to them and visit regularly.
When I was young, she would scream at me for trivial things like putting a jacket in the dirty clothes bin or not washing my dishes. We had shouting matches all through my adolescence. It only got better when I left the house. On the other hand, I have never heard her raise her voice towards her kids. She never talks to them harshly at all.
Then she always made comments about me not helping my dad enough and how I didn't deserve the small college fund that he had set up for me. Well, I never hear her complaining now that he set aside college money for her kids. They also never do any chores, and of course she never complains about it.
There were a lot of little things too. I wanted pets when I was a kid, and she said hell no. Of course her kids have two cats and a dog. Then I wanted a Nintendo while growing up, she said hell no, and now her kids have a Nintendo and a PS4. I know those are very piddly things, but still those are differences.
Then there are the cases of stepparents and stepchildren fighting over inheritance. The stepparent doesn't want the stepchild to get anything. I've seen that play out before, and it can get very ugly.
No I completely disagree. I married a man with 3 pre teens who lived primarily with their mother. He was deep in debt when we married but through hard work and mainly my money management skills we are in a very comfortable position now with 4 kids of our own. The ex wife married as well.
I upped the child support once we got married because frankly I could see she was struggling. We made our last child support payment in June and had our first child in August. Large age difference between the kids. We helped somewhat with one of the kids at 26 when she got into some legal problems but there was no way any more money was going to them after we got our family going.
Our wills are written so that our estate goes to our 4 children. Doesn't mean we don't love his "kids"- the oldest is now 51 but our estate comes from our own work and my own inheritances. Of course they do not expect one red cent from us so this will not come as a surprise.
Don't lie. From the venom in your last line, I can see that you hate your husband's kids. I'm sure they hate you back, and for good reason.
I've never noticed a hint of favoritism in my family. My husband's family on the other hand is rife with it. His mom favors his brother in every conceivable way and his dad virtually disowned both boys when he remarried and started a new family. Hubby is the executor of his will but everything goes to his half-siblings.
We don't need financial support nor do either of us think we're owed anything. It's their money to do with as they please. But it's hard not to notice and to feel hurt that he's thought of as less than his siblings by both parents.
IMHO, there is no doubt that parents play favorites. The harder working, more successful one(s) get less, it is like they are being punished for working harder/smarter, investing and taking better care of themselves and their family.
Never has made any sense to me. Fair is fair, yet, many parents just don't get it.
I was doing this, although not consciously. Which is really stupid/blind on my part because my folks did the same in our family and I always got the short end of the stick because I did well in school, put myself through college, got a good job, etc.; most of my siblings not so much. I never asked for, or received, financial help from them after I moved out at 17, which was not the case with my siblings. They did help me other ways (childcare, but they did that for the others, too).
Several years ago my older daughter pointed this inequity out to me, and I had to admit it was true. I also pointed out that she had never told me when she needed help or I would have helped her, too. So, both of us (all three, actually) played a part in the dynamic. Now she is more forthcoming with issues, and I am more aware of when she might need my help, instead of assuming that everything is fine unless she out-and-out asks for help. We cleared the air and I am more aware of trying to be even-handed.
It helps that the child who initially "needed" more help has matured and taken on more responsibility, probably because I had him move out on his own a couple of years ago. It was a good thing for all of us, done lovingly and with clear intent that it was for his own good. I am happy to say that all of us are all good now. Not that it was ever really an issue; he agreed that it was the right thing and that staying under my wing was holding him back from growing up, although he probably would have stayed if left to his own. Who doesn't like free room and board? Now that he's been on his own, I doubt that he would ever move back unless there were some dire circumstance.
I think in part I was afraid of losing my "Mom" identity so I was keeping my youngest somewhat dependent. Just needed someone to point it out to me. Also, my financial condition greatly improved over time so I was quite simply more able to assist financially with the younger than I was with the older child (they are quite a few years apart in age) and it didn't occur to me that this was not really a good excuse. Honestly, if I had had it to give to the older child at the time, I would have.
Nonetheless, sometimes we parents just need a kick in the butt. My oldest is pretty good at that! I'm happy to say that we have good enough communication that we can work through these things instead of letting them fester.
I tell my kids that they forgot to bring the operating manual with them when they were born, so I'm just winging it as best as I can with the information at hand.
I guess my point is that as the child not being favored, you are also an adult and have some responsibility to speak up. Not being favored with financial assistance as much as the other does not necessarily mean you are not loved just as much. Maybe your parents are just not seeing what they are doing, and an adult conversation with them may be in order. Of course, some parents are just nutso so this may not be possible.
I do agree that your family inheritance should go to your biological children and not to your step children, especially if you did not have a hand in raising them. This can be done through the will of the grandparents and through trusts. I also think illegitimate children should be equally provided for though.
All other monies and assets should be evenly split unless there is an unusual circumstance like providing for children or grandchildren with disabilities.
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