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Sorry I haven't replied, been a long day. DH got fired from his job today and he came home before I could finish my post. Trust me, I wish I making this all up. But this has been my life.
Nothing in this has been handles right from the beginning. The day we found out, we took ds to the ER because he had a scab on his penis from where ss bit him. There were no pictures taken, and the dr. said it looked like it had been there for a day or two, even though ss had admitted to doing it only 12 hours prior. He told ds to tell he scratched himself. The police were called to the ER to take a report, then we went to the police station after that. Never was ss questioned. A few days later we had the interview with DCS. DS wouldn't talk about it though. It was then set up to have the state police question ss. That is when they hired their lawyer and refused to let him be questioned. We put ds into counseling within 2 weeks. DCS told us that the prosecutor was going to press charges, state police interviewed me and DH, and we were told that until ds was ready to talk about it in counseling the case would be put on hold. So we waited. Mid March, on a Sat. night, ss slipped and told dh that he had court at 9 am Monday morning. We didn't go because dh couldn't or didn't want to get off work, and I was not going alone. I have been blamed for all this from the beginning because I reported it, and I was "out to get" ss. During court they asked for a differant prosecutor to be assigned because of conflict of interest due to step-dad being a sheriff. It was continued until mid April. Dh went to this hearing and wouldn't you know, the prosecutors office "forgot" to reassign the case.This is when they asked for dismissal. There should have been a phone interview between the prosecutor and ss lawyer sometime last week. I've not heard if it even took place because when I even mention it, DH gets instantly mad. We consulted with a lawyer after the first hearing, but it was a waste of time. He said he could only help us if we wanted to hire him to represent ss. He did tell us not to trust the person from DCS we were dealing with. I had called DCS after the first hearing and they said they had no idea about it. The lawyer said that was BS. In all honesty, I gave up on it. I fought for the first two months to get ss charges so he could get help, and all I got was blame. I decided to focus onlly on MY kids well being. Like I said ds was in counseling, and his counselor even said that was the best thing for me to do at the time. Even if ss is found guilty, he will most likely just be ordered to counseling. So it just wasn't worth my effort, when I have 3 kids at home to focus on.
We have questioned ss about whether this has happened to him. He says no. I don't believe him. I do believe he's been molested. But what can I do to find out? AS for his counseling, if DH really pushed it, I do believe they would involve him. He called the psychologist and the psych. said that he couldn't talk to him. I told DH to walk into that office with court papers/custody agreement in hand and demand records. He has yet to do it. I think that the dr. was hired for the sole purpose of testifying for ss. I say that because at the second visit, they did an evaluation on ss and determined him to be low risk to ever offend again. It just doesn't sound right to me. Plus I did my research on that dr. and he specializes in evaluating people in prison and testifying for them.
Just to clarify, ss has performed and received oral sex from ds5 twice, rubbed his penis on ds7 back once, and touched/kissed his sister multiple times, that we know of. This has been going on since he was 9 and he is now 12. He also admitted to other sexual behavior with cousins who are his age. I reported all of this to DCS.
Now that Dh has lost his job, I don't know what will happen.I'm not sure how much more I can take. I'm honestly lost. I was going to set up a secret consultation with a lawyer, but with him home all the time, that will be impossible. I do have a dr. appt. next week, maybe I can schedule something right after that and just say it took longer. I have to make sure I can get a restraining order before I do anything. I was also going to start us going to family counseling since it was suggested by ds counselor before we let ss around again. But we will now be losing our insurance. It's all just a mess.
Thank you all for all the support. Maybe one day I will have the courage to show this all to DH and maybe he will realize I'm not being difficult. I am doing what is right. Thanks again!
While some sexual exploration with kids is normal, a lot is not. Here is a little help for you to explain to your husband about what is ok, normal and what isn't.
If this was happening to me I would do all I could to protect my children- even if it means going on the run with them. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I think talking to your husband again is a good plan. Maybe after you see the lawyer. Let him know you are serious and prepared to do whatever it takes. Are your 3 children also his? He must be hurting too. He needs to become willing to protect ALL of his children by keeping them separate and that is most likely a difficult pill to swallow for him. The link I gave you in my last post could be a good resource for each of you to talk confidentially and openly about this problem. Best Wishes.
I really can't fathom how you "DH" could possibly look the other way like he is....why is he supporting the molester, and not his own children?....I don't think I could live with someone like that.....I feel real bad for you...more so for your children....especially when their father doesn't think it's a big deal, to the point that he would allow this freak around them again....what's he want?...another repeat?...where do his loyalties lie?
I really can't fathom how you "DH" could possibly look the other way like he is....why is he supporting the molester, and not his own children?....I don't think I could live with someone like that.....I feel real bad for you...more so for your children....especially when their father doesn't think it's a big deal, to the point that he would allow this freak around them again....what's he want?...another repeat?...where do his loyalties lie?
I believe the DH in question is the father of the molester. He is the stepson of the OP.
It is a horrible situation. I feel badly for all involved, and agree that SS must have something in his own history making him act out this way.
Sorry I haven't replied, been a long day. DH got fired from his job today and he came home before I could finish my post. Trust me, I wish I making this all up. But this has been my life.
Nothing in this has been handles right from the beginning. The day we found out, we took ds to the ER because he had a scab on his penis from where ss bit him. There were no pictures taken, and the dr. said it looked like it had been there for a day or two, even though ss had admitted to doing it only 12 hours prior. He told ds to tell he scratched himself. The police were called to the ER to take a report, then we went to the police station after that. Never was ss questioned. A few days later we had the interview with DCS. DS wouldn't talk about it though. It was then set up to have the state police question ss. That is when they hired their lawyer and refused to let him be questioned. We put ds into counseling within 2 weeks. DCS told us that the prosecutor was going to press charges, state police interviewed me and DH, and we were told that until ds was ready to talk about it in counseling the case would be put on hold. So we waited. Mid March, on a Sat. night, ss slipped and told dh that he had court at 9 am Monday morning. We didn't go because dh couldn't or didn't want to get off work, and I was not going alone. I have been blamed for all this from the beginning because I reported it, and I was "out to get" ss. During court they asked for a differant prosecutor to be assigned because of conflict of interest due to step-dad being a sheriff. It was continued until mid April. Dh went to this hearing and wouldn't you know, the prosecutors office "forgot" to reassign the case.This is when they asked for dismissal. There should have been a phone interview between the prosecutor and ss lawyer sometime last week. I've not heard if it even took place because when I even mention it, DH gets instantly mad. We consulted with a lawyer after the first hearing, but it was a waste of time. He said he could only help us if we wanted to hire him to represent ss. He did tell us not to trust the person from DCS we were dealing with. I had called DCS after the first hearing and they said they had no idea about it. The lawyer said that was BS. In all honesty, I gave up on it. I fought for the first two months to get ss charges so he could get help, and all I got was blame. I decided to focus onlly on MY kids well being. Like I said ds was in counseling, and his counselor even said that was the best thing for me to do at the time. Even if ss is found guilty, he will most likely just be ordered to counseling. So it just wasn't worth my effort, when I have 3 kids at home to focus on.
We have questioned ss about whether this has happened to him. He says no. I don't believe him. I do believe he's been molested. But what can I do to find out? AS for his counseling, if DH really pushed it, I do believe they would involve him. He called the psychologist and the psych. said that he couldn't talk to him. I told DH to walk into that office with court papers/custody agreement in hand and demand records. He has yet to do it. I think that the dr. was hired for the sole purpose of testifying for ss. I say that because at the second visit, they did an evaluation on ss and determined him to be low risk to ever offend again. It just doesn't sound right to me. Plus I did my research on that dr. and he specializes in evaluating people in prison and testifying for them.
Just to clarify, ss has performed and received oral sex from ds5 twice, rubbed his penis on ds7 back once, and touched/kissed his sister multiple times, that we know of. This has been going on since he was 9 and he is now 12. He also admitted to other sexual behavior with cousins who are his age. I reported all of this to DCS.
Now that Dh has lost his job, I don't know what will happen.I'm not sure how much more I can take. I'm honestly lost. I was going to set up a secret consultation with a lawyer, but with him home all the time, that will be impossible. I do have a dr. appt. next week, maybe I can schedule something right after that and just say it took longer. I have to make sure I can get a restraining order before I do anything. I was also going to start us going to family counseling since it was suggested by ds counselor before we let ss around again. But we will now be losing our insurance. It's all just a mess.
Thank you all for all the support. Maybe one day I will have the courage to show this all to DH and maybe he will realize I'm not being difficult. I am doing what is right. Thanks again!
^^^ I couldn't possibly fatham what you are going through on a day-to-day basis, let alone what all goes on in your head and heart...Geeezzz
Prayers for you and your situation ((Hugs))
This is a disease like addiction, children are bent and twisted by this kind of behavior. The addict will say and do anything, like this SS and his family. I have known families like this and they justify their behavior with lies and excuses. Don't fall for the BS. Your children need expert help. Not every counselor is expert, get a referral from some one you know is capable. Call the mayo clinic or a major teaching hospital. Question and make the explain,
wow... heavy stuff. I don't know about the legal intricacies of molestation cases, but from a practical point of view, can you send your own kids off to your parents' home until this situation is resolved? My friend's sister is going through a nasty divorce from her control-freak hubby plus dealing with 3 lawsuits & a criminal investigation connected with his shady contracting business and she opted to send her kids to live with their grandparents until things get settled. It's not ideal but it's better than subjecting kids to any encounters that could turn violent or predatory.
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