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Sometimes, as a young child, you have a group of friends that you acquired by default. Perhaps they were neighborhood friends, or they were in your class and you weren't able to be too discerning because of your age . . . and at some point you might want to leave these people behind - you may have outgrown them, have little in common with them, or prefer other people . . .to me, that is part of growing up - determining what YOUR preferences are.
No offense, But, IMO this is a bad message you are trying to send, if I'm understanding you correctly.
What are you attempting to do? You say that you are discouraging your daughter, who you described as engaging and lively from making friends w/ the "in" group?
Sounds to me like you have some reverse prejudice issues. You are prejudice against girls that you think are better than your daughter? What kind of person sends this message to their own child...No one is better than your daughter, and she is no better than the next child. But, don't make her think she is limited and won't be a cheerleader or anything else she wants to be...Encourage her.
I would encourage my child to make friends w/ any other child, regardless of their socioeconomic status...as long as they were decent kids. Encourage her to be friends with everyone. Don't encourage exclusion. Kids shoudn't be excluded, especially by reverse snobbery.
What you may need help w/ is your own insecurities..Your daughter needs support from you, and you need to let her be her. As long as these kids are decent, not into anything inappropriate, don't waylay her w/ your own issues.
oh no that is not it at all, I was a pom pom girl myself. I just am saying that these girls are very nice, but they can be picky about who they let into their little group and my daughter has been "accepted", but her friend, Kate, has not. She did tell me today that she and her friends decided to not worry about it and just have fun and hang out with each other and still be friendly to the "in" group. My daugher was actually invited to one of the girls' party and had fun, I think she is just having growing pains and tween issues too!
OK....Sounds like it will resolve itself. Your initial post made it sound like you were being the "bad" guy. LOL
Glad you've elaborated and cleared up this misconception. Good luck on this.
Sometimes, as a young child, you have a group of friends that you acquired by default. Perhaps they were neighborhood friends, or they were in your class and you weren't able to be too discerning because of your age . . . and at some point you might want to leave these people behind - you may have outgrown them, have little in common with them, or prefer other people . . .to me, that is part of growing up - determining what YOUR preferences are.
This is another good point! The "Friends by Default" phenomenon. Many of my first friends were just other girls who happened to live a few house up the street or down the street. When I grew up kids were everywhere. These people may have had nothing more in common than living in the same subdiviosion.
While my children did find there first friends, they were frequently convenient friends. One who lived nearby. At about ten they did begin to make other friends.
There is here another factor of wanted to be in the "popular" crowd. There are some reasons to want this for a child and if they accept her and are decent kids I see no problem with being friends with them.
Not all girls in the "In Crowd" are mean girls, as portrayed in the eponymous movie. Some are. Bit not all.
The issue I see isn't the OP criticising the cheerleaders (she even says there's nothing wrong with that), it's the abandonment of loyal friends in the hope that she can climb up the social ladder with the "popular" girls.
I know exactly what the OP is talking about. The above statement is so true.
Girls entering the tween years can turn on their friends on a dime and the emotions flare. I have seen this in my younger years (my two sibs were the popular cheerleaders and my brother was a top football player but they were nicer than most), in my own daughter's choices (where she was the one not accepted), and through my nieces and nephews (I have a niece who went on to be a Miami Dolphins cheerleader and now is a pharmaceutical rep - totally fits the mold but is now a mom herself and is very sweet now).
To get to the point of being able to fit in with a multitude of groups is good too but it's hard because along the way, you may lose a good, true friend and that is the sad part.
OP, I certainly do not feel that your daughter should leave behind her current friends to join this new group. You do not want this "in" group to define who she is. I have a daughter that is also 10 and it is an awkward sort of age, they are not teenagers, but they are heading close to that. If this is really important to her I would suggest she maybe try to befriend one or two of these other girls, it does not have to be an all or nothing situation. Isn't it possible she can keep the friends she has but also befriend some of these other girls? I think what is most important is that she does not turn her back to the friends that have been loyal to her since she was young.
I have a 20 year old daughter, so I have been through this roller coaster ride. Just remember, what she tells you one day will be sure to change the next. I never asserted my own feelings onto my daughter's decision. I figured out it was best to just lay out all the options for her and leave the choice to her. Trust me, any advice you give will most likely backfire.
This is practice for dealing with relationships in the future, so it's ok for her to make mistakes. She will see the consequences and learn from them.
Good luck and don't get too wrapped up in the drama, you won't be able to keep up anyway
Lesson 1...If you have to try to be a part of the in crowd, you will never be part of the in crowd. The in crowd is only the in crowd because they posture and other people acknowledge them as such. The real in crowd in your own world is the crowd you are in. Never forget that and acknowledge your crowd as such.
Lesson 2...Friendships are fluid and ever changing. The people who are your friends today may not be your friends tomorrow. However, never outright forsake the friends you do have. You WILL drift apart, but it should be mutual and amicable. Loyalty and trust are too valuable to throw away on a whim.
Lesson 3...True friendship does not come with conditions. A true friend will accept you for who you are no matter what. There will be no requirement that you are in X activity or that you like Y movies/bands and that you wear Z clothes and only hang out with certain people. People who are "XYZ friends" aren't friends, they are acquaintances. Know the difference.
Lesson 4...To thine own self be true. Everything begins and ends with you and the way you see yourself. Be confident and proud of who you are, do not try to become the person you think others want you to be. Real you will make real friends who will help protect you and lift you up. Fake you will make fake friends who will leave you exposed and tear you down.
Lesson 1...If you have to try to be a part of the in crowd, you will never be part of the in crowd. The in crowd is only the in crowd because they posture and other people acknowledge them as such. The real in crowd in your own world is the crowd you are in. Never forget that and acknowledge your crowd as such.
Lesson 2...Friendships are fluid and ever changing. The people who are your friends today may not be your friends tomorrow. However, never outright forsake the friends you do have. You WILL drift apart, but it should be mutual and amicable. Loyalty and trust are too valuable to throw away on a whim.
Lesson 3...True friendship does not come with conditions. A true friend will accept you for who you are no matter what. There will be no requirement that you are in X activity or that you like Y movies/bands and that you wear Z clothes and only hang out with certain people. People who are "XYZ friends" aren't friends, they are acquaintances. Know the difference.
Lesson 4...To thine own self be true. Everything begins and ends with you and the way you see yourself. Be confident and proud of who you are, do not try to become the person you think others want you to be. Real you will make real friends who will help protect you and lift you up. Fake you will make fake friends who will leave you exposed and tear you down.
That's very good advice I will have to impart on my daughter.
Why are you so involved in your daughter's life that you feel it is appropriate to choose her friends?
Unless her potential friends are criminals, the "young PERSON" (not a possession of yours) should be left to gravitate towards her preferences and interests, not yours.
Your child's friends have an impact on your children almost as much as you do. I've seen very good kids end up badly because of who they associated with. You would be dumb as a parent not to get involved and find out who your kids are hanging out with. You're only as good as the people you surround yourself with. You can be a great kid, but if you surround yourself with troubled people, it will bring you down at some point. The opposite is also true. I've seen average kids become successful because they surrounded themselves with positive people and their friends' habits rubbed off on them.
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This rang true and can be a painful lesson
