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No one spoke about magic. What they spoke about was the very well-researched bond between newborns & their biological mothers & the impact on newborns when they are separated. You don't have to believe that bond exists or any negative impact happens, but it does.
Obviously not all adoptees feel the same about their biological families, but certainly many have been upset about being separated from them. It's actually quite typical. That doesn't mean you wish you weren't adopted, or that it is abnormal/wrong to feel no connection to your bio family. That can be typical, as well.
And there's also research on some kids who grow up in bio families who end up with major problems ... just like some adopted kids end up with major problems. My point is that the bio connection doesn't always prevent problems, just as adoption doesn't always cause them. What I find very very problematic is the belief that somehow there is always something inherently special about the bio connection. (Years ago when I was thinking of adopting an older child, I discovered how many were up for adoption because their BIO FAMILIES had abused/neglected them.)
But this thread is about surrogacy, which is problematic in many ways, as I think you and I would agree on.
And there's also research on some kids who grow up in bio families who end up with major problems ... just like some adopted kids end up with major problems. My point is that the bio connection doesn't always prevent problems, just as adoption doesn't always cause them. What I find very very problematic is the belief that somehow there is always something inherently special about the bio connection. (Years ago when I was thinking of adopting an older child, I discovered how many were up for adoption because their BIO FAMILIES had abused/neglected them.)
But this thread is about surrogacy, which is problematic in many ways, as I think you and I would agree on.
Yes. & for the record I agree with you about bio-families. I know that connection does not always prevent problems, nor do children raised by bio family always feel a connection to them. However, studies have shown increased anxiety in infants who are separated from their bio mothers long-term for various reasons, including adoption. This would be the negative impact... increased levels of cortisol, for example, & sometimes even PTSD symptoms (hyper-vigilance, dissociation, not-eating, insomnia, being inconsolable, etc).
This is important to consider that infants who are separated from their surrogates could experience the same stresses, which is obviously not good to intentionally put a baby through if it is avoidable. While adoption is not always avoidable, surrogacy certainly is.
Last edited by thethreefoldme; 02-13-2013 at 06:47 AM..
I'm starting this thread today about surrogate mothers because I'm simply interested in the stories of those who have done it or those who know someone who have done it and how it affected them. I have no desire to actually be one, this is just a topic of conversation for those who have experience with the subject.
I understand the concerns with traditional surrogacy. I am a birth parent, but could never intentionally set out to get pregnant with a child from my own eggs, knowing I was going to hand s/he over. Just could not do it.
It does seem, however, that the gestational route mitigates half of the problems - particularly if your biological mother simply could not carry, but had viable eggs. The child will be raised with their genetic family; only the time spent in the womb ties them to the surrogate, rather than sharing half of their genes, an ancestry, etc.
I'm starting this thread today about surrogate mothers because I'm simply interested in the stories of those who have done it or those who know someone who have done it and how it affected them. I have no desire to actually be one, this is just a topic of conversation for those who have experience with the subject.
I once had a lady come to my Early Childhood education class in high school. She was the mother of a former classmate of mine and had three kids with her husband and had been a surrogate mother twice to different couples. It seems that it really fostered her personal growth and for her it was a truly amazing thing to be able to help a couple create a family.
Thoughts?
Well, I'm big on alternative ways to build a family. If all parties involved are adults, able minded, and agree to all legal terms, then I support what anyone has to do build a family. It is their business and the state's legal system to do as they wish.
I remember years ago telling my sister that I would be a surrogate for her. She had suffered many miscarriages and was told she would likely not be able to carry a child full-term. I had planned to do this for her, and she was so happy that I offered. She ended up deciding to not have children after all, for other reasons. I will say that had I been a surrogate however, I would have possibly been able to save my own childbearing years later on due to the condition of my infertility. But everything happens for a reason. And sometimes when one door closes, another one opens.
In my early twenties I read about egg and embryo freezing. Again, I thought this was a great scientific advancement for women and men who wanted or had to delay parenthood. I thought about freezing some of my eggs, but was later talked out of it by family members. They were quite provincial at the time! Now I regret not going through with my plans, even though I still have viable eggs, I could have preserved more.
So, surrogacy for me is a really heart warming, life-giving, act of kindness. And why shouldn't the birth mother be compensated? Pregnancy is no joke! Giving your body for others to have a family (whether your own eggs or another's) is one of the highest acts of kindness and goodness a woman can agree to do. Truly remarkable and IMO God centered and selfless. Some women can never do this, and there is nothing wrong with women who don't want to. Even when money is transferred between the parties involved.
It's easy to forget that no one plays a part in his/her conception. No one. We are created through a biological function of the male and female body and born into families, we don't choose them. This is even true in infant adoptions.
Surrogacy, IVF, Egg Donors, Sperm Donors, all of these options in the end need a woman's fertilized egg and a uterus to carry a child to birth. For me, it's about how humans are born, how we procreate. Having a family involves humans and this is how we humans are born on Earth. Whether they are our biological families or not. Nothing more.
I think surrogacy seems to work best when it is a sister or close friend offering to be the surrogate. I think it would also work best if that person has a previously good obstetric history.
In regards to professional surrogacy, the intended parents would need to make it clear about what would happen if things out of the ordinary happen. One case I read about recently was when the surrogate had an ultrasound and the child had something wrong with it (I don't think it was something life threatening) - I can't remember exactly what was wrong but the intended parents wanted the surrogate to abort the child and she refused to do so, thus they refused to pay her. I think she was still pregnant at the time of the article so I am unsure as to what the outcome was. I don't know if the intended parents were the genetic parents or not. It was all a bit of a mess.
Also, the reasons for surrogacy might make a difference to the resultant child. For example, if one's intended female parent was unable to carry a child to term and thus a surrogate was used, then I think the child would find that easier to understand than if their intended female parent was an actress or model who didn't want to ruin their body and thus used a surrogacy so they didn't have to go through pregnancy.
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If all parties involved are adults, able minded, and agree to all legal terms, then I support what anyone has to do build a family
Only 2 of the 3 "parties" involved are adults - the third party, the child, should also be taken into consideration.
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It's easy to forget that no one plays a part in his/her conception. No one. We are created through a biological function of the male and female body and born into families, we don't choose them. This is even true in infant adoptions
That may be true but all people, whether adopted, gestated via surrogacy or not, are allowed to have feelings about how or why they came into the world. For example in the case of a biological child, (and sounding like a daytime soap lol), a woman might marry an extremely rich man and sign a prenup that meant she would get far more money if she has a child than if she didn't, and the resultant child might grow up knowing that he came into the world to make sure that his mother had him to ensure her own financial security. In the case of a surrogate born child, he may have issues about the reasons why his eventual parents chose surrogacy (it might be even worse if combined with the aforementioned scenario - i.e. rich woman has child via surrogate so as not to ruin her body and to provide a heir to secure her own financial future). An adoptee might have issues about any irregularities that went on before they were adopted (eg re any pressurising tactics that might be used - something I am sure we are all against).
Btw even though I realise you are talking only about surrogacy below (and not adoption):
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Giving your body for others to have a family (whether your own eggs or another's) is one of the highest acts of kindness and goodness a woman can agree to do. Truly remarkable and IMO God centered and selfless. Some women can never do this, and there is nothing wrong with women who don't want to.
I did just want to point out that I do think relinquishment for adoption is a different kettle of fish - it should be about providing a family for a child who needs one - not about providing a child for a family who wants one (this may be a bonus to the first situation but should never be the actual reason why the relinquishment takes place).
Last edited by susankate; 02-14-2013 at 01:23 AM..
Several countries have banned surrogacy for ethical reasons & what is in the best interests of children. IMO it is irresponsible to help "build families" via donors or surrogates without first considering how it might impact those who are being created.
Sure, as soon as someone invents a Time Machine, I'll ask my daughter if she wants me to go back and "uncreate" her, LOL.
I don't think anyone choses donor eggs/sperm or using a surrogate as their first choice, so I doubt many do not consider how it might impact those who are being created... And most ethical clinics require counciling for those considering surrogacy or donor programs. I know ours did.
I don't know anyone who was born to a surrogate and there isn't much info about the perspective of the kids out there but I did find a blog by a young man who was born to a traditional surrogate and does feel that being taken away from his bio mom at birth was a loss to him and also feels like a commodity that was bought and sold. I don't know if his view is common or if he's in a minority. If this kind of emotional damage is something that affects many of these kids I do think it's extremely selfish and inconsiderate to go through with surrogacy knowing that these are likely to be the effects. But, like I said, I don't know if it's common or if this young man is just an isolated case. If so it's a completely different matter. Anecdotes are not evidence and the feelings of this young man may just be that - his feelings. I would be interested in knowing more about the impact on children of surrogacy including whether or not there is a difference between traditional and gestational surrogacy.
The Center For Bio Ethics & Culture Network has this to say:
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"A few of the many issues raised by surrogacy include: the rights of the children produced; the ethical and practical ramifications of the further commodification of women’s bodies; without regulation, fraud committed by surrogacy companies cannot be prevented or prosecuted; the exploitation of poor and low income women desperate for money; the moral and ethical consequences of transforming a normal biological function of a woman’s body into a commercial transaction."
Sure, as soon as someone invents a Time Machine, I'll ask my daughter if she wants me to go back and "uncreate" her, LOL.
I don't think anyone choses donor eggs/sperm or using a surrogate as their first choice, so I doubt many do not consider how it might impact those who are being created... And most ethical clinics require counciling for those considering surrogacy or donor programs. I know ours did.
^^
This.
I too don't think many clinics would go through with a surrogacy if they suspected any fowl play.
As far as a "commodity" well, there are sperm donors and egg donors, in essence, reproduction assistance has always been a commodity because being infertile isn't anyone's fault. It isn't even a new phenomenon. For many it is just a genetic fact of life or a consequence of medical treatments for past diseases (i.e., cancer). If medical technology or another's desire to give use of their body to help others exists, and it's legal, then people will always seek to use these methods to help build their families. So, since this terminology has been tossed in here, where there is a "market" you will have a demand for a "commodity" to meet the needs of such market.
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