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I agree with this. My Mom's advice to me at my baby shower was one thing - do not bring the baby into bed with me. Fast forward the first two weeks home from the hospital and I'm on the grueling schedule that only a straight breastfeeding (not pumping) mother knows about. The delirium, the 12 feedings a day for 30 minutes, nobody can help you feed the baby this one time bc only you have the "equipment" torture. After two weeks, I learned that bfeeding could be done while sleeping if mommy and baby co-sleep and mommy is aware enough of her baby. Boom! Sleep. I never looked back. We co-sleep and I have been getting sleep EVERY NIGHT since DS was two weeks home from the hospital. He still sleeps with us and he is the ripe old age of two. Big deal. He is extremely outgoing, active, non-clingy, independent and happy...and he sleeps with his mom and dad. He's never known anything else. We've never had to wake in the middle of the night bc he sleeps like a baby (pun intended) when he is with us.
As a result, I am a much better mother than I would be if I had been walking across my house several times a night to rock DS back to sleep. I was well-rested in the mornings and happy. He was well-rested in the mornings and happy. Win-win.
In fact, I'll add that during those two weeks, I tried the co-sleeper next to the bed. I could not sleep. I literally did not sleep and feel totally comfortable until I brought my DS into the bed with me. Otherwise, in addition to the grueling schedule, I was jumping up every half hour or so out of my sleep to look at him and make sure he was ok.
So, I say, just let her sleep with you and go to sleep! What's the big deal. If people don't like it, well, they don't have to know what goes on in your house. Not even your parents. My Mom kept asking me when DS was going to sleep in his bed. I told her when he wants to. It's there and he has his whole life to sleep in it. Big deal. Sleeping doesn't have to be an issue unless you make it into an issue. I'd much rather get wound up about other things. Goodness knows there are more than enough things for us to worry about and stress over when we have babies/toddlers. Sleep doesn't have to be one of them.
Good luck.
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
True -- they're babies for such a very short time, I never understand the rush to get them on their own.
Somewhere after age two, they outgrow the "family bed" and prefer having their own space but why not just savor the time you have with them? So the baby wants to cuddle with parents for a bit more time, soon they won't.
Sleep doesn't have to be made into a big issue, it doesn't have to involve discipline.
Another idea - Are there shadows or other things that could be frightening her? At two, the imagination gets going real well and she may be frightened or afraid sometimes. Kids that don't have a human to soothe them in the bed (that's why she needs you to hold her hand) often do well with a stuffed doll or some other lovie. Maybe that would work well?
I've heard that making the big girl bed all the rage and letting her pick out sheets, etc. might work nicely but if she is really afraid of something, that won't help. Is she verbal? Can you talk with her and try to determine if you can figure out what is bothering her or what she needs when she wakes up?
Just a thought on letting her scream for extended periods - I've read (I don't know if it's true) that that sort of thing realizes cortisol (the stress management hormone) and that you don't want too much of that being released constantly into her body on a regular basis.
Think she'll sleep in her room if she is the big sister "in charge" of watching over her little sib?
That might be persuasive.
Good luck.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Me 82
Thanks for all the tips. Above poster: When she falls asleep in our bed, I am there the whole time until she falls asleep, then I just move into the living room and go back in when I am ready to go to sleep. She'll sleep with us moving around, talking, the TV on, but won't do that in her room.
Her room is one of the colder rooms in the house, but I layer her and when we find he crying, she's still covered with her sheet. Something must be waking her up, but then again, who really sleeps through the night? I don't, but we all eventually learned to self soothe and put ourselves back to sleep.
Last night, I put her in her crib to go to sleep and brought a kitchen chair in and sat on that next to her. Like I said, I refuse to lay on the floor anymore. She feel asleep pretty quickly, but by 1 a.m., she was up screaming our names and back in our bed. We could, go, sit in the chair and have her fall back asleep, but we're both just too tired. Today I napped with her bc I'm just drained.
We plan on converting her bed into the toddler bed in a few weeks, so right after she turns 2 and we are going to have to just keep putting her back in her bed when she gets up. The Ferber method is what worked for us the first time, but when we tried it 6 months later when she was older, the screaming for almost 2 hours was enough.
Another idea - Are there shadows or other things that could be frightening her? At two, the imagination gets going real well and she may be frightened or afraid sometimes. Kids that don't have a human to soothe them in the bed (that's why she needs you to hold her hand) often do well with a stuffed doll or some other lovie. Maybe that would work well?
I've heard that making the big girl bed all the rage and letting her pick out sheets, etc. might work nicely but if she is really afraid of something, that won't help. Is she verbal? Can you talk with her and try to determine if you can figure out what is bothering her or what she needs when she wakes up?
Just a thought on letting her scream for extended periods - I've read (I don't know if it's true) that that sort of thing realizes cortisol (the stress management hormone) and that you don't want too much of that being released constantly into her body on a regular basis.
Think she'll sleep in her room if she is the big sister "in charge" of watching over her little sib?
That might be persuasive. ee
Good luck.
Well, we haven't changed her crib into the bed yet. Next week we are. Last night was horrible I'm not letting her sleep late in the day either, but it took 2 1/2 hours of me laying there holding her hand to get her to fall asleep. You have to hold her hand a certain way, the sheets have to be up to her neck, now she wants to bring her ball into the bed. It got to the point where I had enough last night. I bring her out a couple of times a week, so she's getting out and being active. DH thinks this is all my job to get her to sleep and literally have no life bc I'm laying in the bed with her at night until god knows when. He now sleeps on the couch bc LO kicks him. She has a lovey which she goes to bed with her, it just seems like she becomes extremely attached at night. I would get up when I thought she was asleep and boom she's up and crying in the living room sitting next to me. DH, who thinks he knows ALL, swears she is like this bc I let her nap during the day? Really?
Well, we haven't changed her crib into the bed yet. Next week we are. Last night was horrible I'm not letting her sleep late in the day either, but it took 2 1/2 hours of me laying there holding her hand to get her to fall asleep. You have to hold her hand a certain way, the sheets have to be up to her neck, now she wants to bring her ball into the bed.
I want someone to holler "How High??" when I yell "Jump!"
I agree with this. My Mom's advice to me at my baby shower was one thing - do not bring the baby into bed with me. Fast forward the first two weeks home from the hospital and I'm on the grueling schedule that only a straight breastfeeding (not pumping) mother knows about. The delirium, the 12 feedings a day for 30 minutes, nobody can help you feed the baby this one time bc only you have the "equipment" torture. After two weeks, I learned that bfeeding could be done while sleeping if mommy and baby co-sleep and mommy is aware enough of her baby. Boom! Sleep. I never looked back. We co-sleep and I have been getting sleep EVERY NIGHT since DS was two weeks home from the hospital. He still sleeps with us and he is the ripe old age of two. Big deal. He is extremely outgoing, active, non-clingy, independent and happy...and he sleeps with his mom and dad. He's never known anything else. We've never had to wake in the middle of the night bc he sleeps like a baby (pun intended) when he is with us.
As a result, I am a much better mother than I would be if I had been walking across my house several times a night to rock DS back to sleep. I was well-rested in the mornings and happy. He was well-rested in the mornings and happy. Win-win.
In fact, I'll add that during those two weeks, I tried the co-sleeper next to the bed. I could not sleep. I literally did not sleep and feel totally comfortable until I brought my DS into the bed with me. Otherwise, in addition to the grueling schedule, I was jumping up every half hour or so out of my sleep to look at him and make sure he was ok.
So, I say, just let her sleep with you and go to sleep! What's the big deal. If people don't like it, well, they don't have to know what goes on in your house. Not even your parents. My Mom kept asking me when DS was going to sleep in his bed. I told her when he wants to. It's there and he has his whole life to sleep in it. Big deal. Sleeping doesn't have to be an issue unless you make it into an issue. I'd much rather get wound up about other things. Goodness knows there are more than enough things for us to worry about and stress over when we have babies/toddlers. Sleep doesn't have to be one of them.
Want to hear something worse than the two year old in the marriage bed and the dad sleeping on the couch?
We have relatives where the wife insisted that the baby sleep in her crib in her own room but the dad would always feel guilty if the baby started to cry so he would go get her. Of course the baby got used to sleeping with daddy. Well, "the baby" ended up sleeping in daddy's bed until she was eight or nine years old.* The worse thing was that the couple slept in twin beds so the "baby" truely took the wife's spot next to the husband in bed (ie. physically there was no way that all three of them could be in a twin bed at the same time).
As far as anyone knows nothing "inappropriate" ever happened but the whole scenario still creeps me out.
* I am not exaggerating about her age as I was a frequent weekend guest in the house and saw it with my own eyes.
Even though it creeps you out, in many cultures (developed countries, not just strange little spear men places) it is perfectly normal for children to share a bed with their parents until a fairly mature age. In some cases, right up until they get married and move out. There is nothing inherently creepy about it - that's just your own ideas projected.
Well, we haven't changed her crib into the bed yet. Next week we are. Last night was horrible I'm not letting her sleep late in the day either, but it took 2 1/2 hours of me laying there holding her hand to get her to fall asleep. You have to hold her hand a certain way, the sheets have to be up to her neck, now she wants to bring her ball into the bed. It got to the point where I had enough last night. I bring her out a couple of times a week, so she's getting out and being active. DH thinks this is all my job to get her to sleep and literally have no life bc I'm laying in the bed with her at night until god knows when. He now sleeps on the couch bc LO kicks him. She has a lovey which she goes to bed with her, it just seems like she becomes extremely attached at night. I would get up when I thought she was asleep and boom she's up and crying in the living room sitting next to me. DH, who thinks he knows ALL, swears she is like this bc I let her nap during the day? Really?
I don't think that your husband is right about most of it, however, is it possiblethat she has outgrown taking naps? It is somewhat unusual but both of my children stopped needing naps at 18 to 24 months. If they took a nap (even dozed off during a car ride for a half hour) it really goofed up their night time sleep patterns. They would get "over tired" and it would take them hours and hours to fall asleep---often staying awake until 11 PM or midnight, grouchy, grumpy and crying the entire late evening. Even as young babies they always needed far less sleep than most children the same age. Without naps they would easily fall asleep at 8:30 or 9:00 PM.
Their pediatrician needed to provide medical documentation to the day care center basically asking them to move them to a different classroom during nap time (as it was center policy that all under three year olds take at least one 2 1/2 hour nap each day).
Try cutting down (or cutting out) her nap time. Maybe it will help.
Last edited by germaine2626; 05-23-2013 at 09:45 PM..
It's good that you are seeking help, but no amount of forum Q&A is sufficient. Things will only get worse if you don't make a fundamental shift in the way you think about discipline.
I really can't stress enough how much of a lifeline headphones with audiobooks or podcasts would be for you while you're in the dark with her. And tell your partner he's going to have to step up and start doing the putting to sleep, because in the next few months, you and your boobs are going to be dealing with a witching hour baby, not putting big sister to sleep. That's going to be his job.
People get way too hung up on this. Let her sleep with you. You are her source of comfort. Eventually she will want to go back into her own bed..It's that simple.
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I'm not letting her sleep late in the day either, but it took 2 1/2 hours of me laying there holding her hand to get her to fall asleep. You have to hold her hand a certain way, the sheets have to be up to her neck, now she wants to bring her ball into the bed. It got to the point where I had enough last night. I bring her out a couple of times a week, so she's getting out and being active. DH thinks this is all my job to get her to sleep and literally have no life bc I'm laying in the bed with her at night until god knows when. He now sleeps on the couch bc LO kicks him. She has a lovey which she goes to bed with her, it just seems like she becomes extremely attached at night. I would get up when I thought she was asleep and boom she's up and crying in the living room sitting next to me. DH, who thinks he knows ALL, swears she is like this bc I let her nap during the day? Really?
