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I try to be, I really do. We're more of a fist pound " I got your back man" kind of duo. That's kind of our translation of hugging and saying I love you. I really don't think I'm THAT hard on him. I ask him to do the basics, but being firm looks cold and mean when you have a mother who doesn't want you to lift a finger.
So I took your guys’ advice( went against others) and impulsively took him out to dinner. I remember my dad used to have deep talks with me in the Jacuzzi His mother didn’t look very happy but she perked right up when he got to the kitchen. The evil eye towards me turned into “ Have a great time... I love you” *hug*. I took him to our country club. I asked him two questions ,“ What are your career aspirations?” and “ If you were going to college, what would you major in?” he answered with “ radio talent” and “ Journalism”. Apparently, he’s a big Howard Stern fan and turns him on when he drives. I’m a big HS fan myself. I could see that career( I don’t see him getting to Stern status but still its good to have goals) he has the tools. I know radio involves writing and he’s a very good writer when he wants to be and he’s very social( he got that from his mother) and enjoys voicing opinions and talking with other people. I know people say radio is dying, but I think they are comparing that to dying down from what it used to be. There’s still podcasts and radio on the internet and things like that.
He asked me a few questions as well. One made me pretty upset. “Are you and Mom getting divorced? You fight a lot.” I told him there was 0 chance of that happening and we’re working on it. And he asked me “ Do I still have to meet the May deadline?” I told him that it was off and that I’m sorry I kept flip flopping.
When we got, she was excited to see him, didn’t really say much to me. She was all about getting him to sit down on the couch and talk about it. He wouldn’t tell her ( out of respect I think). It was kind of funny because he kept changing the topic. She kept asked him what we talked about, he responded with things like, “ Did you know Dad made honor roll in high school?” Her response was priceless “ Yes, I’m aware.” “He made the deans list”. “ Kanye’s dropping an album soon.” . I don’t want to get too excited but I think that I got through to him and don’t have to worry about him as much as his mom. Am I getting ahead of myself?
So I took your guys’ advice( went against others) and impulsively took him out to dinner. I remember my dad used to have deep talks with me in the Jacuzzi His mother didn’t look very happy but she perked right up when he got to the kitchen. The evil eye towards me turned into “ Have a great time... I love you” *hug*. I took him to our country club. I asked him two questions ,“ What are your career aspirations?” and “ If you were going to college, what would you major in?” he answered with “ radio talent” and “ Journalism”. Apparently, he’s a big Howard Stern fan and turns him on when he drives. I’m a big HS fan myself. I could see that career( I don’t see him getting to Stern status but still its good to have goals) he has the tools. I know radio involves writing and he’s a very good writer when he wants to be and he’s very social( he got that from his mother) and enjoys voicing opinions and talking with other people. I know people say radio is dying, but I think they are comparing that to dying down from what it used to be. There’s still podcasts and radio on the internet and things like that.
He asked me a few questions as well. One made me pretty upset. “Are you and Mom getting divorced? You fight a lot.” I told him there was 0 chance of that happening and we’re working on it. And he asked me “ Do I still have to meet the May deadline?” I told him that it was off and that I’m sorry I kept flip flopping.
When we got, she was excited to see him, didn’t really say much to me. She was all about getting him to sit down on the couch and talk about it. He wouldn’t tell her ( out of respect I think). It was kind of funny because he kept changing the topic. She kept asked him what we talked about, he responded with things like, “ Did you know Dad made honor roll in high school?” Her response was priceless “ Yes, I’m aware.” “He made the deans list”. “ Kanye’s dropping an album soon.” . I don’t want to get too excited but I think that I got through to him and don’t have to worry about him as much as his mom. Am I getting ahead of myself?
Wow. Its amazing how much your wife doesn't respect/trust you; You and your wife have some serious issues. Wake up.
With that said, its good that you now know what your son wants. Getting ahead of yourself would be thinking that your son is now doing a 180 after one dinner; just focus one step at a time. I would say you should continue these kind of "dates" with your son and keep encouraging him that way-- Do it without your wife and given her reaction, keep her out of it. It does sounds like you need to continue to work on your relationship with your son without your wife breathing down your neck and looking to undo whatever you try to instill in your son.
I've got a teen. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about how one prepares their teen to eventually function as an adult. My spouse and I have different views on raising kids and preparing them to be adults.
So I took your guys’ advice( went against others) and impulsively took him out to dinner. I remember my dad used to have deep talks with me in the Jacuzzi His mother didn’t look very happy but she perked right up when he got to the kitchen. The evil eye towards me turned into “ Have a great time... I love you” *hug*. I took him to our country club. I asked him two questions ,“ What are your career aspirations?” and “ If you were going to college, what would you major in?” he answered with “ radio talent” and “ Journalism”. Apparently, he’s a big Howard Stern fan and turns him on when he drives. I’m a big HS fan myself. I could see that career( I don’t see him getting to Stern status but still its good to have goals) he has the tools. I know radio involves writing and he’s a very good writer when he wants to be and he’s very social( he got that from his mother) and enjoys voicing opinions and talking with other people. I know people say radio is dying, but I think they are comparing that to dying down from what it used to be. There’s still podcasts and radio on the internet and things like that.
He asked me a few questions as well. One made me pretty upset. “Are you and Mom getting divorced? You fight a lot.” I told him there was 0 chance of that happening and we’re working on it. And he asked me “ Do I still have to meet the May deadline?” I told him that it was off and that I’m sorry I kept flip flopping.
When we got, she was excited to see him, didn’t really say much to me. She was all about getting him to sit down on the couch and talk about it. He wouldn’t tell her ( out of respect I think). It was kind of funny because he kept changing the topic. She kept asked him what we talked about, he responded with things like, “ Did you know Dad made honor roll in high school?” Her response was priceless “ Yes, I’m aware.” “He made the deans list”. “ Kanye’s dropping an album soon.” . I don’t want to get too excited but I think that I got through to him and don’t have to worry about him as much as his mom. Am I getting ahead of myself?
WOW! You definitely connected with him!!!! That is great.
With that being said...another wow...but it's to point out that your wife is a complete B*TCH. Your son even saw it (by changing the subject and making the comments he made).
Keep the lines of communication open with your son. That is important. Good luck!
I've got a teen. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about how one prepares their teen to eventually function as an adult. My spouse and I have different views on raising kids and preparing them to be adults.
My husband and I thought we had similar views (turns out we really don't) Compromise is the name of the game here, you really will do better if you have a united front. My DD is about to turn 18 (and she has a younger sibling who is 14), and it' isn't always easy.
Maybe. With teens, it's sometimes two steps forward, three steps back.
Don't overplay your hand. Keep close to your son, but don't bombard him with career advice or ideas about radio jobs etc. You don't want to scare him off from confiding in you. A little goes a long way because they do want to feel like they are figuring out plans for themselves.
If you just keep showing understanding and love to him, he will not shut you out. You can do this without being a doormat, though. Consistency is the key there.
Your wife really sounds like she could care less about you. I think she's along for the ride right now in terms of your marriage. I hope you have a therapy appointment scheduled.
i feel like I should do with my wife what I did with my son
If you mean have an honest conversation, then yes. I mean, there was a goal, and two questions, with your son.
What would be your goal with your wife?
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