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I'm not sure they need to move in together - in fact, actually I wouldn't recommend it. It's enough to get used to the idea they are going to be parents together, without complicating it by also trying to live together. The father can and should still start monetary support, but there's no need to rush them into a long term romantic relationship.
That being said, it's their choice, not the parents' choice, so if that's what they truly want to do, so be it. I just wouldn't recommend PUSHING for that option over the option of the young woman living on her own. She sounds perfectly capable of making her own way, with some transitional help from her parents, and of course the help that any biological father ought to give her considering she's the one who's pregnant.
I just don't know that it should be assumed by anyone that just because she's pregnant, he's got to be her romantic partner or husband. In an ideal world, yes, but this isn't an ideal world or an ideal situation. He may not be long term material - I don't know. He may be the greatest thing since sliced bread too - and in that case, maybe they should get married in the near future. But NOT because she's pregnant. And if he's not marriage material, is he live together material? What's the difference? I understand not rushing to get married - I totally agree with that. But is there a rush for them to live together, suddenly, because she's pregnant? Doesn't seem like a reason to move in together and further pressurize the situation.
Now - if they were already planning this or they really want to do it for reasons other than the pregnancy, then that's a different story altogether.
I'm about her age and I would say abortion is the best solution. No matter what people say, no teen/young adult is ready to have children. That child is doomed at birth.
I'm certainly not saying it will be easy. The choice was theirs to make.
I'm about her age and I would say abortion is the best solution. No matter what people say, no teen/young adult is ready to have children. That child is doomed at birth.
You can't possibly speak for the future of this child. My oldest grandchild was born when my daughter was 19 and she's a beautiful young girl inside and out and her stepfather recently adopted her. She and my daughter enjoy a very comfortable lifestyle with no financial worries and her father is an Army officer with a good career in front of him. She will be JUST FINE and we can't imagine life without this precious girl in our lives!
I'm not sure they need to move in together - in fact, actually I wouldn't recommend it. It's enough to get used to the idea they are going to be parents together, without complicating it by also trying to live together. The father can and should still start monetary support, but there's no need to rush them into a long term romantic relationship.
That being said, it's their choice, not the parents' choice, so if that's what they truly want to do, so be it. I just wouldn't recommend PUSHING for that option over the option of the young woman living on her own. She sounds perfectly capable of making her own way, with some transitional help from her parents, and of course the help that any biological father ought to give her considering she's the one who's pregnant.
I agree with you but OP has already stated that she has other kids and no space, plus the boyfriend's family has no space, so in this case they're kinda forced.
Although someone can always sleep on the couch but that's not always a viable solution.
You can't possibly speak for the future of this child. My oldest grandchild was born when my daughter was 19 and she's a beautiful young girl inside and out and her stepfather recently adopted her. She and my daughter enjoy a very comfortable lifestyle with no financial worries and her father is an Army officer with a good career in front of him. She will be JUST FINE and we can't imagine life without this precious girl in our lives!
I would say your grandchild is an exception. 99% of children born to a 19 year old mother have a life of hardship ahead of them.
I'm not sure they need to move in together - in fact, actually I wouldn't recommend it. It's enough to get used to the idea they are going to be parents together, without complicating it by also trying to live together. The father can and should still start monetary support, but there's no need to rush them into a long term romantic relationship.
That being said, it's their choice, not the parents' choice, so if that's what they truly want to do, so be it. I just wouldn't recommend PUSHING for that option over the option of the young woman living on her own. She sounds perfectly capable of making her own way, with some transitional help from her parents, and of course the help that any biological father ought to give her considering she's the one who's pregnant.
I just don't know that it should be assumed by anyone that just because she's pregnant, he's got to be her romantic partner or husband. In an ideal world, yes, but this isn't an ideal world or an ideal situation. He may not be long term material - I don't know. He may be the greatest thing since sliced bread too - and in that case, maybe they should get married in the near future. But NOT because she's pregnant. And if he's not marriage material, is he live together material? What's the difference? I understand not rushing to get married - I totally agree with that. But is there a rush for them to live together, suddenly, because she's pregnant? Doesn't seem like a reason to move in together and further pressurize the situation.
Now - if they were already planning this or they really want to do it for reasons other than the pregnancy, then that's a different story altogether.
He's a good kid. Polite, respectful and raised well. If she wasn't pregnant and she told me they were getting married I would have been fine with it. I probably would have been happy for them but right now I'm still a little ticked at them, so we can leave it at I would have been fine.
They did plan on living together. This is just bringing the time frame closer to the present than originally planned.
If this were 3-5 years from now, I would be happy for them. They're just so young.
I agree with you but OP has already stated that she has other kids and no space, plus the boyfriend's family has no space, so in this case they're kinda forced.
Although someone can always sleep on the couch but that's not always a viable solution.
I understand the daughter needing to move out. That doesn't mean she and the boyfriend have to move in TOGETHER. That's my point.
He's a good kid. Polite, respectful and raised well. If she wasn't pregnant and she told me they were getting married I would have been fine with it. I probably would have been happy for them but right now I'm still a little ticked at them, so we can leave it at I would have been fine.
They did plan on living together. This is just bringing the time frame closer to the present than originally planned.
If this were 3-5 years from now, I would be happy for them. They're just so young.
I understand, and you're right, this does make a difference.
Any marriage or living together arrangement holds no guarantee of future solidarity anyway, so...even if they were older, there'd still be concerns. It's just that pregnancy complicates things even further, so...it's not just a given that they should move in together just because she's pregnant. That's all I was saying.
I think you and your family are handling this very well.
I would say your grandchild is an exception. 99% of children born to a 19 year old mother have a life of hardship ahead of them.
Really? I don't think so.
Honestly, this is too individual when it comes to different scenarios. Your blanket assumptions are just that - blanket assumptions. This is not a situation where "one size fits all."
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but that's not always a viable solution.
