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He has shown intrest in Jr. College and or tech school for computers... that much I have gotten out of him and we even got him pre-enrolled in JC but he didn't complete the next steps.
He is that horse the needs to be lead to water and head pushed down into the water and then told to drink. If we don't take him to the water hole EVERYDAY then he would simply go thirsty and not do a damn thing about it.
Yeah my middle daughter is a A student in HS (11th) and # 3, she is only 5yrs old and what a sweety...but they all are at that age :-)
This screams depression to me. I would get him to a counselor ASAP. I'd be really worried for him. Don't kick him out of the house if he's dealing with inner demons.
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
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Damn, I love all this ahhhh the poor baby might be depressed crap, see a therapist, put him on meds, etc etc... What he needs is a kick in the keester....
Damn, I love all this ahhhh the poor baby might be depressed crap, see a therapist, put him on meds, etc etc... What he needs is a kick in the keester....
Too late for that. It's time to save the boy. And yes, at 19, he is a boy.
Tell him he has 30 days to either get a job or join the military. Otherwise, he will be on the side of the road with the rest of the trash. Those are his three choices. It's called tough love, and it will be the best thing for him. If you continue to coddle him, before you know it he will be 29.. 39... and 49 and still mooching off of you. When you die, he'll live under an overpass. Don't believe it? I have an uncle in his 50s who lives with his mother because he is too butt lazy to get a job. Do not let that be your son.
I have an acquaintance whose almost-40 year old son still lives in the home and mooches off of her.
It is possible he is clinically depressed or something, although he is quite capable of having girlfriends and figuring out ways to buy drugs and smokes.
But being depressed is not an excuse. The husband has divorced my acquaintance in large part over this. She is in poor health. The coddled son is, I am sure, incapable of living alone and taking care of himself because he has never had to. So when his mother/caretaker dies, he will be really thrown to the wolves.
Another vote for tough love, here. No excuses. Mental illness is not an excuse. It may well be a reason, but then why is he or anyone in his life not working to fix the problem?
Good chance he would get over his "issues" once in the military and forced to get is a$$ in gear every morning.
Either he is emotionally handicapped or depressed and you and your wife are enabling his behavior out of guilt and fear
OR he is extremely lazy/self involved with an entitlement mentality and you and your wife are enabling him out of fear that he'll become homeless if you don't.
Regardless of your motivations and his - there is an element of fear controlling your inability to take real action.
So you tell us...which of the two is it?
If you think he is mentally ill then you need to get him in to see a mental health provider immediately.
If you think he's just lazy and milking you then you need to buck up and take a tough love approach. You sit him down, tell him he is no longer going to be allowed to just breathe air under your watch. Give him a deadline sometime within the next month that he will have to be moved out of your home. Tell him you are willing to assist him in coming up with a plan, but he must make a plan.
If he is not mentally ill and is just lazy and unmotivated, he will swim rather than sink. You have to let him at this point.
I would sit him down and go over the ground rules (you and your spouse agree to ahead of time). He needs to either get an education or work; no more sitting around all day unemployed. If he picks education, I'd would monitor him closely and if need be, go with him when he registers for class, etc. I know this is excessive but this is a case where it may be needed. You are going to HAVE to stay on top of him and make sure he is upholding his end of the bargain; no skipping out of school or quitting his job. He should be doing his own laundry, picking up his room, and cooking at least some of his own meals at home. If he decided to find a job and live at home, you might want to consider a small rent payment at some point. Oh, and I would pay for the education if you can as long as he puts forth the effort and upholds his end of the bargain.
At this point I would pick extremly lazy and self absorbed with an addiction to online gameing.
I do need to step up my game, I'm not going to just give up and pawn it off to a Dr. Office at this point.
The purpose of this post was for just that.
I was a selfstarter as a kid and have been a working man my whole life..now I need to lead and enspire! A field I'm not familiar with so I need to change, find the path and make him Wake Up and Live!
Thank You ALL for you words! It is helping.
Steve
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