Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Could you maybe talk directly to the child?..maybe tell her that she can play, but as soon as she gets rough that's the end of it.(no use talking to the mother, she'd rather pretend it's not happening)..if that's not possible, I'd just not allow her to play with him anymore...it's sad, but it's her mothers fault she's like that.
You'd be doing your son a favor...unless he REALLY enjoys his time with her.
When you run into the lady across the street tell her that you would rather he played with boys his own age that you really don't want him to play with girls.
You asked me what I would do. Do there. That's what I would do.
I have seen many kids do the bear hug you describe, particularly boys and more energetic or athletic girls. My youngest dd actually started doing that when she began playing games with boys. I have seen a number of kids get annoyed when the other child won't let go, but I have never seen someone get hurt. I have even seen groups of kids doing this bear hug together, and that is not fun for the kid who ends up on the bottom, but I have never seen that child get hurt either. I am wondering if this little girl has brothers or plays with other boys. She likely picked it up from them. I think it is their way of playfully wrestling. I grew up with all brothers, and they did this sort of thing all the time.
I don't see hitting though or scratching too much except maybe when it happens during the kids' playful version of wrestling. Some kids are just physical when they relate to other kids, and it it hard on the ones who don't like it and for the ones who don't know when they are crossing the line, which may be the case with this little girl. I think you have received some good suggestions on how you may be able to curtail it. If your son doesn't like it, he may need to steer himself towards friends that are less likely to be physical. Therefore activities like Boy Scouts may work better than certain contact sports.
This little girl is a year younger than your son, so she may not have the maturity to play on his level. Also, it is possible that she needs to be evaluated for sensory processing disorder as she sounds like she is seeking out physical contact for sensory needs.
Your son can be taught how to handle unwanted physical contact as others have said. You can role play with him about how to extricate himself from the situation. You can also encourage him to play with other friends even at the park and you can help him to remove himself when she gets rough.
I do wonder though if he enjoys the *wrestling* since most boys really do and they need rough and tumble play. Often it is a good idea to have an adult who plays rough and tumble with a child because the adult knows how to control the play and keep it from getting too rough. This helps the child to figure out how to control his own body as well.
When you run into the lady across the street tell her that you would rather he played with boys his own age that you really don't want him to play with girls.
Teach him to shake hands with his friends instead of hugging. Tell the other mom you're getting him ready for kindergarten because most schools have a rule against hugging. Ask her daughter to shake hands with your son. The little girl might think it's a great new game and stick to shaking hands for a while.
Our kindergarten did "handshakes and high fives" but you'd better leave the high fives out since this girl has a problem with hitting.
It's also a good chance to talk to your son about what to do with unwanted physical contact...turn it into an acceptable contact (like the handshake), remove himself from the situation, or tell an adult, depending on the situation. He will encounter bullies or even just overly playful kids at school and he will have to learn how to deal with them.
Most schools do have rules against hugging and one of the reasons is that some children hug way too hard.
I think that she may just hug a lot because she is immature or because she is used to roughhousing with older brothers.
Talk kindly yet firm with the child in the mothers presence. Four and five year olds are able to reason to a point and if the little girl otherwise enjoys playing with your son she may appreciate and respect your family rules. Interestingly enough there are some parents that are unable to illicit favorable response from their children when others can. Might have something to do with the foundation that has been laid or the conflicting examples and Inconsistencies that the children are getting at home.
My son use to articulate not wanting to play with a certain child. The child behavior was so aggressive that avoidance with the initial response of many of the parents. Come to find out the parents had bigger issues of mutual aggression of their own at home. Only one of their three behaved this way and so collectively during communal play we would emphasize the ground rules and utilized time outs for all offenders accordingly.
Additionally, when children are physically disciplined at home they may use similar tactics to achieve desired behavior with their friends. Honoring humanity begins in the womb and extends through childhood. We teach our children patience, reasoning, consideration and a host of other virtues by extending and modeling the same behavior towards them.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
