The post I never wanted to make but knew I would (behavior, better)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I haven't read the parenting forum in a long time, but I'm familiar with the main characters and the general background of this...oh, I don't what to call it...misadventure, maybe? Can somebody summarize recent events for me? Specifically, how is it that DD1 left home? And why was she collecting baby clothes before this all came to pass? Sorry to impose, but the thread is long and all the twists and turns have me confused.
DD#1 is pregnant. I knew that was next after dh made her leave. She has been crashing where she could and often sleeping in her boyfriend's car because his parents will not let her stay there. So now we have to figure out how to make the best of the worst possible situation. Dh and I are not in position to help them either financially or by offering place to live. We don't have the money and we don't have the room. What I need to know is what kind of help is available to them. I would assume they can, at least, get WIC but is there help for them to find a place to sleep? Is there help WRT medical insurance for the baby (dd is covered on my insurance until she's 26 but the baby is not covered)? He makes $8.25/hour and works 40 hours a week. She finally got a minimum wage job (full time) when she found out she was pregnant but I don't think that's going to last once they find out she's pregnant. She's working as a security guard.
If you have any information on how the welfare system works, I would appreciate your advice. The first order of business is finding an actual bed for her to sleep in someplace where she can bring a baby home. I tried to talk her into putting the baby up for adoption but that just got her mad. She's not in a good place in her life to have a baby but she's a legal adult and the decisions are hers. Right now I'd just like to be able to give some advice as to what is out there for help.
Worst possible situation? You're daughter is alive and healthy. Stop the dramatics and help the girl already. For years you've bitched and complained about her. I'm not surprised at this turn of events. Will this wake you up to the fact that she needs a LOVING mother in her life? JC
Oh I agree but if you've followed the saga with dd, getting her to do anything is like pulling teeth. She's looking for help from her dad and I and it is not there and I wouldn't give it to her if it were after pulling this crap. I'd like to have some information to toss back at her when she plays pity poor me. No one is bailing her out here. She did this to herself. I also want information as to what is out there so dh doesn't feel guilty for changing the locks on the doors and cave. He's always bailed her out. I was really surprised when he went through with changing the locks. I knew that was the end of her going to college and that the next step would be a baby so I didn't think it was the right move but we're there. It's done. She's succeeded in screwing up three lives. Hers, his and the baby's. The only way out is adoption and she won't consider that. She'd rather screw this child's life up.
I want the information so I can just say "Here are your options" when she starts to cry poor me. She did this and she will live with it. The only help she will get will come from the state however I expect she won't go down and find out what is available. That's not her MO.
The problem with her job is she's a security guard and she did not disclose that she was pregnant when she took the job. Pregnancy is a physical condition that limits her ability to do this job. How's she going to tackle someone breaking in when she's pregnant? I see them laying her off for her own safety as soon as they know and she hasn't even worked long enough to draw unemployment.
Interesting that you want the state to help considering your posts on the P&OC forums. I guess social safety nets are only good for your relatives.
You are morally opposed to abortion, yet feel no compunction to make certain that baby is born healthy? You do have room for your daughter, the same room she previously occupied. She should not be living in a car, eating who knows what.
I know your daughter has been a screwup. If she has been reaching out to you (and otherwise how do you know about the pregnancy), it's time to open the door, give her a safe place to sleep and let her handle the rest of it.
I was a screw up too until I found a network of family and friends who really did love me for me. Its amazing what unconditional love and support can do for a person.
I have a question - you mention you can't help DD1 in part because you have to pay for DD2's college. But now you are no longer even planning to help DD1 with college when it is even more essential than before?
Oh this is funny. If you read my last thread here, I was encouraged to throw her out. We did and this is the result. Now I'm being told I need to bring her back home and make the mess she made easier for her to deal with?
And yes, I can understand not wanting to kill your child but I cannot understand not wanting to give your child a good life. Being alive is better than being dead. Having a good life is better than a crappy life. It's not hard to understand at all. A good life is the best thing she can give her child but that means giving it away to someone who can give it a good life because she can't. She has no education (maternal education is the number one predictor of outcomes), she's a teenager (having a teen mom is a big negative) and she doesn't have a pot to **** in. The adult thing to do here is the best thing for the baby and that is adoption. Killing the baby is not the best thing for the baby. It's really not hard to figure out if you think about it. Her wondering what happened to the baby is the lesser of the evils. At least she will know that she gave her child the only thing she could. Life. And she'll know she did the best she could for her child. I think that's much better to live with than the memory of the day you had your baby ripped limb from limb and thrown out like trash. If you think about it, I think it will come to you.
It takes character to do the right thing. I'm still hoping dd has some and does the right thing. I am certainly not going to make doing the wrong thing easy for her.
JC
She CAN give her baby a good life. A good life isn't about $$$$$$$$$$ and social status. Its about love, care and support. I was a single mother on welfare. My son is at the top of his class. He is a well rounded, intelligent, loving and sweet individual with the world at his feet. That didn't come from $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. It came from me (and later my husband) loving and supporting him, accepting him for who he was and always, ALWAYS making sure he knew home was a safe place - emotionally, physically and mentally.
I have a question - you mention you can't help DD1 in part because you have to pay for DD2's college. But now you are no longer even planning to help DD1 with college when it is even more essential than before?
I find that strange, too. Was there ever any money for DD1 to attend school? If that money was set aside for her future, well, I think it's arrived, or at least it will in thirty-two or so more weeks.
Doing what you and others here suggest is the definition of enabling.
That's ok. When the grandchild is born and grows up they'll know what an ******* nana and pop were to their parents and want nothing to do with them. What's amazing is those of us who've gone through this don't have to say a word. Kids pick it up by osmosis. At least it serves a lesson in how NOT to treat others.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We did and this is the result. Now I'm being told I need to bring her back home and make the mess she made easier for her to deal with? 
