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No....I don't think anyone thinks it's solely your fault - your dad has a good deal in this as well.....but your behavior hasn't helped your cause....and that is the only part that you can control at this point.
Your dad may be wrong and he may be irrational, but the fact remains that he is the boss of your house. It sucks, but you have to learn to live within his parameters.
I haven't seen a school offer 'study hall' in years.....though using them at lunch to catch up is often a good option.
BTW All of the HSs in my area have study halls. Many/most students do not take seven (or eight) classes each semester and the students need to be assigned someplace when they are not in a class.
Last edited by germaine2626; 09-04-2014 at 07:30 AM..
Unless it's a laptop, hauling a family PC back and forth between your room and the living room really isn't practical. Is there anywhere else in the house that it could go where you would have more quiet, with or without the headphones?
I also agree with the suggestions to use the school and library computers as much as you can.
I would use it in the living room but there has to be a rational reason behind the action. Simply stating "it's my house" is irrational .
Your father may have a reason to keep the computer in public areas that he is not sharing with you. Perhaps the teenage son of his friend at work has an addiction to internet porn which started when he got a computer to use in his bedroom. Or, perhaps the teenage child of relative purchased excessive amounts of objects/clothes/whatever online using the computer in his/her bedroom and now his relative has a huge debt to pay off. Or the teenage child of a friend played video games all night instead of doing homework. Or, a teen in your town was abducted and killed by someone who they met on an internet chat room and your dad is worried that could happen to you.
It could even be something from your dad's past. Perhaps, there was some type of freedom that his parents gave him and he abused it and he is worried that you will do the same thing. Maybe, instead of studying in his bedroom as a HS student your dad drank alcohol or did drugs or had sex with his girlfriend. It is unlikely that your dad would share any of those personal details with you, so he simply says "My house, my rules".
I have been recently getting into a numerous amounts of fights with my parents, specifically my dad. He refuses to give me a computer for school work on the grounds that I will misuse it . For the past 3 years in high school I have been doing bad. I go to a top 30 high school in the nation and it is very hard. However my grades have been steady picking up, for the first few weeks of my senior year I have been getting all A's even in the hard classes such as calculus. My dad will only let me use the computer in the living room but I need a computer in my room. It is very distracting and I'm not able to concentrate (I have ADHD). I even tried to compromise by asking him to put the computer in my room until and if my grades fall. He still refuses. Due to this we have been fighting even more. I spend my time fighting with him instead of studying. I genuinely want to study and improve my life but I need a computer for school work. I'm taking AP computer science! It frustrates me that my dad doesn't trust me and in order for him to give me the computer I am escalating the situation by cursing him out and misbehaving more than I have ever before. I even asked him what I can do to earn the computer and he said nothing. What should I do? Am I wrong?
I'm not sure what the big deal is. I have Asperger's (professionally diagnosed) and some form of ADD or ADHD (self-diagnosed; never tried for a professional diagnosis on this one)... my family didn't have a computer until I was 14, I took all advanced classes in high school (including AP computer science and two years of AP physics) and having the one computer was never a hindrance.
If I were you, I would focus on the distractions in the living room. This is the one way in which my situation differed from yours. Our family's computer was in a room off to the side in the basement level of the house... so it was usually distraction-free. If you aren't going to win on the grounds of the computer's location, then list the distractions that usually occur in and around the living room while you are trying to do your schoolwork, and see what you can do to get them minimized or eliminated when you're working. Maybe your dad is right - maybe you would misuse the computer. I was a teenager once, and I know that if I had an Internet-connected computer in my room, I'd have been looking at porn regularly (we didn't even have Internet until I was almost out of high school) and/or playing video games when I should have been working. (That I did, even on my parents' basement computer!) Maybe you have goofed off before. After all, you did say that for the first three years of your high school career, you got bad grades. I had some of those years myself and the first thing to go was my video game privileges.
You have no choice but to work with your dad here. If he refuses to help you mitigate the distractions, then perhaps you should enlist the assistance of your high school guidance counselor (or psychologist) and/or your teachers. I highly doubt that your dad would stand in your way if you were doing everything you could do to study and work hard so you would get good grades.
If I were you, I would focus on the distractions in the living room. This is the one way in which my situation differed from yours. Our family's computer was in a room off to the side in the basement level of the house... so it was usually distraction-free. If you aren't going to win on the grounds of the computer's location, then list the distractions that usually occur in and around the living room while you are trying to do your schoolwork, and see what you can do to get them minimized or eliminated when you're working. Maybe your dad is right - maybe you would misuse the computer.
You have no choice but to work with your dad here. If he refuses to help you mitigate the distractions, then perhaps you should enlist the assistance of your high school guidance counselor (or psychologist) and/or your teachers. I highly doubt that your dad would stand in your way if you were doing everything you could do to study and work hard so you would get good grades.
I agree that it's not the single family computer that seems to be the problem as much as the location of it. Perhaps, take a careful look at the layout of your family home. Is there some room/location that seems out of the flow of regular traffic, that is large enough to accommodate a small desk? If there is, point this area out to your parents. Note that it's quiet, out of the way, and seems like a good place for studying and working. Suggest turning the area into the homework/office zone and move the computer there, ensuring there's enough space for books/papers/whatever else might be needed to do homework. Point out it's for them, too, if they use the computer to pay bills, work on taxes, etc. etc. It will give anyone who needs to use the computer a spot of peace and quiet where they can concentrate. Let them know you're thinking about them, too, because you know it gets chaotic in the kitchen, and they might appreciate a quiet spot if they're working on the computer at some point, too.
If you have diagnosed ADHD, you likely have an IEP, and a someone at your school who is responsible for managing the IEP, as well as having a guidance counselor. I think you should definitely speak with them, and see if perhaps you can arrange a meeting with them, your parents and you. Clearly you are now at a point where you want to work hard, and succeed. You stated you are primarily in upper level classes. School has changed significantly since your parents were in school, especially in honors or AP type courses. They may not be aware of how critical use of a computer is to be successful in the majority of your classes. They may not realize how much focused energy you need to spend on your work. I'm guessing your parents (much like me), went through HS with no computer or very limited access, may have had as much normal family chaos around them as you're dealing with, and did fine in school. They may be like me in that they didn't have AP courses even offered, so the level of work you are dealing with might be a bit difficult for them to understand. This is where your IEP coordinator and counselor can help you. They can outline what your classes require of you, and what tools you need for success. If it comes from them, adults with no particular agenda other than your success, it may resonate with your parents more than your discussions with them. It'll help everyone stay calm, and focused on discussing the situation and finding solutions rather than have it escalate.
Good luck, and congrats on your desire to turn around your education and succeed!
you are 17, probably got to suck it up and endure until graduation. Cursing your parent out won't get you very far. Tell your dad, this is a tool I need to succeed in school, I get good grades and I want a computer as a reward for those good grades - and it will be totally required when you start college. In the mean time, you can get by with access to the before/after school lab or county/city library... they have computers...
If your dad isn't willing to compromise, now you have your own solid reason to move away for college/army.
in this part of the country, you can buy a completely servicable Windows 8 laptop for $249 and change (won't make a good game machine, if that is your true interest). Maybe you should consider a part time job at McDonalds so you can buy your own.
Then use it... in the living room, with the headphones.
And quit cussing out your parents. It only shows your immaturity.
^^^ This.
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