Child custody issue. Advise and thoughts. (legally, punishment, divorced, parent)

[Confusedanddazed]

My fiancé has a 4 year old child with a woman he never married. They lived together only. He tried to get full custody of the child a year ago because of being told the mom was doing heroine and drinking 24/7. . In the process she passed 5 drug tests... and nothing was changed. They have joint custody. The mother is a mess and has no clue how to raise a child, he is 4 and she puts him in diapers, doesn't feed him properly, exposes him to bad things, shes just a bad mom, keeps him up all hours.
10 days ago the mom was arrested and heroine was found on her, she stole a purse and assaulted an elderly woman, used this ladies credit card, and forged a check. Their son was with her when all this happened. She is in jail with no bond. Not sure when her sentencing happens or any details. It was in the local news big time, so when my fiancé went to file papers for custody of his son they sped up the process.
A court date was set. It was yesterday. She had a public defender. My fiancé had no lawyer.
He was granted physical custody. But they still have joint custody. The judge said she can have visits once she is out of jail, depending on times the father agrees. BUT he can not leave the state with his son.
Our problem is I am from California and need to be in California for my 3 kids, especially for my youngest 13 year old. Their dad lives in California too, we have joint custody. My fiancé would like to move himself and his son to California to be with me and my children, marry me and we raise his son properly!! The judge told him a hearing would have to take place and he would have to win in order to move.

I'm nervous and scared that he will end up not ever being able to move to California, Northern California. I can't move to his state on the east coast because of my children.

Not sure what the mother will be sentenced, what her punishment will be and if it could affect the hearing? I mean if she's in jail for a few years and why can't he move out of state to give his son the best.... And even protect his son from the mother?

Advise please.
What is my fiancé's chances of winning a hearing to be able to move wherever with his son?
Please share any experiences you've had or heard of.
Please don't post any negative response unless it's just facts.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Confusedanddazed

My fiancé has a 4 year old child with a woman he never married. They lived together only. He tried to get full custody of the child a year ago because of being told the mom was doing heroine and drinking 24/7. . In the process she passed 5 drug tests... and nothing was changed. They have joint custody. The mother is a mess and has no clue how to raise a child, he is 4 and she puts him in diapers, doesn't feed him properly, exposes him to bad things, shes just a bad mom, keeps him up all hours.
10 days ago the mom was arrested and heroine was found on her, she stole a purse and assaulted an elderly woman, used this ladies credit card, and forged a check. Their son was with her when all this happened. She is in jail with no bond. Not sure when her sentencing happens or any details. It was in the local news big time, so when my fiancé went to file papers for custody of his son they sped up the process.
A court date was set. It was yesterday. She had a public defender. My fiancé had no lawyer.
He was granted physical custody. But they still have joint custody. The judge said she can have visits once she is out of jail, depending on times the father agrees. BUT he can not leave the state with his son.
Our problem is I am from California and need to be in California for my 3 kids, especially for my youngest 13 year old. Their dad lives in California too, we have joint custody. My fiancé would like to move himself and his son to California to be with me and my children, marry me and we raise his son properly!! The judge told him a herring would have to take place and he would have to win in order to move.

I'm nervous and scared that he will end up not ever being able to move to California, Northern California. I can't move to his state on the east coast because of my children.

Not sure what the mother will be sentenced, what her punishment will be and if it could affect the hearing? I mean if she's in jail for a few years and why can't he move out of state to give his son the best.... And even protect his son from the mother?

Advise please.
What is my fiancé's chances of winning a hearing to be able to move wherever with his son?
Please share any experiences you've had or heard of.
Please don't post any negative response unless it's just facts.

Thank GOD your fiance at least got physical custody! He needs a lawyer, no ifs ands or buts. Tell him to beg or borrow from whomever he has to to get legal representation prior to the hearing.

Even with all the crappy things the mother has done, some places are liberal enough to give her more rights than she deserves.

A lawyer on his side is his best chance for getting court permission to take the boy out of state. Best of luck.

[Hopes]

He does need a lawyer. Without one, it's likely you'll never live together unless she dies of an overdose.

[Confusedanddazed]

Thanks for your reply. Yes I agree a lawyer must be used. It sucks that she can get a free lawyer and he has no choice but to hire a lawyer. Money that will be very hard to come by. He already paid a lawyer $5000 last fall trying to get custody from the mom, btw that case just ended this last march. She hired a lawyer then. But now that she's in jail she has a public defender. Her public defender stated that "he'll never let the son leave Virginia"


Oh and I forgot to add... The mother stole from her own grandmother, thousands of dollars. This grandmother (my fiancé's sons great grandmother) is in the process of filing charges . So in addition to what the mother already is charged with, she will have more added.
I should also add my fiancé has no drug or drinking problems and has no record of any sort, Not even speeding ticket. I am a divorced mother of three, grew up with my mom owning a preschool and taught preschool when my youngest was 3 through 5 years old. All honesty my influence on my fiancé's 4 year lid is the best thing that has ever happened to him. Moving to California so we could all be together is in his best interest.

I'm really worried after reading how hard it is for a parent to move out of state.

[Confusedanddazed]

Originally Posted by Hopes

He does need a lawyer. Without one, it's likely you'll never live together unless she dies of an overdose.

I wish... Not to be mean or uncaring but she is a horrible person who harms everyone she is around.
But if she is in jail , and probably will be for awhile, I doubt overdosing could even happen for a long time. We can't wait years. Yes a lawyer is needed. Ugh

[Sabinerose]

Why is a public defender (assigned to her for her criminal charges) getting involved in a child custody case?! While the issues intertwine, they should be very separate. Separate court dates, separate paper work, etc...

I would find out if this lawyer is overstepping his boundaries. He may be getting involved in something that he shouldn't be spending tax payers money on.

[Confusedanddazed]

Originally Posted by Sabinerose

Why is a public defender (assigned to her for her criminal charges) getting involved in a child custody case?! While the issues intertwine, they should be very separate. Separate court dates, separate paper work, etc...

I would find out if this lawyer is overstepping his boundaries. He may be getting involved in something that he shouldn't be spending tax payers money on.

That was exactly my thought!!!! Why is she able to use that public defender for the custody case?

[Confusedanddazed]

So this brings about this issue as well....
Can a public defender of a mother in jail be used for the child custody case that resulted because of the mother being in jail? It seems unfair the father has to hire a lawyer to get custody of his son, but the mother who has multiple felony charges against her and is in jail with no bond gets a public defender for the custody case.... Is the public defender overstepping his boundaries?

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Confusedanddazed

So this brings about this issue as well....
Can a public defender of a mother in jail be used for the child custody case that resulted because of the mother being in jail? It seems unfair the father has to hire a lawyer to get custody of his son, but the mother who has multiple felony charges against her and is in jail with no bond gets a public defender for the custody case.... Is the public defender overstepping his boundaries?

Innocent until proven guilty - so mom gets all the free help she wants right now.

Whether it is "unfair" or not is beside the point and a waste of good energy to worry about.

Have your fiance get a lawyer, will be worth every penny he pays to save his son and give him the life he deserves.

[LiLShorty4lyfe]

She shouldn't be able to. The hearings would be held in front of different judges, at different times and she would have had to hire a public defender on the case # for the child custody in order for him to legally represent her. Something isn't adding up. I worked for attorney's who did family law, and criminal law and I'm familiar with how this works. It's not whats going on here, thats for sure.