Parents: if/when your teen loses virginity, would you want to know? (punishment, teens)
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As parents we love our children and are inclined to be invested in every aspect of their wellness & development. For a teen to discuss any details of their sexual maturation with the parent, there needs to be a well-established trust and open communication already there, beginning from birth to toddlerhood and all through growing up.
Is a young adult's sexual maturation any business of the parent?
I know it's a sensitive area in a person's life, some people begin expressing sexuality as teens, some later in life. Some parents are closer to their children than others, and to have dialogues about such personal matters depends on the dynamics of the relationship. Everyone is different.
I'd want my daughter to feel comfortable enough to tell me but on the other hand, I wouldn't really want to know about her sex life I don't think. Its hard to say right now what I would want to know as she's so young as its a long long way into the future yet before that happens.
I never had to contemplate it because my children told me without my asking. Apparently, they wanted me to know and wanted to talk to me about it. No intimate details, of course. I don't think it's a parent's right. If a parent didn't establish a relationship that makes their children feel comfortable talking about it, I don't think parents have a right to demand disclosure. If anything, I think it's a parent's obligation to establish a relationship that promotes their children feeling comfortable talking to them.
I never thought it was any of my business. As long as my sons were schooled in birth control ( and they were), I felt I could trust them enough to make that decision for themselves. It turned out, I was right.
I don't think it's necessary for the parents to know, but it's welcome if the teen wants to discuss it. We parents are there to guide them. We can't control their decision, but we can sure try to help them make good responsible ones. Teens are capable of love. They hear it all the time that sex is something shared between two people that love and respect each other. They may believe they are in that kind of relationship where sex seems to be the right choice for them. Sometimes it works out well enough and no harm done, but sometimes things don't work out so well. If they make that decision to become intimate with each other, it's in our best interest to help them through any troubles that may result from this. A broken heart. We ALL go through that, even as adults. It's just fresher for them since sex brings on the bonding hormones in girls. If the girl gets pregnant. Well, one can only assume she's aware of how that happened, but there is obviously a large amount of guidance needed for her to make the right decision for her and her family. A disease results. Sexually transmitted diseases are awful. Not all are fatal, but some are life changing while others just require a visit to the doctor and a prescription filled. Still, guidance would be needed to help them understand how to avoid such situations or how to cope with the circumstances of their decisions...pregnancy included.
Teen decisions can be frustrating for all. They are often made before consideration of the circumstances ahead. As a parent, you can try very hard to explain those circumstances before they hop in the sack with someone, but it's up to them to take responsibility for their actions and make choices with possible circumstances they can handle.
Meanwhile, I'm all ears if they need me to talk to and for me to listen without judgement.
People do not wait until their wedding night to lose their virginity like we did?
(Obviously, I am being sarcastic, but do not forget that some people really do wait until they are married, engaged or in a serious relationship before having sex).
People do not wait until their wedding night to lose their virginity like we did?
(Obviously, I am being sarcastic, but do not forget that some people really do wait until they are married, engaged or in a serious relationship before having sex).
I'm not a parent, but I would imagine for a child to be open with parents about this part of their lives they would need to have a solid relationship based on trust and not fear. Most parents in the United States rule their children with fear; it's the "don't do this, or you will be punished" kind of thinking, and parents do punish their children to avoid shame. Children, in turn, learn how to hide their deeds from their parents to avoid punishment or shame. It would take a special kind of parenting to break that cycle. The tighter hold you have on your kids, the more they will rebel.
Not necessarily. What I really would like to know about right away, is if my child would think about leaving this world. Everything else is, basically, their own life.
I also started talking about sex, pregnancy and STD protection with my children at an early age, well before puberty. When they reached puberty the open communication was already there. I found this very successful in our relationships with each other and for their better wellbeing.
I was never interested if they lost their virginity or anything other than if they needed to talk more about this or needed help in obtaining birth control etc.
This was a good original post and I feel more parents should do this also, communication is much easier when it is really needed most, if it is already well established.
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