Bio-mom wants contact after many years (attorney, parents, girls, daughter)
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I doubt she will take him back to court as she was ordered to pay child support and has not..
No child support..no contact with kids. Seek your lawyers advice first to make sure. State rules about that. may vary
Toss the email out and act like you never got it. You don't need trash like that around your kids. Also, talk to a lawyer about having her rights severed.
I'm sorry but this is terrible advice. The mom my be trash but like it or not she is their birth mother and that means something to these girls. They might decide that they don't want to talk to her but they are old enough to make that decision for themselves.
OP, I think you should talk to your girls and let them decide if they want to talk to their mother.
I'm sorry but this is terrible advice. The mom my be trash but like it or not she is their birth mother and that means something to these girls. They might decide that they don't want to talk to her but they are old enough to make that decision for themselves.
OP, I think you should talk to your girls and let them decide if they want to talk to their mother.
^^^The girls are old enough to make a decision on whether they want contact. I do not think the court would force the children to have contact with the birthmother. I know with my older son, after his father stood him up several times when he told him he would pick him up (he would stand at the window for hours watching for his father to show up when he was only 4 years old), my son started refusing to go with him. My ex-husband was not paying child support but visitation and child support are separate issues.
I did not attempt to force my son to go with his father. Eventually, they parted ways. The damage his father did by this behavior was never repaired.
Ask the girls. If they say "No." Support their decision. If bio-mom wants to dispute, get a lawyer and if you cannot afford one, there is usually a legal assistance office that takes clients on the ability to pay. You are the parent that the girls can depend on and you want to stay that way.
Here is the situation. I was granted full sole custody of my 2 kids almost 4 years ago. My daughters are 17 and about to be 16. Their mom was allowed to call the kids as much as she wanted which was/is to be supervised by me. Her last phone call to either one of them was the day my oldest turned 14 (over 3 years ago). She never said she wasn't going to be calling any longer, she just shut off contact, no phone calls, emails, letters, anything ever since. I attempted to call her and the only number I had for her was disconnected.
Today, out of the blue, she sends me an email stating she wants to talk to the girls and the parenting plan says I have to provide that. The problem is, how do I bring this up to my kids who are well old enough to have formed their own opinions on the subject. They have been to counseling numerous times over all of this and have brought up to me that they feel abandoned by her. How do I bring this up to them, and should I let them make the decision whether or not they want to talk to her?
P.S. She was also ordered to pay child support when I was granted custody, that hasn't happened either.
This is what I would do.
I would tell your kids that their mother has contacted you and wants to talk to them. I would ask them how they would like to handle the situation. I would DOCUMENT everything you do and then abide by the wishes of your children.
Toss the email out and act like you never got it. You don't need trash like that around your kids. Also, talk to a lawyer about having her rights severed.
^^ exactly, she blew it and has shown to be untrustworthy. Your girls deserve better.
I'm sorry but this is terrible advice. The mom my be trash but like it or not she is their birth mother and that means something to these girls. They might decide that they don't want to talk to her but they are old enough to make that decision for themselves.
OP, I think you should talk to your girls and let them decide if they want to talk to their mother.
No, THIS ^^ is terrible advice.
Just cuz she popped them out of her vagina doesn't mean she has earned the title of "mom." She certainly hasn't acted like a mom when she abandoned her children, what gives her the right to now barge in and disrupt the lives that I'm sure the OP has worked hard to rebuild for them. Just because she's their egg donor is not a good enough reason.
She didn't even send an email apologizing profusely, make some child support payments, NOTHING, she basically just demanded visitation and I bet my left kidneys she'd make up some lame reasons why she didn't speak to her kids or turn around and put it on them OR the OP even.
I would protect my children and ignore the email. I can't imagine the pain they went through and how long it has taken them to move on from their mom just cutting them off. I wouldn't put it past her to come into their lives for a short period then take off again.
For those saying to toss out the email and never let the girls know. I would think this would create more issues since the mom is reaching out at this time. Yes, it could be short lived or the incorrect reasons however, the girls are at the age where they can soon be reaching out this person (I did not say MOM) and call her out. The one person they have trusted their life is their dad if the mom where to tell them that she did try to reach out and the dad never let her be with them it could create issues with the girls on whom to trust.
It sounds like you are a strong DAD to these girls and I commend you for raising these girls without a Mom around.
We all make mistakes sometimes larger than others and the casualties are greater but we have to show compassion and allow those people to try again without that we are not human. This is not to say to put those children in harms way both physical and mental.
Yes, they are definitely old enough to make their own decision about their mother. I understand you wanting to protect them from her, and if they were much younger, I'd have a different answer. They may very well not want any contact, they may want closure to tell their mother the damage she has done, or maybe they want to test the waters and see if there is a chance of having a relationship with her. I'd put the ball in their hands and support them either way. Take your feelings about her (and the child support) out of it; those are separate issues.
Just cuz she popped them out of her vagina doesn't mean she has earned the title of "mom." She certainly hasn't acted like a mom when she abandoned her children, what gives her the right to now barge in and disrupt the lives that I'm sure the OP has worked hard to rebuild for them. Just because she's their egg donor is not a good enough reason.
She didn't even send an email apologizing profusely, make some child support payments, NOTHING, she basically just demanded visitation and I bet my left kidneys she'd make up some lame reasons why she didn't speak to her kids or turn around and put it on them OR the OP even.
I would protect my children and ignore the email. I can't imagine the pain they went through and how long it has taken them to move on from their mom just cutting them off. I wouldn't put it past her to come into their lives for a short period then take off again.
Children just don't move past being abandoned by a parent. These girls are almost adults and they have the right to decide for themselves whether or not they want to speak to their mother. Ignoring the email will only cause more harm to these girls later on down the road.
I've been in a similar situation and I had to set aside my own anger and let my child decide whether or not she wanted a relationship with her father. I never wanted her to blame me someday for keeping her father away.
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