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So I've found myself in a difficult situation and could use some solid feedback.
I am a single parent and work in a hospital which means my hours can be pretty demanding, more so now then two years ago. After the divorce my spouse kept our dog and at the time I attempted to compensate for my son by getting him a new dog.
Like most kids he doesn't really have much to do with the dog. He loves the dog but not interested in playing with him or taking care of him. We are currently in an apartment so he has to be walked and so on. My commute is currently dreadful, over 1.5 hours due to traffic which puts me leaving in the morning at 6 an returning home at close to 7. By the time I get home I'm spent. I prepare dinner, walk the dog, clean up the kiddo and just drop into bed.
So the dog doesn't get nearly as much attention as he should which is not good at all for dog. We just recently decided to make a move into a new part of town and found the perfect house to rent. Great schools, cuts my commute from 1.5 hours to 3 minutes (within walking distance) and has kids everywhere which he has zero in our current living situation. The catch....no dogs.
Of course my son when asked says he wants to move but not if it means giving up the dog. As the adult it's my job to to what's best which is not always inline with the child. Having more free time together, Tons of kids to socialize with right out his front door and a better school district are all things that are very difficult to turn my back on.
By the way I have a very close friend with kids and a house that would love to take the dog so it would have a great home.
You recognize as an adult that this move is the best thing for both of you.
How you explain that to him depends a bit on his age. Has he met the family that is willing to take the dog? It's hard, but you have to explain to him that the dog doesn't get enough attention right now. Most importantly stop connecting the move to getting rid of the dog. I understand that the move and the dog are already associated, but try to step back from that association.
You recognize as an adult that this move is the best thing for both of you.
How you explain that to him depends a bit on his age. Has he met the family that is willing to take the dog? It's hard, but you have to explain to him that the dog doesn't get enough attention right now. Most importantly stop connecting the move to getting rid of the dog. I understand that the move and the dog are already associated, but try to step back from that association.
He's 11 and will be 12 in December. He has not met the family that would take the dog no. I definitely don't want to tie the dog to the move in anyway especially in his eyes. Like I mentioned it's been a topic of discussion over the past few months so long before the move which hopefully will help dissassociate the two. Th problem is that when we discuss it he tries to spend more time however it's very clear that it's forced on his part because he feels the responsibility to do so however his heart isn't in it.
Yes, you have the right idea- dissassociate the dog from the move.
Take your son for a drive past the new owner's home. Have him meet the new owners. It doesn't have to be for long. You don't have to go to their house or have them to your home. Keep it short. Perhaps meet someplace neutral, like a park, with dog on with you.
Keep explaining to your son why it's best for the dog. Then just do the dog rehoming soon as possible. Good luck- none of this is easy. There's going to be some emotional upset but do what it best for all involved.
So I've found myself in a difficult situation and could use some solid feedback.
I am a single parent and work in a hospital which means my hours can be pretty demanding, more so now then two years ago. After the divorce my spouse kept our dog and at the time I attempted to compensate for my son by getting him a new dog.
Like most kids he doesn't really have much to do with the dog. He loves the dog but not interested in playing with him or taking care of him. We are currently in an apartment so he has to be walked and so on. My commute is currently dreadful, over 1.5 hours due to traffic which puts me leaving in the morning at 6 an returning home at close to 7. By the time I get home I'm spent. I prepare dinner, walk the dog, clean up the kiddo and just drop into bed.
So the dog doesn't get nearly as much attention as he should which is not good at all for dog. We just recently decided to make a move into a new part of town and found the perfect house to rent. Great schools, cuts my commute from 1.5 hours to 3 minutes (within walking distance) and has kids everywhere which he has zero in our current living situation. The catch....no dogs.
Of course my son when asked says he wants to move but not if it means giving up the dog. As the adultit's my job to to what's best which is not always inline with the child. Having more free time together, Tons of kids to socialize with right out his front door and a better school district are all things that are very difficult to turn my back on.
By the way I have a very close friend with kids and a house that would love to take the dog so it would have a great home.
Thoughts?
As the adult you have to decide what is best for everyone, and that means the dog, too.
Right now you are being horrible unfair to the dog.
Frankly, I would recommend rehoming the dog ASAP so it is not directly connected to the move.
I suspect that once you move your son will barely miss or even think about the dog. If he really, truly loved the dog he would be caring for it, walking it and playing with it a lot more right now.
As the adult you have to decide what is best for everyone, and that means the dog, too.
Right now you are being horrible unfair to the dog.
Frankly, I would recommend rehoming the dog ASAP so it is not directly connected to the move.
I suspect that once you move your son will barely miss or even think about the dog. If he really, truly loved the dog he would be caring for it, walking it and playing with it a lot more right now.
I completely agree. The dog is well taken care of however needs way more attention then he's getting. I appreciate the feedback and the the ability to bounce this off of someone from the outside looking in.
I really dislike the idea of teaching a child that once you take on the responsibility of a pet, you don't see it through. Thats a terrible but way too common lesson people teach their kids.
I really dislike the idea of teaching a child that once you take on the responsibility of a pet, you don't see it through. Thats a terrible but way too common lesson people teach their kids.
While normally I would agree with you, it isn't like the dad is getting rid of the dog on a whim. Plus, he having a great deal of difficulty caring for it right now.
It appears that he has found a wonderful apartment that really meets his needs and the needs of all his human family members. Imagine cutting your commute from 3 hours a day to a few minutes? Wow! In some communities it is extremely hard to find places to rent when you own a pet, especially a dog. So, he may have to rehome the dog no matter where he moves to.
Last edited by germaine2626; 08-22-2015 at 10:23 AM..
While normally I would agree with you, it isn't like the dad is getting rid of the dog on a whim. Plus, he having a great deal of difficulty caring for it right now.
It appears that he has found a wonderful apartment that really meets his needs and the needs of all his human family members. Imagine cutting your commute from 3 hours a day to a few minutes? Wow! In some communities it is extremely hard to find places to rent when you own a pet, especially a dog. So, he may have to rehome the dog no matter where he moves to.
Exactly. In this case, it's a win for everyone (INCLUDING the dog, who's being neglected right now).
Animals aren't toys to be discarded on a whim, but sometimes the needs of the human members of the family do have to come first. "Forever homes" don't exist, for people OR for pets. In this case, the dog will be getting a better home, and so will the family. They just won't be the same home. Sometimes that's the best we can do.
I really dislike the idea of teaching a child that once you take on the responsibility of a pet, you don't see it through. Thats a terrible but way too common lesson people teach their kids.
Kudos. I've lived in a couple of horrible places when I was young so I could keep my dog. I never gave up an animal in favor of a place to rent. I would keep the dog and find another place to rent instead. Is it difficult? Yes, but not impossible, but hey whatever is the easy way out right? That's why our shelters are full to the brim and tens of thousands of good animals are destroyed every year. People need to stop thinking of pets as just play things easily discarded when they become a tad inconvenient.
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