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So I've found myself in a difficult situation and could use some solid feedback.
I am a single parent and work in a hospital which means my hours can be pretty demanding, more so now then two years ago. After the divorce my spouse kept our dog and at the time I attempted to compensate for my son by getting him a new dog.
Like most kids he doesn't really have much to do with the dog. He loves the dog but not interested in playing with him or taking care of him. We are currently in an apartment so he has to be walked and so on. My commute is currently dreadful, over 1.5 hours due to traffic which puts me leaving in the morning at 6 an returning home at close to 7. By the time I get home I'm spent. I prepare dinner, walk the dog, clean up the kiddo and just drop into bed.
So the dog doesn't get nearly as much attention as he should which is not good at all for dog. We just recently decided to make a move into a new part of town and found the perfect house to rent. Great schools, cuts my commute from 1.5 hours to 3 minutes (within walking distance) and has kids everywhere which he has zero in our current living situation. The catch....no dogs.
Of course my son when asked says he wants to move but not if it means giving up the dog. As the adult it's my job to to what's best which is not always inline with the child. Having more free time together, Tons of kids to socialize with right out his front door and a better school district are all things that are very difficult to turn my back on.
By the way I have a very close friend with kids and a house that would love to take the dog so it would have a great home.
Thoughts?
I haven't read any other responses. But, I believe you need to make this move and give the dog to your friends. Tell your son he can visit the dog. And don't bend when he starts crying and begging and telling you he'll start walking the dog, etc., etc. Just explain that it's best for everyone, including the dog - which is true.
It's a hard lesson, but a valuable one for kids to learn that adults have to make difficult decisions, which includes changing things when they aren't working.
And if your son hollers, "I hate you!" and goes into his bedroom and slams the door - remember you're not the first or last parent who has experienced this type of reaction. And then go pour yourself a nice glass of wine.
Enjoy your new house. It really will be best for you, your son and your dog, who will be much happier in his new home, too.
No, she neither irresponsible nor teaching her child that pets are disposable. Those people don't come to a parenting forum looking for help on how to explain to their child that sometimes the best choice for all involved isn't the easiest choice to make. People that are irresponsible leave their pets behind to fend for themselves, or turn them into a shelter where they may or may not find another home.
It's easy to see why so many first time posters never return when they're ripped apart with judgmental posts like yours.
It won't let me rep you again, so I just wanted to call this out. I so agree! Good grief, I understand the dog rescue part of it; believe me, I am 100% on board with that cause. But being a parent to a human child does and always should come first. The OP clearly made a mistake getting a dog, he cops to that responsibility. The dog, and the their family need not suffer for years and years because of it. Not everyone who gets a dog SHOULD have a dog and as people involved in rescue, we all know that. The best thing going forward for this dog is either the OP completely changes everything about their life to accommodate a dog (unlikely given that we have a single parent; a stress load that is off the charts) or the dog gets a second chance at a better life. I vote for the second chance.
This is just a thought, but maybe you need to offer the kid an ultimatum. The kid is old enough to feed, walk and brush the dog. If the kid doesn't take over walking and feeding the dog every day that he is home for the next month, the dog goes.
If the kid doesn't come through, re-home the dog. Apologize to the kid "I'm sorry I expected things of you that you couldn't handle." And stick with it.
This is just a thought, but maybe you need to offer the kid an ultimatum. The kid is old enough to feed, walk and brush the dog. If the kid doesn't take over walking and feeding the dog every day that he is home for the next month, the dog goes.
If the kid doesn't come through, re-home the dog. Apologize to the kid "I'm sorry I expected things of you that you couldn't handle." And stick with it.
The OP is looking to move and hasn't found a place that accepts pets.
OP has stated that the dog does not get enough attention, that he and his son do not really love the dog. Is that fair to the dog? NO. Every dog deserves a loving home, not just a home where nobody has time for it.
They have found a new family that will love the dog. It won't end up in a shelter.
- Loving owner of 3 German Shepherds
I went back and read the thread post and in it was stated that the son did not want to give up the dog. Hence my retort about him having to give up the dog being yet another loss in what seems to be a lot of loss with the divorce. "Not having time" is an excuse for not wanting to deal with it. Yes I agree that every pet needs a loving home and I'm giving the OP the benefit of a doubt here that they could indeed provide that with a little effort. I feel sorry for the son. I'm sure he's going through a lot of turmoil right now. Taking another pet away and creating another loss may not be the answer here. It's easy enough to say that the son doesn't love the dog when you're trying to validate a decision based on wanting to do something that will again hurt your child. Taking care of the dog together may be beneficial to both of them and a bonding experience for all three of them as well. I'll stick by my opinion that they should at least give it a try and let the dust settle before they make such a decision. I'm wondering how long they've had the dog?
It has been my experience and the experience of my friends and relatives that children who truly love their pet will be responsible and provide care. Of course, a four or five year old child can not be expected to remember to feed and walk a dog but by the time a child is older elementary they should be able to handle all of the responsibilities (except for trips to the veterinarian and driving to the store to buy food) of caring for their pet.
Now, if it is the parent's pet or the family pet that is a different matter because the responsibility is shared. But, when my children got turtles, hamsters, fish, Guinea pigs or cats as their pets they fed them, they make sure they had fresh water, they cleaned the cages/tanks, they handled the responsibility because they loved their pets.
That's awesome but one size does not fit all. I've been trying to get this chihuahua away from those crazy girls that spend the night with us for years. She's not getting the best of care and I'm the only one who cuts her nails. I've been doing it for years now. Yet those girls love her and won't part with her. They don't want the responsibility because they are typical kids. They complain bitterly when I ask them to hold her because I need to do her nails. When they whine I ask them to give her to me. There's always a very strong NO. That boy may be a tad shut down emotionally from all of the change? I don't know I'm just guessing here. People who are shut down often don't want to do anything. Having a pet may help with that. None of us know the little guy or the op. Different opinions and different sides of the story are helpful and people don't really need to "get a grip" here. Different opinions deserve respect. Anything less is ignorant.
Doesn't sound like a "dilemma" to me; if he isn't taking proper care of the dog (which means spending lots of time with the dog; it's a living, sentient being and a social animal, at that; not a stuff toy), then the dog deserves a better home where his needs will be met. End of story!
Kudos. I've lived in a couple of horrible places when I was young so I could keep my dog. I never gave up an animal in favor of a place to rent. I would keep the dog and find another place to rent instead. Is it difficult? Yes, but not impossible, but hey whatever is the easy way out right? That's why our shelters are full to the brim and tens of thousands of good animals are destroyed every year. People need to stop thinking of pets as just play things easily discarded when they become a tad inconvenient.
So have I. While I understand the OP and her son are not terribly involved in the dog, what about the DOG?
This is not an "age old question". In many families - it isn't a question at all. I had several dogs as a child - once they moved into our home, they were permanent family members and they stayed until they died. Not one exception.
As children, once we were six or seven we were expected to walk the dog, and to spend time with him or her. Feeding was on a rotating basis. We were given responsibilities connected with having the privilege of sharing a companion animal The time we spent built a bond and life long affection and devotion. All of my siblings are animal lovers and we keep an dog or cat as we would a family member.
I have raised my children and our companion animals - the same way. To consider the feeling of non human family members.
It sounds as though the OP acquired the dog when it was convenient for her and her son, and now wants to rid herself of him because something better came up.
Animals have feelings too.
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