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I have a 12 year old who wants to go to a party of a person she has just met. The friend is having a pool party at her home and my daughter really wants to go. This is somewhat hard for me because I do not know the friend or her family. I am curious to know what other parents would do in this case. Thanks in advance for your response.
Where did she meet this new friend?? Did she get a mailed invitation....or just this random new friend told her? Hopefully a school friend....otherwise I am, like you...I wouldn't drop my kid off at a random persons house. I think calling the parents, or having the child over after school first is appropriate.
I saw the helicopter parent comment ...Ridiculous, in this day and age a parent should know who their child's friends are, and who the parents are if you're leaving your child with a "new" friend....anything less is irresponsible imo Guess those folks who are consistently negated a concerned parent, do not read the papers.
I understand it may be a cultural difference however.
Downunder we tend to have our front doors stood open.
Folk walk in...hello.....anyone home....
But we don't need to be worried about being shot, down here. So there's that.
Contrary to popular belief, we don't randomly shoot people that come to our doors
But is is considered rude (as well as illegal) to enter a stranger's home uninvited. That could get you shot
I don't even answer my (locked) door if I'm not expecting anyone. I have cameras to observe who is there, but uninvited? Nope.
I vote for checking around with friends' parents--but without that, I'd most likely let my child go. 12 is old enough to know what's acceptable behavior.
If the child can swim and you go to the door and make sure parents are home; no problem--my kid can go. Assuming also they have a phone to contact me should they need to.
Well all this stuff about folk expecting privacy etc would make me MORE likely to rock up uninvited not less>>>what are they hiding
If it was just me, I wouldn't do this. I would call first, but its not about me, its about the safety of my child.
In a country where guns are everywhere, if it was my kid I was sending off to a stranger's embrace, a little bit of perceived rudeness wont stop me one bit from checking them out in person, unannounced, beforehand.
If it's a friend from school or an activity that she's involved in, let her go. Tell her before you drop her off that if she's uncomfortable or wants to leave for any reason, to call you.
If it's someone you don't know at all, or a kid who is 14 or older, you need to get some more info. Walk her to the door, introduce yourself to the parent and get a feel for it. Unless you think it's going to be dangerous, leave her there with the same instructions about calling you.
They have to get out in the world and start making decisions for themselves and assessing situations.
Well all this stuff about folk expecting privacy etc would make me MORE likely to rock up uninvited not less>>>what are they hiding
If it was just me, I wouldn't do this. I would call first, but its not about me, its about the safety of my child.
In a country where guns are everywhere, if it was my kid I was sending off to a stranger's embrace, a little bit of perceived rudeness wont stop me one bit from checking them out in person, unannounced, beforehand.
Hai. I bought Cake. etc.
Different cultures do things differently. It's not right or wrong, just different. Down Under, showing up unexpectedly might be just fine, but here in the States, it's considered rude. I'm somewhat of a helicopter parent, no doubt, but I would never show up at someone's house unexpected; it's simply not done here. I also would not wear shoes in the house if I visited a Canadian, nor would I present a hostess with four flowers if I were invited to a home in Japan. Cultural literacy is important in a global society.
To the OP, though, I also have a 12-year-old, and, as previously stated, I know that I'm on the protective side. I would call the home first to find out what the party will entail (will there be adult supervision the entire time? Will there be someone watching the kids in the pool? Etc.), then go in and chat with mom/dad when dropping her off. Then leave and be back at the appointed time. The only time I'd go further than that would be if it was a sleepover; our general rule is that we have to know the family before a sleepover, so I'd try to fit in a meetup/hangout session before the party. If impossible, I'd have to just use my best judgement at the time. I'm not a fan of sleepovers where I don't know the parents, but as the kids get older, sometimes they're appropriate.
Well all this stuff about folk expecting privacy etc would make me MORE likely to rock up uninvited not less>>>what are they hiding
If it was just me, I wouldn't do this. I would call first, but its not about me, its about the safety of my child.
In a country where guns are everywhere, if it was my kid I was sending off to a stranger's embrace, a little bit of perceived rudeness wont stop me one bit from checking them out in person, unannounced, beforehand.
Hai. I bought Cake. etc.
Call first. If you are bringing cake, how do I know how clean YOUR kitchen is?
First, I never answer my door to anyone I don't know. Sorry, just not happening! If you want to come over, call first.
Second, if you bring food, I had better know how clean your kitchen is. Otherwise, I will kindly accept it, but discretely dispose of it later, since I do know your cleanliness standards.
To the OP, do you trust your daughter?
Does she know how to swim?
If not, get her in lessons yesterday. If yes, let her go.
Go and introduce yourself to the mother or parent of the new friend and make it your business to kind of get a feeling and if it is a bad feeling then you can handle that but if they seem alright stay with her for about 30 minutes of the party and see how it goes and then you can let her know if she needs you then she can call you .
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