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Are your daughter's friends attending? Maybe some of the other parents can answer your concerns.
I'd start with this ^^^. She is only 12 years old.
I once outprocessed a military soldier that was being released from confinement to return home. I read through his record. He had been molesting his son and daughter for years and when they were 13 and 14 years old, they had a party at their house. The man attempted to molest more than one of the teens attending the party. He did time and was being released and rated at the highest level of the possibility to offend again. I was so creeped out by having to sit next to this deviant. Of course, the good thing was that it exposed him.
There was a teacher at the high school where we lived a few years ago and his son was inviting class mates over to use their tanning bed. As it turned out, the teacher was video taping the girls when they came over through a hole in the wall. He also did time.
I don't see why anyone would send a 12 year old to be at a house with total strangers that they knew nothing about. Yes, the chances of it being a dangerous situation are small but we are talking about a child.
I would have a long visit with them, definitely consider asking if they needed help with the party and ask around and see what the other parents knew about them.
When DD was in 7th grade we moved 2000 miles. Gone were our networks and the security of "knowing" her entire social circle.
If we had any hope of DD finding new friends, new social circle etc, we had to let her spread her wings and so we did. We dropped her at the homes of friends we did not know, we dropped her at B-day parties and with a group of kids at the movies or the mall. We armed her with a cell phone and the knowledge that she could call/text at any time and we would come get her. We retrieved her from a few sleepovers at midnight when she found she was not comfortable and wanted to come home.
In hindsight, I feel like we gave her some great tools. She had to learn to navigate new situations and she learned to listen to her inner-self when she was uncomfortable. She is now 17, has great people skills and is very good at accessing a situation and then deciding if she wants to be there or not.
She has a wide social group and I have only met a handful of the parents, I'm ok with this, she is doing just fine.
Wow, I can't believe the level of paranoia on display in this thread!
People won't open their doors for a stranger?
People throw food away because they don't know the cleanliness of the kitchen it was made in?
People don't like an impromptu visit from their friends? What is their definition of 'friend'?
I sure hope these comments are just the minority extreme!
Must be the same people who Lysol spray each and every surface of their homes every time someone touches something! lol
As for the 12 year-old going to a party; I don't see why not. When I was 12 my mother didn't even know where I was half the time! Summertime; out and about all over the place.
Wow, I can't believe the level of paranoia on display in this thread!
People won't open their doors for a stranger?
People throw food away because they don't know the cleanliness of the kitchen it was made in?
People don't like an impromptu visit from their friends? What is their definition of 'friend'?
I sure hope these comments are just the minority extreme!
Must be the same people who Lysol spray each and every surface of their homes every time someone touches something! lol
As for the 12 year-old going to a party; I don't see why not. When I was 12 my mother didn't even know where I was half the time! Summertime; out and about all over the place.
I kinda feel sorry for kids today.
Don't forget that everyone is a molester, too.
I'd open the door for friends and strangers and I am not afraid of their cake. I just don't keep sweets in the house so I would feel guilty about tossing it. And I don't like random drop ins. It doesn't make me think someone is psycho, but it feels invasive. It's never friends, they call first.
I don't like people dropping in unannounced either but in this case, I think parents would understand that you want to know where your kid would be.
When my daughter was about 13, she had a sleepover birthday party and a couple of the girls' mothers had never met me. One of them came to the door and introduced herself and said she just wanted to be sure that there was a responsible adult who would be home and no alcohol etc would be permitted. I totally understood her concern and assured her that I was there and over my dead body would 12 and 13 year-olds drink in my house.
I'd start with this ^^^. She is only 12 years old.
I once outprocessed a military soldier that was being released from confinement to return home. I read through his record. He had been molesting his son and daughter for years and when they were 13 and 14 years old, they had a party at their house. The man attempted to molest more than one of the teens attending the party. He did time and was being released and rated at the highest level of the possibility to offend again. I was so creeped out by having to sit next to this deviant. Of course, the good thing was that it exposed him.
There was a teacher at the high school where we lived a few years ago and his son was inviting class mates over to use their tanning bed. As it turned out, the teacher was video taping the girls when they came over through a hole in the wall. He also did time.
I don't see why anyone would send a 12 year old to be at a house with total strangers that they knew nothing about. Yes, the chances of it being a dangerous situation are small but we are talking about a child.
I would have a long visit with them, definitely consider asking if they needed help with the party and ask around and see what the other parents knew about them.
You think you can smoke out a child molester with a nice long talk? Or check their reputation? Cause child molesters tend to be very good at putting on a front. Boy you are so wrong. What you can do is fortify your child against abuse. Talking about boundaries, respecting theirs, giving them a phone to call if they need an out, being a safe place to talk, etc.
Location: In a little house on the prairie - literally
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse
I'd start with this ^^^. She is only 12 years old.
I once outprocessed a military soldier that was being released from confinement to return home. I read through his record. He had been molesting his son and daughter for years and when they were 13 and 14 years old, they had a party at their house. The man attempted to molest more than one of the teens attending the party. He did time and was being released and rated at the highest level of the possibility to offend again. I was so creeped out by having to sit next to this deviant. Of course, the good thing was that it exposed him.
There was a teacher at the high school where we lived a few years ago and his son was inviting class mates over to use their tanning bed. As it turned out, the teacher was video taping the girls when they came over through a hole in the wall. He also did time.
I don't see why anyone would send a 12 year old to be at a house with total strangers that they knew nothing about. Yes, the chances of it being a dangerous situation are small but we are talking about a child.
I would have a long visit with them, definitely consider asking if they needed help with the party and ask around and see what the other parents knew about them.
Wow, talk about scare mongering!!!!
Hint, this is a PARTY, meaning other kids will be there. Which is easily verified when the daughter is dropped off.
Nothing wrong with a quick introduction to the parent/parents who are there, and asking if any help is needed, but stop with this fear mongering scenarios! It is the same flippin' mindset which excuses a gun in every night stand.
I'd open the door for friends and strangers and I am not afraid of their cake. I just don't keep sweets in the house so I would feel guilty about tossing it. And I don't like random drop ins. It doesn't make me think someone is psycho, but it feels invasive. It's never friends, they call first.
There was a whole separate thread on people dropping in. It depends on who it is. If you are like me and have that friend you like but who you know won't leave for hours once she gets her foot in the door, you want them to call. I work and have a long commute so my free time is very precious to me. I may have set aside those hours to read or write or do something else, not listen to your son's divorce saga. Such friends have to be managed a bit.
I don't think it's unrealistic to expect parents to want to see where their kid will be. NOT an inspection, but just to introduce yourself.
I tend to get to know my kids' friends parents over the course of normal life. I guess I have never had a birthday party be the first interaction with a friend. Would I call the parents to meet? Probably not. I am probably less cautious than many. I know I can rely on my kids to call me at the first whiff of unsafe situations because they have. But I think anyone who contacts the parents before hand is smart.
Wow, I can't believe the level of paranoia on display in this thread!
People won't open their doors for a stranger?
People throw food away because they don't know the cleanliness of the kitchen it was made in?
People don't like an impromptu visit from their friends? What is their definition of 'friend'?
I sure hope these comments are just the minority extreme!
Must be the same people who Lysol spray each and every surface of their homes every time someone touches something! lol
As for the 12 year-old going to a party; I don't see why not. When I was 12 my mother didn't even know where I was half the time! Summertime; out and about all over the place.
I kinda feel sorry for kids today.
Why would I open my door for a stranger? If I don't know the person at the door, they can leave a note, call first, or go away.
My son once had a classmate who, by the look of his clothes and face, bathed about once every 2 weeks. Had his clothes washed less than that. The family lived not too far from me. Yard was mowed once or twice a summer. Mom and dad both worked, were very "busy" and just did not put a priority on yard work. They brought home cooked food when DH died. While I appreciated the gesture, and thanked them profusely, I did not consume that food. I assumed they also did not put a priority on keeping a clean kitchen.
And impromptu visits....do not like them. I usually have a list of things I need to get accomplished in my very short weekends. Every few weeks that includes deep cleaning my house, which means I probably won't change out of ratty shorts and braless t shirt, and sorry, but I don't care how well someone knows me, I don't want them seeing me like that! Text first. The important people have my info.
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