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Get your son to a therapist asap. That is learned behavior from something in his life and you need to find out what and put a stop to it immediately. He may be the victim of an abuser, or he may have got it from internet/tv. I hope, for everyone's sake, he just got it from schoolyard talk or (unlikely) just came up with it himself.
We do have to remember the similar circumstance of Josh Duggar......it is tricky.
Is your son going to be labeled a sex offender for the rest of his life ? If so, his life is effectively over for many situations as an adult.
All concerned need counseling and asap but I would suggest and encourage that all parties remain calm and not get hysterical here. I would take my son off, just the two of you, and speak with him quietly and firmly. I would listen to what he says about the situation but do not press him. It may take some time to get a clearer picture. Be patient.
The same needs to be done with the daughter, as well, either by the mother or the stepmother, if they are competent to do so.
You all need to remain calm though and DO NOT sweep this under the rug. YOu all compare notes and then decide what to do. Just tread carefully and firmly.
The police or cps may do more harm than good. A therapist is compelled, by law, to report abuse. Also a teacher or pastor. It is a minefield, trying to do no harm to either child but to get to the bottom of it.
Remember, kids today, unless they are strictly monitored are bombarded by sexual innuendo, suggestive pictures and movies, taught sex education at an early age in the schools and often do not have parents that are as attentive as they need to be in this day and time, for whatever reasons.
They also receive a lot of stuff through their friends. My grandson, almost 12, told me about a sexually explicit video that someone had on their Iphone and a lot of the kids were looking at it. This was taking place at school (middle school) and girls, as well as, boys were looking at it. Of course, he assured me HE didn't look at it.........yeah, right. Then we talked about what all this sexuality means to him.....std's, pressure on girls, early pregnancies...... Then he told me he had heard all this in the first grade......I said, "good for you. Now you are hearing it again......."
I hope some of this makes some sense. Good luck to all of you.
So what you are saying is to not get help because the therapist might report the abuse? Omg are you a dugger? The therapist does not have to report abuse if they believe the victim is being properly protected. They only have to if they believe the child is still in danger. That is why they need to get that sorted out, that and because it's what needs to happen first.
And a heart to heart with the kids is going to help you figure it all out? Ha! Give me a break. They need a professional.
Yes let's sweep this under the rug so the older boy might face legal consequences (but likely won't). Let's forget about the consequences of the abuse on the little girl. After all, I'm sure she will forget it and not have it impact her at all.
Do not bring this to the attention of CPS or the police.
Do not involve the family court system.
Try to negotiate with your ex a temporary change in custody. If the daughter wants to be with you, let her. If she wants to stay with mom, let her. But, keep everything else as normal as possible (no changes in schools, alteration of extracurricular activities, etc.)
Find a discreet therapist for both children. I would do a female therapist for daughter and a male therapist for son just to figure out how long this has been going on and how, if at all, the children have been impacted.
If it is bad, try to have custody legally changed.
Yes, by all means just keep it on the down low.
You do realize that any competent therapist has to report this if they feel that the child is in danger. I don't know how they can be discrete about a thing like this. The children have most certainly been impacted and it will do them no good to act like this is something that has to be kept secret. It should be brought out in the open and dealt with. If we are to believe the father, there is nothing going on when he has the children that would explain this behavior. This means that there may be something going on when the children are with their mother. Why would she say 'that your son is gay?" Is it not her son as well? Doesn't she want to know what is really going on? I think that you need to find out who the mother has around the children and if there is cause for concern. He may have been just experimenting, acting out what he saw in porn or he may have been abused. You need to get to the bottom of this.
Yes let's sweep this under the rug so the older boy might face legal consequences (but likely won't). Let's forget about the consequences of the abuse on the little girl. After all, I'm sure she will forget it and not have it impact her at all.
Siblings have "played doctor" and such things since the beginning of time. When there is no violence, there is generally no "impact." The propensity for negative consequences for ALL involved is MUCH greater with the involvement of CPS or other so-called authorities.
Siblings have "played doctor" and such things since the beginning of time. When there is no violence, there is generally no "impact." The propensity for negative consequences for ALL involved is MUCH greater with the involvement of CPS or other so-called authorities.
This is an 11 year old boy and a 7 year old girl. The age of the boy and the age gap makes this NOT "playing doctor".
I don't know if you have had kids in this age range. But my 10'year old son as started having sexual dreams. I asked a professional if that is normal and was told, absolutely. My 8 year old girl is horrified by any of his boy parts. He won't go near her girl private. They go through great pains to hide their nudity from eachother, even though the still share a bed room. Even though they used to bathe together.
They are both even uncomfortable seeing me or my husband nude, even though we never made an issue of it and they have seen us nude from the beginning of time (we don't walk around naked but don't lock the bedroom door when we are showering or changing). Now they run out if they walk in on us nude. Someday they will learn to knock.
This is an 11 year old boy and a 7 year old girl. The age of the boy and the age gap makes this NOT "playing doctor".
The absence of violence is more relevant than the age gap when it comes to predicting possible negative impact. Involving CPS or similar fanatics is playing Russian roulette with those kids' lives. They create ten problems for every one they remedy.
The absence of violence is more relevant than the age gap when it comes to predicting possible negative impact. Involving CPS or similar fanatics is playing Russian roulette with those kids' lives. They create ten problems for every one they remedy.
I don't think they should involve CPS unless the mom refuses to protect the daughter.
Violence? Actually the absence of violence shows that the girl has been groomed and this has been going on a long time.
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