Teen becoming more defiant

[JanND]

Originally Posted by Sandsam

My 17 yr old daughter has become more and more defiant as she closes in on age 18. I have no control over her whatsoever. She's always been a handful but lately I find myself looking forward to the day when she no longer lives under my roof.


It's been a tough night. I am a single parent and find I just can't do this anymore. The disrespect, the lack of effort, the blatant defiance. I end up in tears many nights over the way she acts. I am tempted to pull her senior trip from her, but I wonder if that would be over-reacting and result in even more trouble?


Does anyone else find their teen more and more defiant as 18 approaches? Or I am just a terrible parent?

The fact is this is an extremely tough age, especially if you are just now putting your foot down.

I think that you have to pick your battle....if she is doing the basics...school work, you can see the floor in her room, she eats her meals at home...that may be your goal right now.

If she is constantly arguing, saying mean things or making any threats than she better earn that student trip.
Fact is, she should be trying to earn money towards it anyway. My grand kids all had these trips, upwards of 4,000.00...We sure had to pitch in, but they had too earn bout half.



Best advice I ever got was try not to take anything they say personal...now that is very hard when you have a defiant teen screaming I hate you.

That's where Oscar quality acting comes in...You look them square in the eye, and say "I am sorry you feel that way...Now finish cleaning your room in the next hour or you are not leaving the house Friday night."

Never react with anger...react matter of factually...reward good behavior only, stand your ground. This is where most of us stumble. When they're grounded, so are we. But, consistency is key...when she does A ...B happens.

Hold you ground, never throw out empty threats....do exactly what you threaten...consistency

Never miss an opportunity to praise your child. "Wow, thanks for setting the table"

And above all things, laugh with them, talk with them..critical.

Go do things, subtle things. I had four son's, such different personalities. I found with my oldest, if I took him shopping I would maneuver us in front of those funny greeting cards...we would be belly laughing in moments...connection and laughter is so healing.

You are surely needing to do something for yourself, being a single parent is extremely hard, I've been in the trenches. Find outlets, coffee with your friends, join support groups, exercise, anything that gives you time and space away, even for a small amount of time allows you to regroup...and her too.

Lots of online information and support. Good luck to you

[Just A Guy]

Kids treat parents the way they allow themselves to be treated.

I'm betting mom foots the bill for a car, cell phone, and a bunch of other extra miscellaneous expenses. Not to mention the senior trip.

Mom's the source of her bad behavior. Mom can fix also by setting up boundaries and limits and not enabling her daughter with financial resources.

[westwind15]

I feel your pain. I just posted a thread about my 18 year old daughter. People I know with difficult daughters tell me that they will be back to being nice again in their early to mid 20's. I'm trying to make it that long without going insane.

[DevilDocWife]

Been there and done that with my nephew. I have nothing except prayers for you and your situation.

In the end - KNOW - this too shall pass.
My mother said I didn't become a person again until I was about 23. Nephew ended up moving out at 19. Supports himself with a job waiting tables and still has no car. It isn't what I wanted for him but for now, at 22, it is enough.
And over the Christmas break when we were together - we received an apology!
Never give up hope.