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Gradually now my nearly 12 yr old son (in a split home) has some bad behavior I am trying to understand. I want to ask other parents what was the final CAUSE of similar behavior? or what treatment??
The behavior, It would happen rarely a year ago where for no reason he would be 'overstimulated' and throw toys at the wall or throw them at siblings or friends playing who were all having fun. He would calm down out of this after having a good meal so I suspected a diet related cause.
At school there are bullys but now he expects and wants the fight, any provocation? and he swings and gets in trouble. He sort of has a tough personality now, defiant, etc. He used to be nice and happy and enjoy playing with others.
He may have whats called Authority Defiance, but assuredly not ADD nor ADHD, but when he gets into one of these moods or episodes, he will act ADHD. He likes art and can spend very long periods of time doing something or in video games spend a long time to solve some 'level'.
Sometimes he can say Im hungry! there is food in the kitchen? I dont care, I want something else! what would you like? shut up, I dont know! Im hungry!!!! How about a McBurger? NO! kfc? NO! chinese food? NO! Im hungry!!! does cereal sound good? NO! shut up!! Im hungry! When its gotten this bad, I get a call from the school the next day (or 2 days after) saying he got nausea and threw up and at times, he would be crying when I got there saying his head hurts or his stomach hurts and the teacher got him in trouble because he couldnt do the work and they thought he was goofing off. Go to the doctor? a cheap 10 second check to say: well have bland food maybe its a virus, so rest, lots of water and sports drinks etc. he is fine. 3-8 weeks later it repeats.
I try to tell the doctor about the pattern, maybe we need some other tests? It doesnt seem to register
now that the aggressive behavior keeps up, he talks back to teachers (no, i dont care, shut up) who are setting up the psychologist exams to blame ? with 'their' findings. I dont know what it is that's bothering him and the root cause of this. And am not sure what triggers it, just looking for any TYPICAL actual case history thats caused this kind of behavior, that could be tried, again with a focus on diet; or even possible medical tests like a blood panel, but looking for what? Doctors seem unwilling to do that but I want answers and am very worried. thanks for any help
Is it possible that his blood sugar is too low? A physical exam may be in order. Does he eat a healthy diet? Can you anticipate his hunger and get him to eat nutrient-rich, natural foods that help satisfy hunger for as long as possible. You can try carbohydrates as these may have a calming effect. My granddaughter certainly has more problems when she is hungry than when she eats well.
You should talk to a behavior therapist as well. Note that you have not given much information about what changed. Is the split in households recent? That could be affecting him.
Children don't want to be thought of as aggressive or atypical. He needs help discovering what is unbalanced in his life. Since he is capable of calming down, be his advocate. Don't give up.
All of the food choices you wrote about are junk food. If that represents his diet, I would make some healthier choices. I would set up a food routine and negotiate healthier meals he actually will eat. Seeing a nutritionist may help.
His misbehavior probably started when he was younger, but it's only a problem since he's too big to control anymore.
We suspect my daughter has blood sugar issues, because she gets angry really easy when she hasn't eaten, and we get into a similar cycle of "you need to eat. I don't want too!!" She's told us afterwards that she wants to calm down, but she just can't. We are working to have her tested for this.
You mentioned that he is not ADHD, but he has some similar issues. He may have some executive functioning issues. ie: difficulty w/impulse control, managing emotions, problem solving, organization, etc. There are strategies to help with that, if this is the case. A good book is "Smart but Scattered." I've read the original one, but they also have one for teens. I haven't read that one yet.
My daughter was having some major behavioral issues when she was 6-8 yo. We used a program called "Total Transformation." It's geared for teens, but a lot of the steps can be used with younger kiddos. He made a HUGE difference in her behavior and how we interact with her. For the most part, she is able to keep it together. She will get upset about something, and go to her room and calm down. Before she would take 1-4 hours to calm down. The only time we see longer outburst is when she has not eaten.
Last thing I'd mention is checking into PANDAS, especially since you mentioned that it just started not to long ago. There has been controversy over if it's real or not, but some recent research is indicating that it is a true issue, and a blood test can identify it. Basically, it is an inflammation in the brain from an infection, and it can be treated with antibiotics. I mention that because I only heard of this recently, and my daughter had a lot of the symptoms that indicate PANDAS. Her change in behavior was very quick. We just moved and have a new dr, and she did not have much information PANDAS, so we haven't gone further. Here's the link to a website with more info. What is PANDAS?
I know there are doctor's out there that specialize in it.
We had my daughter in therapy from about the age of 7 until we moved last summer (she's 10 1/2 now). She's doing much better now.
All of the food choices you wrote about are junk food. If that represents his diet, I would make some healthier choices. I would set up a food routine and negotiate healthier meals he actually will eat. Seeing a nutritionist may help.
His misbehavior probably started when he was younger, but it's only a problem since he's too big to control anymore.
I have seen this happen time and time again. Sometimes, parents will even think that a behavior is "cute" or "funny" when a child is 3 or 4 or 5 and laugh or reinforce it in other ways, or just ignore it and not try to stop it. But when the child gets older or stronger those same behaviors (throwing toys, pushing, yelling, having tantrums, whatever) are not cute or funny anymore.
Maybe this is the case with the OP's child and maybe not, but it happens far more often than most people realize.
Why do you say that he is "assuredly" not ADD/ADHD?
If it's because he can focus for a long time, please understand that ADD/ADHD is not the inability to focus but the inability to CONTROL that focus. I have severe ADD and I can work for a long time on something that gives me a foothold for my brain. I read the entire final book of the Harry Potter series in one day, just sitting in a hammock outside my apartment.
In any case, get him to the doctor for a full blood panel and if that doesn't show anything significant, it's time to get him to a therapist to work on his self-control.
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