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I knew parents that always bought two identical presents, one for their child to keep and one for their child to give to the birthday child. I always disagreed with that.
Whatever will they do when they learn the hard concept that a birthday is about the person who was born on that day, and not them lol.
I have always bought my child a present at the same time we shopped for the birthday present. Amazingly, he has turned out to be pretty normal so far. I just found it too difficult to deal with explaining it when he was a toddler - sorry, but 3 year olds don't have the cognitive ability to fully understand these things - and it just kind of persisted as he got older. He doesn't seem to care anymore about getting a present when someone else does, but if we are in the toy store anyway, I do buy him something. I just don't think getting new toys is going to turn him into a serial killer or drug addict or something.
How about an entitled brat? It seems like a really bad habit to get into. I don't know about the OP's 3 year old. Mine never had a problem with other kids' parties. Maybe it would be best to wait a few more months or a year, but eventually, she's going to have to learn that sometimes it isn't about her.
How about an entitled brat? It seems like a really bad habit to get into. I don't know about the OP's 3 year old. Mine never had a problem with other kids' parties. Maybe it would be best to wait a few more months or a year, but eventually, she's going to have to learn that sometimes it isn't about her.
Nah. I bet there's no correlation between buying a gift for a 2-3 year old when buying a party gift for another child, and spoiled entitled brattiness. At that age, no harm no foul.
If this is happening at 7-8, and you cannot seem to reason with your child to make them understand it's not all about them, then I think you have some problems on your hands.
Ages 4-6? I reserve judgement, as every family/child develops at a slightly different rate
My son had huge anxiety about going to parties. We would go, he would melt down we would leave. He eventually was fine going to parties. You deal with meltdowns as they come. Every parent goes through it. If she has a tantrum, apologize to the host and leave.
If a child is too young to understand the concept of celebrating the birthday of a friend, or can't handle the excitement of a party, or wants a present because the birthday child is getting one, then stay home. It isn't fair to the host, or the birthday child, to attend. There will be many more parties in life, and plenty of time to let the little ones learn it won't always be about them.
OP, I get the appeal of attending when you're new to the area. I think you should consider inviting a classmate over for a playdate, and meet parents in a less hectic environment.
Please forgive me OP, but I'm not understanding asking your three year old whether they like the child or want to attend. At that age the invitations are sent to the parents of the kids, and whether they decide to attend has more to do with family schedules rather than their three year old's personal preferences. If this is an issue now, it's going to get so much more complicated as your child gets older and the birthday parties become more selective.
For those that say, do not discuss this with your child or have her make the decision: I have always discussed upcoming events with her to make sure there are no surprises on the day and that she knows what to expect. In this case, I would like her to attend the party so that she gets to play with her friends and as someone said, it is important for connections and future relationships. If I didn't talk to her about it beforehand, wouldn't it be a disaster if we showed up to the birthday party and she has a meltdown due to the issues I mentioned? I would much rather talk to her about it before and try to have her understand why we should go, and if she still does not want to go, then we don't go (I do not want to force her).
And about the present, only the birthday child should get the present (if we decide to attend the party).
You are going to drive yourself insane. I'm not trying to be rude or mean. If your child has a meltdown, she has a meltdown. They do that. She's three!
Just the other day my mother told me a story related to this topic. She said my youngest brother, who was 4 at the time, was invited to a birthday party just down the street. She told him excitedly about his invitation a few days before. He said, "Are Mommies going to be there?" She replied no, she would just walk him over to the house and then come back and pick him up later. She said he looked absolutely stunned and after a long silence said simply, "Well, then, I won't go."
She said she discussed it calmly with him a few times later and he stuck to his guns — no Mommy, not going.
She said she decided not to force the issue. If he wasn't ready to socialize in this way, she wasn't going to force him.
My brother eventually played football and earned a master's degree at a university across the country from "home." He now has a happy marriage, two kids in college, a fine job as a manager in a social service agency, and is still dedicated to playing several team sports. So I think he turned out OK in spite of being unwilling to do birthday parties at age 4.
If you have ANY qualms that she will pull this kind of stuff at the party, it means she is not ready, and you should not take her.
So this is the ultimate question that I have. I'm fine with her not going if she's not ready. But how does she become ready? Is it just something that "clicks" one day? And if so, I'll just wait. Or is it the case that if I don't expose her to these things, she will never learn that other people have birthday parties too and she has to accept it. If it's something that requires exposure in order for her to learn and be ready, I would rather start now and if her meltdown prolongs, we will just leave the party.
Every child is different, you have to listen to your gut. For my son he needed the 'practice' of going and understanding the party was a fun activity he didn't have to worry about. It was always with good friends and I would discuss it with the parent before.
My daughter loved parties and had to go to every party and could care less if it was about her, if I was going to be there etc. She had the time of her life.
You are her mom and know her best.
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It seems like a really bad habit to get into. I don't know about the OP's 3 year old. Mine never had a problem with other kids' parties. Maybe it would be best to wait a few more months or a year, but eventually, she's going to have to learn that sometimes it isn't about her.
