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I would definitely tell the school counselor. She can tell the mother. Because you are right, something is going on and it needs to be addressed. By telling the counselor you are telling an unbiased person who is not close to it. Whereas if the mother is the problem and you tell her, who knows what will happen? The counselor is also required to document it and so it won't be swept under the rug.
good point,,,if the mother is the problem,,,,then this will be feeding the monster..
I would definitely tell the school counselor. She can tell the mother. Because you are right, something is going on and it needs to be addressed. By telling the counselor you are telling an unbiased person who is not close to it. Whereas if the mother is the problem and you tell her, who knows what will happen? The counselor is also required to document it and so it won't be swept under the rug.
Well, first of all, this reminded me of an episode of 7th Heaven called Cutters.
Secondly, you know of this information now, so you have to tell the girl's parent(s) or the school. I wouldn't say your daughter's friend is making her be codependent, it's common for friends to want to help each other, even in situations that they can't. I wouldn't exactly call what this girl is going through to be "teen angst drama" because that sounds incredibly patronizing.
After you tell another adult about this, whether it be the girl's parents or the school (I would recommend the school as others said, so maybe the girl can be put in some school counseling as well as other counseling and such), you should talk to your own daughter about this and explain how some people need more help when it comes to these issues. Make sure your daughter knows that she can't control people and we can't always help our friends like we wish we could, sometimes an adult/professional needs to come along and do this. But how we can still support our friends in times like these (with the friend getting help, not the friend dealing with these issues on her own without anyone knowing).
Talk to her about how her and her friend are different, like in how they deal with some things (this is a 7th Heaven scene). Hopefully the girl will be able to get some help soon and your daughter can still be friends with her.
I would definitely tell the school counselor. She can tell the mother. Because you are right, something is going on and it needs to be addressed. By telling the counselor you are telling an unbiased person who is not close to it. Whereas if the mother is the problem and you tell her, who knows what will happen? The counselor is also required to document it and so it won't be swept under the rug.
I would agree with this. I would also discontinue this friendship. I think your daughter may need to see a counselor after this experience. Not long term, just to vent about what happened to an unbiased third party.
This family is one that I would avoid. I went through this when my daughter was 14. She girl was not a cutter, but there were other acting out issues. The mother was more interested in men than her daughter.
Telling the mother did nothing.
Oh good lord. Don't end the friendship. Because you CAN'T. You can't keep your daughter away from this girl - they go to school together. In any case, it's a good learning opportunity for your daughter and you want everything in the open and not hidden away.
First, I would have a long talk with your daughter about boundaries, and also about the fact that constantly trying to "save" someone is often an act of selfishness - the "rescuer" gets an ego boost from it more than they help the friend who's strugglin. You need to call the guidance counselor and make sure that she will tell the other girl's mother and also set up an appointment for your daughter so that she can discuss with the counselor, and the counselor can help her brainstorm about how she can help her friend without getting pulled down or enabling. You're her mom - she's not going to want to listen to you on this one.
You've got a teenager. Just be realistic and accept that there will be drama. Just teach your daughter how to deal with it in a functional and compassionate manner.
It's a tough situation. I agree that this is too much for a 12 year old to handle alone. Not just my daughter, but her friend.
I do know that the mom knows about the eating disorder already and, according to my daughter, trying to get her help for that. From the sound of it, the cutting started as a result of the girl being upset about the anorexia being discovered. As such, it's possible the cutting will be discovered before too long.
When I mentioned having the girl talk to her guidance counselor, my daughter said that her friend doesn't like their assigned guidance counselor, so I'm hesitant to do that since there is no trust there. But I suppose I should do it anyway, or see if the other counselor at the school can contact her parents.
We did talk last night a lot about how cutting is a symptom of something very serious, and that it can take YEARS to work it out. I told her about one of my mother's friends that had a daughter who became a cutter in high school, and had been doing it for a long while before being discovered - the girl saw a therapist for 5-6 years before she finally stopped cutting. YEARS.
Some of you said, "if it was your daughter, you'd want to know." And you are absolutely right. I would.
I'll make some calls today.
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