Upset over finding out I am having a daughter. (teenage, baby, pregnancy)

[KH02]

If it makes you feel any better, while I do have boys, I also have a girl. I was very much a tomboy growing up and still am. My daughter is as girly as can get. She loves dresses and jewelry and doing her hair. We have learned together. I love her so much for who she is and she even give me fashion advice. Since I lack in that dept. You will be surprised. I wouldn't wish her to be a tomboy because I love who she is. Girly or not doesn't make a difference

[Katana49]

Originally Posted by Momtobe24

I know from the topic it sounds horrible, but it is true. I am 24 and have been married two years to a wonderful man. To be quite honest I really would prefer a boy. It may sound really cliche but to be quite honest I really am not very "girly' or are really into typical girl things and it bothers me knowing I am having a girl. I grew up with two sisters who were very annoying and frankly can't stand so it's not as if I don't know what it is like growing up with girls considering they are both younger and I helped raise them.

I also realize the gender is out of my control and it was a possibility but I really hoped it was a boy, and when I recently found out I was having a girl I admit I cried. My husband says he would have preferred a boy as well but we can still have a good time raising a girl which I am sure he is right, but it doesn't really help me. Again, I know it sounds horrible, but I can't help how I feel.

I'm a male. For a bit of background, boys runs in my family. I only have 1 female cousin on my Dad's side, and 6 male cousins. Same situation on my Mom's side. So, I fully expected my wife and I would have a boy, and my whole life, I always viewed having kids from the perspective of having a boy as well.

We had a girl. Whoops!

Completely changed all my perspectives on what having kids would be like, because I knew nothing about little girls. A boy, I was prepared for, I knew I could do that.

Fast forward a couple years and I have a 3 yr old girl. She's the world to me. And something happened along the way that I wasn't and never expected... Having a girl made me a better man, and I don't think that would have happened if I had a boy.

For all the years I grew up with male/female stereotypes, you internalize that stuff. I knew what boys were expected to like and do, and I knew what girls were expected to be like.

I found that those expectations were rather limiting to my daughter. As a father, I don't like the idea of anything limiting what she can or can't accomplish or do, certainly not "just because" that's what society says is proper for her. She made me reexamine a lot of beliefs I held and I'm a better person for it.

My daughter is very girly, loves dresses and being a princess... but is also interested in soccer, and helping me in the garage or watching me fix things.

I'm telling you all this because I think you'll find that, even though you were hoping for a boy, maybe even expecting one, your daughter will enrich your lives in ways you haven't even dreamed of. You're not missing out on anything by not having a boy.

[COCUE]

Hi OP.. totally normal and common to have"gender disappointment" when you are having a baby that there is a phrase for it. Google it and you will see that. Perhaps this is not the best forum to talk about this. They're are probably 100s of TTC and having a baby forums that you could post this and you will have guild relate.

I've never really had gender disappointment with my kids, got my wish every single time but to be fair my primary wish was a healthy baby and far 2nd was a girl which I got 2 of them then a boy which I also got. I do have quite a few friends who had gender disappointment like you but a common occurrence is that this lasted only till they had their babies or soon after and the fell in love with that particular baby even when they didn't have similar interests.

[Unsettomati]

You had - and have - no business reproducing unless you are fully receptive to raising a child of either sex.

[stan4]

I was never into girly things.

My daughter is.

I don't hold that against her.

You don't have kids so they enjoy YOUR interests, hobbies, etc.

Besides, I've learned that my son enjoys lots of things...you just have to expose them to everything and see what sticks.

My daughter likes sports, too.

[gentlearts]

This is an honest reaction. Nothing wrong with that. I've heard of women who have only boys or only girls, and keep trying for one of the other gender. Imagine if you had 7 girls and are expecting #8? You have a few more chances for a boy later.

My children were born before ultrasounds were routine. I was convinced that my 4th and last child was going to be a girl, since I already had two boys and one girl, and my husband didn't have a daughter. The baby was a boy, who was rushed to NICU with complications. My momentary disappointment was quickly replaced with worry and fear. He is our pride and joy, and I wouldn't trade him for anything.

When your daughter is born healthy, pink and beautiful, you will forget that you wanted a boy. She will enjoy the things that you and your husband enjoy. If you aren't a fussy girl, then she won't be either.

[HighFlyingBird]

You don't have a child to mirror you. You could have a boy who is "girly". You adjust to them...if you are any type of parent. I don't normally do this...but, come on. Want a healthy baby, be glad you could get pregnant. Don't be so immature.

[Senah]

People feel what they feel - when posters say "you shouldn't feel this way, it is awful" you are trying to control an emotional response which you can't. Basically you are saying "I'm judging you in terms of what I think is the social norm which is best, and you should just keep quiet and either lie or say nothing at all." Ridiculous. IMO.

On another note, I am one of two kids (a girl, my brother is a bit younger). I grew up wanting to do anything out doors, so my dad and I spent a lot of time together. Sitting in duck blinds, planting trees on the farm, driving the tractor. He taught me all kinds of things, and pretty much every time we got the chance to travel, we went somewhere fishing or backpacking. My brother turned out to be more like my mom - they liked relaxing vacations with hotels and pools/beaches, etc. Hanging out and reading or watching movies. I was definitely the tomboy, and while I as an adult (pretty much in college) became someone who appreciates a nice black dress and some make-up now and then, I basically live to hunt, fish, hike, and forage.

So, you never know what you're going to get in terms of what a kid is interested in. However, I would say that whatever your expectations are of them will certainly guide them. Here in Montana, I see just as many pictures at the big box outdoors store of young girls out deer and turkey hunting with their mom or dad as their brothers. In the same vein, I have a friend who throws princess parties for her daughter every year, tells her that she is "beautiful" and has nice clothes, and also that she wouldn't like hunting or fishing because it is boring and dirty. So...she's a bit of a girly girl. However, when she gets out occasionally with her dad and the rest of us, she is like a kid in a candy shop running around in the forest foraging or leaning about hunting.

I would spend time thinking about (regardless of the sex) what activities you would like to share with your child and what you would like to teach them. I think that is an exciting thing to think about - all the knowledge you have to impart to your kid, and that they will love learning from and with you.

[Hedgehog_Mom]

Originally Posted by Momtobe24

I understand what you are saying. It's just I worry about getting a "girly girl". I don't know much at all about fashion, or even makeup really. And I worry she will be one of those kind of girls. Not to even mention all the crazy emotions to deal with in her teen years. Boys are a lot easier to handle and far less problems.

You don't have to worry about her being a girly girl and wanting to learn about fashion and makeup from you. There are plenty of ways to find out about fashion and makeup. When I was a teenager and wanted to learn that kind of stuff, I checked out books from the library about it. Now, you can find tens of thousands of tutorials online for any look that you want to try.

All you need to do is provide her a warm and loving environment with the freedom to become who she wants to be. If that's a tomboy or it's a girly girl, either one is fine.

And I don't think boys are easier than girls as teenagers, the issues are different but there are still plenty of issues. The good thing is that by the time your daughter is a teenager, you will have grown up enough to deal with a teenager in a calm and loving manner. I was a year younger than you when I had my first baby and I have to say it's amazing how much we mature in our 30's. The idea of dealing with a teenager used to scare me. Now I feel like I can handle everything that comes my way.

[RaleighLass]

OP - I get what you feel, but honestly, you are so young, and have much to learn, that you will look back on this one day and realize it never really mattered. What matters when it comes down to it, is that your child is healthy, happy, and well adjusted. What is you have a mini me of yourself? Will you be disappointed? Maybe this is your chance to get the relationship with females right.


Mothers relationships with daughter can very difficult at times when the daughter is becoming more independent. But, at the end of the day, if you love and respect her, and raise her right, she will be there for you, and you for her, and she could be your best friend.


So, take care of yourself, be happy you are having a baby, prepare to welcome her with love and appreciation, and enjoy the time you will have together. My youngest is going off to college and I will miss her terribly.