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Do you regret not having a 2nd child? Or has life been pretty good with just one? What would you say, in your experience, have been the pros and cons?
We are in our early-mid 30s, have a 4.5 year old boy and thinking about a second - basically just to give him a sibling since he's only got grandparents aside form us (my husband is an only child and my only brother lives far away). We do have a lot of friends with kids his age that we regularly see and I havent seen him suffer form not having a sibling yet and when I ask if he wants a brother or sister he says he doesnt.
My husband definitely wants another and is great with our son, but I am leaning more towards just the one we have. I love our son dearly but I do not enjoy cooking, cleaning or really any part of childcare (bathing, feeding, etc). I feel like we are in a good place now with just the three of us and have a good life. We both work full time, have enough money and time for what we need/want and are not super stressed. I like having alone/relax time. But.... sometimes I wonder if I am making the right decision..
We are in our early-mid 30s, have a 4.5 year old boy and thinking about a second - basically just to give him a sibling since he's only got grandparents aside form us (my husband is an only child and my only brother lives far away). We do have a lot of friends with kids his age that we regularly see and I havent seen him suffer form not having a sibling yet and when I ask if he wants a brother or sister he says he doesnt.
My husband definitely wants another and is great with our son, but I am leaning more towards just the one we have.
I agree that "just giving someone a sibling" when another child is not really wanted by the parents is a very bad idea. But there is more to this situation than that.
You say your husband wants another child. How do you think you would feel if you strongly wanted a second child, and your husband said no, it was too much trouble and he was happy with things the way they are?
Having children is not the kind of thing you can compromise on. You have them or you don't. But think about it. By default, the person who does not want more (or any) children generally gets his or her way. You even speak about this as "your decision." But that seems pretty hard on your partner.
You've given all your reasons for not wanting another child. What are his reasons for wanting one?
You've given all your reasons for not wanting another child. What are his reasons for wanting one?
Well he is an only child and always wanted siblings so that is a large part of why he wants another child. I'm not really sure what his other reasons are.. I think he just thinks itll be lonely just the three of us, especially for my son.
You say you don't like cooking, cleaning, or child care. Well, cooking and cleaning are part of life whether you have kids or not, and I hope that since you both work full-time, you are sharing these duties. Since the child belongs to both of you, I also hope that your husband is pulling his weight in child care as well.
If you are doing the lion's share, I can understand why you would be especially reluctant to throw another child into the mix. Have you talked to him about your needs and expectations in these areas?
I'm not the best person to give pros and cons for only children as I have six siblings and can't imagine life without them, especially since our mother died when I was 30, and Dad is now 92. I'd feel lost without my sisters, especially. And I have three children of my own. For a while I thought we would only have one (due to infertility) and I would have coped with that, but I really wanted more. But that was me. All sizes of families can work. Or not work. Some only children are lonely and long for siblings; others don't. I will add that you can't tell just from your son's stating at age 4 that he doesn't want a brother or sister, that he would not actually enjoy having one or be thankful for one as an adult.
I am not doing the lion's share; hubby does alot. But I want things for myself (travel, career, relax) - I feel like I have to be honest with myself when deciding whether or not to bring another child into the world. I don't know if its worth the sacrifice for me.. I only see the benefit to my son but for me I only see work, tiredness, stress...
I have one son who is 12 now. He has asked for a brother or sister but that has passed. There are times that have been rough in my past where money was an issue and having only one child really helped keep expenses down. Being he is the only grand child so far he pretty much gets what he wants from grandma and grandpa.
He also gets a lot more for birthdays and christmass being an only child. More room in the back when we are on vacations. He has cousins and friends he can play with and in my experience it seems siblings usually dont get a long to well till they are adult age anyhow. Being an only child, hanging out around mostly adults and not being sheltered has led him to be more mature. Most adults like to talk with him because he can carry on a conversation about more than lil kid stuff (guns, hunting, camping, fishing, gaming exe...)
Once he is older he will have a chance to make his own family and will eventually go his own way in life not relying so much on his parents or anyone else as most adults should. He will learn who he can rely on in times of need even with out having a sibling.
Being able to only focus on only him should help him do a lil better in life as he will be able to get more support while he is in college n all that. My best friend growing up was an only child and it never seemed to bother him. Then again I have never asked what he thought as an only child. I guess you can't miss something you never had
I have an only, and I'd say I'm still 50/50 on whether I wish I had another. Some things are great - we have a very special bond and while it would also be great with another kid, it wouldn't be what we have. I can afford to do more with him and rarely say no when he wants something.
But I also think having a sibling would be good for him - he's not really spoiled but he can be very introverted in a way that I think a sibling would have changed. And I worry about down the road, and not having a larger network. I have one sibling and I'm close with her and her kids but its not the same thing to have cousins as it is to have someone who grew up in the same house.
I do think that the only reason to have another child is because you want to parent another child, not because you want an existing child to have a sibling. I mean, having a larger family is in part to see the relationship between your kids because that is a special thing for a parent. But it still has to come from the parent's desire for another kid, not because they think a child has to have a sibling/
If that is your reason to have another child, do not do it.
This. You don't know how he would relate to a younger sibling. Some kids used to being the only one bully or otherwise lord it over the other sibling, or a cousin who's a frequent playmate, or whoever. The situation could turn out very differently from the idealized image you have in your head, which would be terribly unfair to the younger child. And at 4-1/2 now, it means that there would be roughly a 5-1/2 year age difference by the time the new sibling arrived, which is too big a difference for mutual play.
You've missed the boat on "giving him a playmate" by about 3 years. This is not a good idea.
I'm an "only" from an "only" and have an"only". Never gave it a second thought and all worked out fine. Our son has 2 daughters and 2 stepdaughters and that works well too!
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